Monday, 15 January 2024

How Far Can I Take You?..

I've been thinking about suspending disbelief. Oh, morning! How are you? Let's crack on. Over recent months, I've been mulling over the concept of suspending disbelief. Why? We'll get to that in a bit. First, here's an official definition of what I'm on about.

'Suspend Ones Disbelief: To ignore or look past ones incredulity at the improbability of something that occurs within a piece of fiction in order to better the experience of the work.' 
                                                                                                              The Free Dictionary

 

Timothée Chalamet as Wonka, is tipping his hat to the camera, whilst standing in a busy street with people walking by him.
We do it all the time, don't we? Suspend our disbelief. For the duration of my last cinema visit, I fully believed that Timothée Chalamet's Wonka was real. I bought into his emotional journey. I felt his pain and then his joy when he finally defeated the bad guys. That's what happens at the cinema. Despite the fact that during the film, Wonka's chocolates make people fly, Hugh Grant is an Oompa Loompa, and a giraffe is milked - yes MILKED -  I was all in. Of course, as soon as I left the Odeon, I was back to my usual self. I talked about the plot, the skill of the screenwriters, and the fab special effects. In other words, I talked about the reality of cinema. But for the duration of the film, reality was on hold. Fun!

I saw it loads when I was teaching. In my Y1 classroom, there was a building site role-play area. As soon as children spent time there, they'd take on a role. They'd be putting on a hard hat and digging foundations, never once put off by the fact they were actually in a corner of the classroom. They knew it wasn't really a building site but they'd pretend to operate a pneumatic drill as if it were. Afterwards, if I'd asked them if they were builders for real, they'd have looked at me like I was mad. Of course they weren't. They were just playing! Like we all just play when we watch TV, read a book, or play a video game. We suspend disbelief for as long as the fiction takes place. Then we carry on with our day.

The front cover of Leeza McAuliffe Has Something To Say by Nicky Bond. Leeza is standing with her hand on her hip, holding a notebook and pen, looking upwards and thinking. There's a speech bubble coming from her mouth with the title of the book in it.
Book One in the series
So why has this been on my mind lately. Well, as usual, it all comes back to my next book. A quick recap for those that need it - I'm writing the second book in the Leeza McAuliffe series. It's about an eleven year old girl, who deals with her chaotic family, daily school drama, and the angst of puberty, by writing everything down in her diary. I finished it a while ago, it's just the technical admin to do now. 

Unlike Wonka, it's very realistic. There's no fantasy element that defies logic. The life of an eleven year old girl is relatable. Even to people that aren't or weren't eleven year old girls. There are no flying chocolates, orange Hugh Grants, or milked giraffes. There's school. There are friendships. There's a first kiss and working out who you are. There's hardly any reason to suspend disbelief at all.

Except of course there is. It's just different. The fiction I've created is that Leeza has written a diary. And you, dear Reader, are reading it. No matter how realistic and relatable the events in that diary, it's still a printed book. It's in a consistent font, with no spelling mistakes, crossings out, or doodles. The readers of Leeza McAuliffe's diary have to believe that this is the book she writes in, every night before bed. It's the book she keeps under her mattress. It is not the creative output of Nicky Bond, whose name is on the cover.

And you know what? I'm fine with that. It's what readers do. When I think back to reading Sue Townsend's Adrian Mole, she had a similar problem. Except she didn't. Because when I read Adrian Mole, I never once thought, 'But this is too unbelievable. It's not handwritten. I can't carry on because I'm being duped.' Nah, I read it and loved it. I suspended disbelief. 

It was once I'd finished the manuscript that I started to ponder all this. Because there was one aspect of my novel that I wasn't sure readers would accept. Here's the context. In the story, there's a major plot point surrounding Leeza's family. And in order to deep-dive into the character of her maternal Grandma, I made Leeza's History teacher set a piece of homework. She has to interview someone older in her life, about their childhood. So, Leeza interviews her Grandma and finds out lots about her. So far, so good, right?

