Festive Viewing, Part Three...

The struggle is real

The days between Christmas and New Year pan out the same way each year. Before they arrive, I dread them. When it's mid-December and I'm waiting for the Christmas glow to kick in, I want to postpone the post-Christmas period for as long as possible. But then madness takes over. There's excessive food, I'm in a permanently boozy haze, I eat cheese hourly, and my clothes stop fitting. By the time Boxing Day's over, I'm ready for a break. I don't want to see another Christmas advert. I don't want the sniff of an alcoholic drink. I want to feel 'normal' again. 

But things aren't normal. Not until we've done the first week of January. Schools are still on holiday, rush hour is still calmer, the TV is still full of interesting and non-standard fare. So when you've tired of consuming everything in sight, and you don't want to socialise for another decade, the best thing to do is make use of the telly. Ladies, gentleman, and those who don't adhere to the gender binary, I give you... my Festive Viewing, Part Three! Yep, I really have dragged this out to a third part. You should never have doubted me.

Christmas is OVER

So let's start with the basics. Christmas is over, pack up Elf and Home Alone and put them back in the mental attic. It's time for new, exciting things. The Radio Times (that you'll have pored over with a highlighter the second it came out) is filled with nuggets of wonder. Lavish productions, special episodes, big feature films - they're all there. You'll have added them to your TV planner of choice a few weeks ago. Now the jingle-bellsy stuff is out of the way, it's time to sit down and watch. The choices of viewing can be roughly split into three categories.

Oi, Malkovich. I said Christmas was over.
Now show us your Poirot.

1. Interesting Telly
There's so much novelty at this time of year. Routine scheduling is ditched in favour of one-offs and specials. Top tip: if you forgot to plan ahead, utilise that BBC iPlayer. (Other catch up services are available.) Mark Kermode's Christmas Cinema Secrets was great. Kermode is my favourite film critic because even when I don't agree with him, I RESPECT him. Anything he says about cinema is worth listening to, IMHO. Then there was The Morecambe and Wise Show: The Lost Tapes. Obvs M&W have been culturally linked with this time of year for years, so this felt like a special treat that we didn't know was coming. Then there's the big budget stuff. The BBC are brill at this. There's always an Agatha Christie remake, and this year it was The ABC Murders. John Malkovich no less, had a pop at giving us his Poirot. Fair play, lad. And if that wasn't your thing, maybe a songless Les Miserables might be more up your street. You could always mentally insert Anne Hathaway's Oscar-winning performance, should the need arise. Over on ITV player, the dramatisation of Torvill and Dean was always going be a nostalgic romp. When I get round to watching it, I imagine I'll be bolero-ing myself silly before the evening is out. The Queen and I on Sky was a tongue in cheek morality tale about how a republican Britain might look if the royal family were sent to live in a council house on benefits, and for those that have happy memories of the original cartoon (anyone?) this year's star-studded, new-fangled animation of Watership Down might be worth your time.

In the last few weeks there's been quality TV all over the show. You just have to get round to downloading it.

Me and Geoff Capes could
 have a bash at recreating this.

2. Films I Saw for the First Time at Christmas and so are Always Seasonal in my Head
For the next category, cast your mind back before streaming services, catch up TV, and - if you even can - the Internet. Christmas/New Year was the one time there was a decent chance of seeing a good film on TV. The kind of film you'd have liked to have seen at the cinema, but you had no money, no one would take you, and you'd been told to wait until it came on television. As December rocked up, the Radio Times was highlighted to death, and a bumper pack of blank VHSs were bought. As a result, I've seasonal feelings about a whole host of films I encountered for the first time this way. I first saw Crocodile Dundee after it was shown at Christmas 1989. I wrote a review of it in my diary that year. (I had to concertina in an extra page because I had so much to say.) Dirty Dancing came into my life at Christmas 1990, as did Back to the Future. In 1992 I saw A Fish Called Wanda after it was broadcast on Boxing Day. Shirley Valentine was Christmas Day's evening film in 1992 and Last of the Mohicans was a few days before Christmas in 1995*. I recorded all these films at Christmas on my blank tapes, and then proceeded to watch them repeatedly until advances in technology brought DVDs into my life. When I want to relax in the days post-Christmas, these are the sorts of things that make me cheery. Best watched with excessive cheese and crackers. 

If you're still hungry for more inspiration, there's one final category. 

This could be a Bond family holiday
video from the 80s. Except it's not Wales,
and they're not visiting a coal museum.

3. Nostalgic Classics From Yesteryear 
This will be different for everyone. For me, it's filled with films like The Sound of Music, Mary Poppins, One of Our Dinosaurs is Missing,** and The Wizard of Oz. Family films from years ago. My favourites often have a musical bent. Alternatively, growing up in the 80s meant family sci-fi was big business and formed my youthful Christmas film memories too. ET, Flight of the Navigator, War Games and D.A.R.Y.L. All of these are the kind of films that are snuck in at 10am on 23rd December, or filling the initial January schedules before school starts again. The listings are full of them if you look. Little gems you first saw years ago, that take you out of yourself for an hour or so. Indeed, a few days ago, when everyone who'd stayed for Christmas had left, and I'd hoovered up the sea of crumbs, baby wipes, and glitter that covered every flat surface in the house, I lay on the settee under a blanket with a mug of tea, and watched Mary Poppins. I spent the entire film dozing on and off but it was the loveliest come-down to a festive high that I could have possibly imagined. With added fairy lights. 

So now here we are. We're into the last hours of 2018, and are facing all the unknown that 2019 will bring. As I attempt to emotionally disentangle myself from the never-ending cheeseboard that is my fridge, I'd like to say thank you for reading. Happy New Year, and I hope marvellous things come your way in the future. 

Have a lovely week, folks.

*There was a bit of a drama in my attempts to record Last of the Mohicans. In 1995, I was 17 and money was tight. I had invested in a multi pack of blank vids - something like  £2.99 for ten tapes. (Can't remember exactly but it was an absolute bargain at the time.) On 22nd December I opened the pack and took out my first tape to record my first circled film from the TV guide. The TV wasn't on but I was in the lounge when it happened. About fifteen minutes from the end of the preset recording time, I heard a noise from the VCR. There was a bit of a whirr and a buzz and then a very distinctive snapping sound. The tape had broken. Knowing how much I loved the end titles (I'd seen it at my friends house and I knew the music in the last scene was the best part of the whole film) I rushed off to get another of my cheapo/potentially flawed video tapes and recorded the last ten minutes of the film. That same video was used the next day to record selected TOTP2 Christmas hits. For years later, I would rewatch the last ten minutes of Last of the Mohicans before segueing into Fairy Tale of New York, and associated the whole thing with Christmas festiveness. Happy memories. 

**I'll be honest, it's been years since I've seen this, but I really really liked it when I was little. I just have the sneaking suspicion that it's massively racist now. I don't want to find out for sure by rewatching in the cold light of adulthood.