In my first drafts, we see the transcript of the opening of the interview. As the book progresses, Leeza includes a few more chunks of the transcribed interview, as they become relevant to the plot. Again, so far, so good, yeah? Except I had a problem. Considering how realistic the plot of the story is, it made zero sense for Leeza to spend hours transcribing an interview into her History book and then write the whole thing out again in her diary. No one would do that, let alone a girl who's sick of homework. 

So I changed it. In the next drafts, Leeza explains that she's typed up the interview on the family computer, and stuck a copy into her diary. Yeah? OK? Good. That worked for me too. It made sense she might do that. But then another thought occurred. The extract of interview in her diary was in the same font, the same ink, and the same format as the rest of her diary. It didn't look like a separate piece of paper stuck in. Would readers suspend their disbelief and gloss over that small glitch or would it ruin their acceptance of the story? Who knows?

A plain looking man - middle aged, balding, wearing a beige shirt - is sitting at a desk reading a document. He looks up to the camera, slowly, and looks sceptical at what he's reading.

I'll tell you who knows? My writing group. After reading them an extract that included some of Grandma's interview, they felt that it took them out of the story. Back then, I'd simply put the interview section in bold. That wasn't enough. They pointed it out immediately. It looked wrong as they saw it on the page. 

As is often the case, I wished I was more technologically minded. If I had a clue about Canva or InDesign or any of that jazz, I could've created some sort of picture. A picture of a piece of paper that's been stuck into the diary. On the paper would be Grandma's interview typed up. But how to make that happen was beyond me. In the end, I forgot about it and hoped readers would stretch their suspended disbelief a little bit further.

The thought wouldn't shift, though. I've spent two years on this novel. The last thing I want to do is knowingly make it less than perfect. (Of course it'll be less than perfect. I just won't KNOW about it.) In the end, I accepted this was an issue. I had to be proactive. Next thing you know, I'm emailing Gary, the man that designs my covers and makes the look of my books so fab. He would know what to do.

A white page on a spiral bound art book. There is one small sketch. It looks like a piece of paper with a pice of sticky tape across the top, stuck on the page. To be clear, this is a sketch, so it doesn't look realistic. It's done in pencil. The drawn page has the appearance of some writing on it, although it's just wavy lines. The bottom right corner appears to be curled up, with some shading to appear it's coming away from the page.
Enjoy my sketch! I had to
Google, 'How to draw a curled
corner.'
Explaining what I wanted via email was tricky. I'm not even sure I've managed to explain it here, and so far it's taken about 1200 words. Gary doesn't need a 1200 word email from me. No one does. (Hey Subscribers! This is the time I should say, 'Thanks for reading!') Eventually I managed to explain what I meant and what I needed. Check out my terrible sketch that I sent (to an actual designer who does art and ev) to try and explain. I felt proper cringe.

But now, it's sorted. Yep, we've jumped right up to the present day. Gary's played a blinder and I've got seven jPegs inserted into the manuscript. Each one depicts either a chunk of the History homework interview, or at one point, a letter that Leeza receives. They look properly good. A piece of paper, with a bit of tape across the top, inserted into her diary. Just as would happen in real life. 

It's been interesting to have to work this out. How far can I take readers with me? Do I think they'll accept that Leeza's written this diary? Yes. Do I think they'll accept she's typed up her homework and stuck it in, if it doesn't immediately look like she's done that? Not sure. Maybe not. Whatever happens in the future, my book's got some cracking illustrations of inserted pieces of paper. I might not have gone the whole hog and added doodles and crossings out, but I'm really happy how it's turned out. 

Suspending disbelief is such an interesting concept. How far do you allow yourself to be pushed towards incredulity? For me, who tends not to enjoy fantasy or sci-fi, not very far. But then something like Doctor Who or Years and Years comes along, and I love it. That's Russell T Davies for you. Get a great writer and I'll go along with anything. Likewise, one of Wonka's screenwriters was Simon Farnaby, one of the people behind the sitcom Ghosts. If you asked me if I want to watch a programme about a haunted house, I'd say no. If you asked me if I wanted to watch a comedy written by the same team as Horrible Histories, I'd say yes. 

Ewan MacGregor is sitting at a desk with a typewriter. He pulls pages from it, seems calm, but then pulls a face that indicates he's losing his mind. Open mouthed, screaming silently, shaking his head.
I gotta keep striving.
Then I can take you
ANYWHERE.
All this Longer Ramble shows is that everything comes down to the writing. I don't think I realised that until now. Get the writing right and you can convince anyone of anything. That's definitely something to remember and definitely something to work towards. 

Have a lovely week, folks.

Monday, 8 January 2024

Generic Rice and Reading Resumed...

An animated calendar. Each page is flying off with the one underneath saying, 'The next day' over and over.
Week 1 of 2024 is done. Congratulations, you made it! New Year is now relegated to the uncapitalised, calmer-vibed, new year, and soon it won't even be that. Are we gliding through the month with ease or were there a few technical hitches along the way? You want the good news? It doesn't matter! However you're tackling January, good on you. You're tackling it, and that's all that matters. 

Writing News
I've been enjoying a decent period of non-writing. It's been nice to empty my head a bit. Meanwhile, the front cover's getting finalised, and graphics for inside are being designed. This means I'm still filling time before I can share the Official Book News of how and where to pre-order. But it's new year, I can't forever swan about, enjoying festivities. I've got to crack on. So after not having read the manuscript for approximately two months, I sat down and went from start to finish. Honestly, I love it. I mean, I have to say that, don't I. But I really do. Someone once told me that you should only write something you'd want to read yourself. And Reader, I have!

My book shelf - or at least a section of it. There are 12 Lee Child books in a row.

Culture
Lee Child, writer of the Jack Reacher stories, lost me as a reader a few years ago. In 2012, the Tom Cruise film, Jack Reacher , came out. It was all wrong and I wasn't impressed. Even though I'd loved every book until that point, I started to see the character differently. A seed was planted and it started to grow. Maybe Jack Reacher is a bit of a tit. Maybe I don't want to read about his exploits anymore. Maybe I'm completely done with him. Maybe Tom Cruise has ruined him for me forever. So I stopped reading that particular series. Child still wrote them, they were still published annually, and then he passed the character on to his brother who writes them to this day. And that's where we are. Except... except the second series of Amazon Prime's Reacher is being aired as we speak and it's glorious. I've said it before and I'll say it again, the actor who plays Reacher is perfect. I'm lapping up the stories and am fully buying into the character once more. All this preamble is to say, I've started reading the books again. Woohoo! The Midnight Line came out in 2017, and I'm currently devouring it. And the best bit? After that, I've got six more to catch up on. Sweet.

Kedgeree. It's a bowl of rice, coloured yellowy brown, with pieces of white fish and onion. There is a poached egg on top.
Food and Drink
No shade to my mum. Cooking a nightly meal for a family of nine was no mean feat. Especially as that nine included a variety of fussy eaters, a baby or toddler on the milk, and a lone vegetarian. Regardless, years later we've still got some decent family banter about how her risotto, kedgeree, and 'rice with bits' was exactly the same meal. I only mention this now because something marvellous has happened. Over Christmas I had kedgeree for the first time. (And I mean, actual kedgeree, not kedgeree that could be repackaged as risotto the next day.) I loved it. If you watched Mary Berry's Highland Christmas you'll have seen her cook it with Andy Murray. You'll be pleased to know that kedgeree is now my favourite smoked haddock dish. I could never have imagined such a statement in the 80s. Recipe here for those that want it.

Out and About
What with the schools breaking up so late -  can you even imagine being in class on December 22nd? Madness! - my teacher friends were still off last week. As such I had a lovely night in the pub with a couple of them. If OFSTED were ever to take on human form, their ears would have been on FIRE.

Right then. You know what to do. Week 2 of 2024 is yours for the taking. Do with it what you will. Regroup next week? Yes? Jolly good.

Have a lovely week, folks.

Monday, 1 January 2024

Welcome, Blank Slate...

Hello 2024! Is it true? Are you real? Do we really get a blank slate? 

A graphic of pink and yellow figures 2024, that rotate on a black background as fireworks go off behind.
That's what the New Year is. A blank slate. Whether you've been binging your arse off for the past fortnight, or been full-on at work; whether you're someone who doesn't celebrate Christmas, or someone going through a difficult time so partying isn't a priority, we've all been gifted a new start. How lucky we are! The turning of a corner, a new leaf, a clean page! The flip chart has been whipped over the stand. The Etch-A-Sketch knob has been slid to the left. The smartphone has been wiped and is back to factory settings. Now's the time to regroup, draw a line, and start afresh. Was this a desired outcome during the invention of the Gregorian calendar? Who knows? Who CARES? It's all to the good.

Now, you know me by now. I'm not a resolutions kind of woman. I've no truck with any of that. If you want further explanation, check this out from January 2021. (I'm currently LOLing at the one NY resolution I did make that year. Did I stick to it? What do you think!) But cast your mind back to January 2023. My first blog of last year was much healthier. Instead of the Weekly Update format, I used the same categories to share my hopes and dreams for the year ahead. It's here, if you want a refresher. What's lovely is that rereading it back a whole year later, so many of my dreams came true. I'm not even trying to be funny. They really did. Can you believe it? I'm not saying I manifested them. Many were simply things that were happening anyway. But reading it with the benefit of hindsight, has been rather satisfying. 

The classic meme where a boyfriend looks back to a pretty woman walking past, while his girlfriend looks pissed off in the background. The pissed off girl is labelled 2023, the man in the middle is labelled ME, and the pretty woman is labelled 2024.
So to finish this opener to 2024, I'll briefly repeat the exercise. Here are my plans, dreams, and hopes for the year head - with Weekly Update headings. If it works again, I'll be very happy.

Writing News
Drum roll please! My next book - the second in the Leeza McAuliffe series - will be out this year. Let me be more specific... it'll be out this Spring! Title and cover to be revealed soon. I cannot WAIT to share it with you.

A shot from the crowd at the Deacon Blue gig in Liverpool last year. There are silhouetted people in front of the camera, in the crowd, holding up phones, and filming the stage. On stage are five people, as well as a drum kit, mics, and instruments. The lights are bright, and are illuminating the stage.
Deacon Blue  
Liverpool Arena 2023
Culture
I want to see more live music. I tend to favour theatre over gigs. But last year I went to three - Pet Shop Boys, Deacon Blue, and Noah Reid. Each one took me out of myself and made me feel brilliant. More please.

Food and Drink
I enjoy being a non-ideological pescatarian. But now and then - because for me it's not about the animals - I have a bite of something meaty that looks nice. (Tee hee!) I'm looking forward to continuing to discover great veggie/vegan recipes, and then, every so often, having the odd scotch egg. (There's no decent replacement. Trust me, I've searched.)

Out and About
Niagara Falls, as seen from a boat approaching the water fall. The sky is blue, the sun is shining, and the spray from the water fall is splashing up into the air.
Oh, Canada!
I want more holidays please! What with the blow-out Canada adventure last year, it'll be a calmer travel year for sure. What would be good is a couple of days away where I can practise my 879 day German Duolingo streak. Tbh, Germany springs to mind.

So there we are.  A few thoughts about my personal dreams for 2024. What are yours? What's in store? Of course, we all learnt our lesson in 2020. Making plans means bugger all when the world can literally stop. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't dream. Because to have no dreams, aspirations, or plans means you're absolutely satisfied with your life. And if that's how you feel, you're definitely lying.

Have a lovely week, folks.

Monday, 25 December 2023

God Rest Ye Merry, Blog Readers...

A kid in a Santa hat is standing in front of someone off camera. The caption says, 'We bought you some good cheese.'
Then step right in, young man.
A few years ago I was chatting to a friend who's Muslim. She was telling me how she didn't celebrate Christmas but still loved this time of year.' Why?' I asked. 'Because...' she said, '...it's when the shops have all the good cheese. So here we are. Christmas day has arrived. And if you celebrate, glad tidings of comfort and joy to you! If you don't, then please, whatever you do, make sure you enjoy all the good cheese. 

This is the first time that the Monday blog coincides with Christmas Day. (Since 2017, when I didn't bother.) It doesn't matter. Tomorrow's the big one in my family. That's when my house will be chocka. Full of siblings, siblings-in-law, their kids, my parents, my brother's friend, and a dog. It'll be unhinged chaos that will sap every bit of energy I've managed to conserve in the days prior. It'll also be shit loads of fun. Today is merely the pre-amble. Hence why I'm quite happy to be posting this now. 

But first, as is tradition, a look back to Christmas of yesteryear. Please do scan the photo. Take in every detail and soak up those seventies vibes. I say seventies - it's the brown-hue of the decor - but I think this was actually 1980. My family were never on trend. Check out my bowl cut for evidence. Likewise, my red dungarees. (I had a matching pair in blue) They were all I seemed to wear when I was two. You want more historical clues? Christmas cards hooked over a sagging piece of string; a pink tinsel star that's already seen better days even though it's in the infancy of its use; my dad's period piece shirt collar. It's all there. A primary source to excite historians. 

Meanwhile, I'm enjoying my second festive season. Do I know it's Christmas? Do I have a clue how giddy a neighbour's fairy lights will make me in forty-odd years? Do I have an inkling how much Future Me will buzz off circling the Christmas Radio Times despite the variety of streaming services she can watch anytime? I'd say, no. I look a bit dense. Mindlessly pointing to a tree, presumably being urged on by my mum behind the camera. 

I don't remember this picture being taken, nor this specific Christmas. What I do know is, it must have been fun. It didn't put me off enjoying future Christmas'. I mean, I over enjoy them to the hilt! Whatever went down in 1980 (and the subsequent years) kept my festive spirits buoyant. And to think, I didn't even know the concept of good cheese, back then. Whatever your plans..

...have a lovely day, week, and rest of the year, folks.

Monday, 18 December 2023

A Five Year Roller-Coaster...

A small, light brown notebook. On the front, in large black letters, it says, 'Q and A a Day.' Underneath in smaller letters, it says, '365 Questions * Five Years * 1825 Answers'. Underneath that, it says, '5 Year Journal.'
It's the last Long Ramble of 2023! Well done for making it this far. Whether you've been charting the year in Long Rambles or alternative units of measurement, it all adds to the reflective nature of this time of year, doesn't it? It could be the last Long Ramble, the last month, the last week before Christmas, or the last of all sorts of things. Either way, the final days of the year tend to prompt retrospection and contemplation.

For me, that sense of reflection is amplified times five. Why? Well, we're coming to the end of my five year diary. Had you been keeping count? A mate bought it for my 40th, so since January 2019 before turning out the light, I've opened the diary, looked at the question at the top of the page, and given it a good think before answering. It's been excellent fun. Some questions posed are simple and factually based. 'What are you reading right now?' is one example. (In 2019, I was reading Michelle Obama's, Becoming. In 2020, Ex Pats by Chris Pavone. In 2021, Caste by Isabel Wilkerson. In 2022, And Away by Bob Mortimer. And in 2023, Sali Huhges', Everything is Washable.')  Questions like that are the easiest to answer. It takes a second to record and you can be snoring, moments later.

Other questions take more effort. 'Write down something that inspired you today.' That's the question from 10th January and it takes a bit more thought. Somedays, nothing will have inspired me. Other times, I'll have got inspiration from every little thing. My diary tells me that in 2019 the thing that inspired me was, 'A woman in the BBC Question Time audience had a really eloquent view on why she doesn't feel sorry for T. May.' Fair play. Subsequent years chart my ego kicking in. In 2022 I said, 'I began to reread Leeza McAuliffe and it's great!' If you can't let your buoyant self-esteem fly free in your diary, where the hell can you? 

Of course, the period of time from January 2019 until today, has seen some shit. It neatly straddles the world's awareness of Covid 19. On the 22nd March, the question was, 'Jot down a news story from today'. My answers - that would have been given only the briefest consideration at the time - are an honest-to God historical source. In 2019 I answered with, 'Ha! Fucking Brexit! And Robert Mueller has submitted his report to Trump.' In 2020, it was, 'McDonalds has closed due to Covid 19. People told not to go out unless it's urgent (and as long as not vulnerable) and stay 2m away.' In 2021, I recorded that, 'B. Johnson talking shite about COVID again. N. Sturgeon not guilty of misleading parliament. In 2022, I wrote, 'Kyiv still being bombed and Mariupol decimated. Nazanin Zagari Radliffe is home.' Finally this year I noted, 'Boris Johnson grilled by Partygate committee for 4 hours.' What a triggering snapshot of five years of rolling news. It almost makes me want to retreat under the covers. 

The page from July 11th of a 5 year diary. The question at the top says, If you were a literary characters, who would you be.' There are five years of entries. The top line says, '2019. Mary-Anne Singleton.' The next line down says, '2020. Helen Schlegel.' The next line down, in really messy, hard-to-decipher writing, it says, '2021. Tonight England lost to Italy on penalties. My Eng Lit character would be Bassanio from the Merchant of Venice.' There are scribblings out and arrows to show missing words. It's a hot mess. The next line underneath that, in neat writing once more, says, '2022. Roxanne from Cyrano. I want more.' Then the final line at the bottom of the page says, '2023. Rebecca from Ted Lasso. (Not very literary.)'
Hands down, my favourite page.
That's because amidst some 
sensible, considered thoughts 
about my favourite literary 
character, in 2021 was clearly 
bladdered AF. 

For those that can't decipher 
Pissed Nicky's writing, it says, 
'Tonight England lost to
on Italy penalties. My Eng Lit
character would be
Bassanio from the Merchant
of Venice
.'
Pandemics and politics aside, the diary has also charted events more specific to me. The rise in my bad mood and body temperature, for example, as the peri menopause kicked in. It's seen the birth of two of the four of my gang of nieces and nephs. There have been four weddings - my brother and sister-in-law, plus three old friends. It's also given me ample opportunity to answer a question as innocuous as, 'What made you smile today?' with, 'Not Boris Johnson.' The politics has seeped through, regardless of question. The last five years have been quite the ride. 

But I think the best thing about a five year diary, (as opposed to a yearly one) is that you see progress so easily. In 2019, the question, 'If you could have a superpower just for today, what would it be?' was answered with, 'To not have a sore knee.' Every subsequent year on that day, I've looked back and thought, 'Ahhhh, remember when I had a sore knee. How fab that I don't have a sore knee anymore.' (Vitamin D, folks. It's a cure-all!) Likewise, the change from pre-HRT and post-HRT in 2021-22 has lifted the mood on every entry since. When I've had a bad day, or a felt a bit meh, looking back at how shit I felt in previous years, is a real boost.

So, the diary's coming to an end and I feel a bit sad. There's just a couple of weeks left to record. With all the ups and downs that the past five years have seen, it's been my one constant. (A bit melodramatic, but you get my drift.) What am I going to do when it's over? How will I know how far I've come if I'm not inadvertently writing it down each night? How will I chart political turmoil without my trusty bedtime companion? Well stop your worrying. A couple of birthdays ago, another friend bought me another five year diary. It's as if my mates know me really well. It's been kept on ice, ready and waiting, for January 1st 2024. The time is nigh.

A small, yellow notebook. It has an embossed gold pattern over the front. The title says, 'Jane-a-Day' and underneath in smaller writing, it says, '5-Year Diary. Beneath that, it says, 'With 365 Witticisms by Jane Austen.'
Honestly, even if I didn't have it waiting for me, I'd be buying myself another one. Self-reflection is so useful. It helps form your inner voice, it brings clarity to the swirling fog of ideas, fears, dreams, and opinions. It sorts out your head, even when it feels like it's doing anything but. My experience of writing one or two lines a night, has been as useful as writing daily essays. I might not write pages anymore (I was far more waffly during the teenage diary years) but one line's reflection on a nightly basis has become an essential part of my routine. So now we're approaching the official handover protocol. If you listen carefully, at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve you might hear me cry, 'The Diary is dead! Long live the Diary!'

Have a lovely week, folks.

Monday, 11 December 2023

Empty Heads and Spicy WhatsApps...

Joe Biden, at a podium, has his hand raised to his eyes, and is searching for something infant of him.
Anyone seen some WhatsApps?
It could happen to any of us. Just when we want to revisit an old WhatsApp convo – perhaps to check plans we’ve made, or remind ourself of the date something happened - we realise 5000 of our messages are missing. What could have happened? Who knows? Perhaps it’s ‘something to do with the app going down and then coming back up again, but somehow automatically erasing all the things between that date when it went down and the moment when it was last backed up.’ Lolz.
 
Yep, it’s the COVID inquiry. Again. This week’s testimony forced me to look at my own WhatsApp groups. The messaging service barely existed when I had a proper job. Social media was in its infancy. The upshot being, I just can't imagine typing disparaging messages about colleagues to other colleagues. That stuff was saved for chats in the pub. I was also told - back when I had a proper job - never to write down notes in meetings that I wouldn't want read out in court. I’m probably less cautious now, what with me never having meetings these days, but still. Food for thought. Anyway, back to WhatsApp. When I scroll through my regular chats, the only one that feels slightly secret is the parent-free sibling convo we've got set up. It was mostly used when my parents were stranded in Heathrow after snow had grounded their plane. For two days, me and my sibs chatted at length about what we could do to help (not much in actuality). It seems, if my WhatsApps are ever required in a public inquiry, 'Mum’ll be fewmin,' is as spicy as it gets. So that's a relief. 
 
A woman - probably an actress - is being interviewed on a late night talk show. She is gesturing to her head as the caption reads, 'It's blank up here!'
Writing News
I'm still chilling, still hanging around, still waiting on other people to work their magic before my next big pre-publication push. But you know what? It’s so good. Regardless of what I’ve been doing for the past two years, whether I’ve been away on holiday, doing mundane chores, or dropping off to sleep, I’ve never not been thinking about my novel. Now that it’s in the hands of someone else, I’m enjoying a truly empty head. It’s glorious. 

 
Alan Rickman as Hans Gruber in Die Hard. He's talking into a phone and saying, 'Do you really think you have a chance against us, Mr Cowboy?'
I can't lie. I was rooting for 
Alan. What a legend he was.
Culture
Last week I told you about The Murder Game I was reading. Well, I got that recommendation from this article about cosy Christmas mysteries. I’m now onto Ada Moncrief’s, Murder Most Festive which is more seasonal murder funI’ve also branched out in my Christmas film viewing. As outlined in this blog from 2018, festive films can be titles that simply get broadcast at Christmas. Think back to Radio Times’ from yesteryear. What sort of blockbusters were fanfared as appointment TV? This week I’ve seen off Die Hard (not a trad Christmas film but perfect viewing at Christmas - end of), Clockwise, Lethal Weapon, and Clear and Present Danger. It seems I’m hoovering up the action thriller/John Cleese genres right now.
 
Food and Drink
When I was at sixth form college, for reasons that now escape me, myself and a couple of friends got into the habit of having a daily sausage barm from the canteen. Except instead of a bread roll we’d have a teacake. Plus lots of tomato ketchup.  Like I said, the reasons escape me, but it was my sixteen year old self’s staple meal during my A Levels. Last week I remembered, and revisited it for my Sunday breakfast. It might be veggie sausages now but the concept’s still sound. Get onto veggie sausage tea cakes! They’re the best.  
 
Out and About
My mate had a pre-Christmas dinner party which sounds well classy. It was, apart from my inclusion. I can't pull off stylish elegance for a second, but regardless, a good time was had by all. Then, the following day, we had a family meal for my ma's birthday. Pre-lash and post-lash was round my gaff, where I continued to be not-at-all-classy-whilst-still-having-the-best-of-times.
 
This week I'm away. A few days in lovely, wintery Scotland. Will it snow? Will I post all sorts on Insta? Will I overdose on cullen skink? Who can say. Either way, come back next week for the last Long Ramble of the year. You'd be gutted to miss it. 
 
Have a lovely week, folks.

Monday, 4 December 2023

Too Much To Say, As Per...

A woman is typing maniacally at a computer. Her head is thrown back, she's got her eyes closed, and she is appealing to say 'blah blah blah blah blah' at speed.
TOO much to say.
Welcome to the latest Weekly Update. That thing's happened again. The thing that occurs sometimes when I sit down to write this blog. Wanna peek behind the wizard's curtain for a minute? Excellent. 

I had a brilliant opening topic all lined up. You know the drill. I start the Weekly Update with something topical; a story from the news or maybe the seasonal times we're in. I give you one or two paragraphs, tempting you to read on, getting you comfy, offering a LOL or two. Then the Update kicks in. That's the routine, week in, week out. 

This time, that didn't happen. I had the topic lined up. I'd made some notes and knew how I was going to riff on them. Then things went awry. As I started to type, it became clear. I had TOO much to say. I typed and typed. Next thing you know, I've got a whole blog post about the random topic staring back from the screen. It's way too much for this opening - your time's precious. But look, it's OK. I'm going to polish it up and use it for the last Long Ramble of the year. In a couple of week's time, you'll see just what it was I was so verbose about. It'll be a good read, I promise.

In the meantime...

It's a story time. A man is sitting on a throne-like reading chair. He is holding an open book and reading it to people around him. They're either sitting or kneeling on the floor in front of him.
This is exactly like my writing group.
Except we're in a pub, and no one
is sitting on the floor.
Writing News
I've seen a colourised front cover and chosen some specifics about the design. It's looking FAB and I can't wait to share it with you. Soon, I hope. I also went to my fortnightly writing group on Wednesday. What I love is that the same group of people have heard me read consecutive extracts of Leeza's story for the past eighteen months. They know the characters almost as well as I do. This week, one of my writing friends made a comment about a phrase Leeza had used. She wasn't sure it was something Leeza would say in that situation. As soon as she pointed it out, I knew she was right. It's fab when people know my characters that well. (I'm now trying to rethink the vocab in question and decide how to convey the same sentiments differently.)

Front cover of The Murder Game. It's by Tom Hindle. There's a graphic of a country house. It's alone, in the midst of fields. There's the sillouete of a trete in the foreground.
Culture
Culture isn't all art galleries and boxsets. (And if you read this regularly you'll know it's usually just boxsets here.) No, the past weeks have seen me watch large chunks of the Covid Inquiry. Now, I know what you're thinking. That's not art! And you'd be right. But we, as a country, went through a seismic cultural event. As much as a pandemic is rooted in science and medicine, its effects are also cultural. We endured it together for more than a year as it effected every aspect of our lives. As much as I struggled to watch Matt Hancock - he was being questioned on Thursday and Friday - I knew it was important to do so. Call it closure or therapy, but seeing the same politicians that stood at the podium spinning bullshit for a year, be forced to answer questions they're trying to evade, feels necessary. It feels worth my time. Boris Johnson gets a turn on Wednesday. Let's hope I've got the stomach for it. Moving on... if that doesn't float your boat, try this. I'm reading Tom Hindle's, The Murder Game. New Years Eve, a big house, and a dead body. Right up my street.

A baking tray with a cooked stollen loaf. It's brown in colour, covered in flaked almonds with a dusting of icing sugar, and with a fish slice and knife next to it. There's also a candle lit in the background of the worktop.
Stollen. A little overdone
but oh so tasty.
Food and Drink
I did the food shop for Christmas last week. At least, the stuff that can be frozen or shoved in a cupboard, that is. If I can avoid supermarkets in the latter stages of the Christmas build up, I'll be well happy. But there's a problem. It seems all my brain wants me to eat is stollen. As someone who's mantra (one of them) is, I CAN MAKE IT BETTER THAN THAT, when she sees supermarket cakes, I searched for a recipe. This is the one I used, and it made perfectly lovely, big-slab-with-a-cup-of-tea stollen that I'll revisit next year.

The interior of a restaurant. There are beams across the ceiling, with white glowing fairy lights strung along them. There are leafy garlands strung along the walls. There are red bows dotted along the garlands.
Zara's Hub in Childwall.
Out and About
My writing group takes place in a pub near Lime Street station. Last Wednesday, as I made my way there, I saw the Christmas market outside St. George's Hall. I had no time to wander round but enjoyed the vibes before heading for the warmth of the pub. It looks great, and even though it doesn't sound worthy of an Out and About mention, I'm going to make an effort to go back on another evening. Earlier that day, I'd had brunch in Childwall's Zara's Hub, where their decs all but forced me to take a photo. All in all, last Wednesday's Out and Aboutness was festive AF.

More next week, if you're game. See you here, yes? Excellent.

Have a lovely week, folks.