Worrying Weather, Healthy Habits, and Lioness Love...

We've just about made it to August, folks. Are we having fun? Is 2023 all we hoped it would be? Are we living our best lives? Surely only someone high or delusional would answer yes to all those questions. Let's be honest. 2023 is throwing us curve balls all over the place. Look at the weather. Places are either submerged by flooding or blazing with fire. Sometimes both. Nova Scotia, Canada, evacuated residents from wildfires in May, then from devastating floods last week. Meanwhile Rhodes burns and the weather in the UK is all over the place. There are no wildfires near me but plenty of random torrential rain. My driveway is prone to flooding in winter when the weather's bad. This summer, it's spending chunks of its time submerged.

If nothing else, this has shown me I need to up my game. It's tricky to know how to do that. I drive an electric car more times than not. I recycle. I don't eat meat. I've also never procreated, which some see as the biggest harm to the planet you can do. (This article gives more insight. Apparently, it's nuanced!) It's hard to find new ways of helping the climate. Not without completely changing my personality, that is, and I'm not sure I'm there yet. I guess the easiest way to help future generations who want to live on Earth, is the simplest. I should support Green policies when they crop up. I shouldn't stand in the way of people who are finding solutions or drawing attention to the problem. I should continue to admire Just Stop Oil for their dedicated non-violent protests. They cause mild inconvenience on a national stage, raising awareness and calling on the Government to act. (This vid from 19.18 explains their demand.) It's literally the very least I can do. 

Me, at my laptop.

Writing News

I've reached the point in the WIP where I need help. I'm sick of reading it, knowing it off by heart, and switching the same few words around thinking it'll make a difference. It's time to bring in the big guns. First off, that means a professional editor. I'm so ready for someone to take charge. (I reached out a couple of days ago.) Then, when I've got her feedback and implemented her suggested changes, it'll be the next wave of people - the beta readers. That means my family members. At least the ones who are happy to give up their time to read the thing and share their honest thoughts with me. Finally, I've got a team (well one or two) of young people on the case as we speak. They're bringing their teenage experiences to bear on whether my almost-teenage protagonist rings true. We've reached the scary bit. The part where, what I've been happily amusing myself with for the past year, is scrutinised. It's fine. I've been here before. It's a necessary part of the process.

 

I'd love to win the 
World Cup so
we get excellent
scenes like these
again.

Culture 

The Women's World Cup is on. Woohoooo! England's Lionesses have won their first two matches and play their third tomorrow. (12pm UK time.)  What with the Aussie and New Zealand time differences, some of the games are in the middle of the night, but no matter. It's all so exciting. On top of that, I've started rewatching Schitt's Creek. It's marvellous to be back in the bosom of the Rose family once again. Moira continues to make me laugh out loud and I find David's unease around affection massively relatable. Besides that, I've begun watching the Before Trilogy again. A couple of weeks ago it was Before Sunrise - my favouritest film ever. On Saturday, I boxed off Before Sunset and I'll leave it a few more weeks before finishing with Before Midnight. There were gaps of nine years between the films in real life, so it's important not to rush.

Food and Drink

I've finally perfected my satay sauce recipe. Yay me! Honestly, it's been a labour of love for ages but I can now share the wealth. Here's the ingredients list. All measurements are approximate.

• A big splodge of sriracha
• A couple of tablespoons of soy sauce
• A squirt of runny honey
• 2 heaped dessert spoons of powdered peanut butter*
• A splash of water to reach desired consistency.

As for the method? Well, just mix it all together and stir through whatever food you want. I did it with stirfry veggies and seasoned tofu in the week, but the world's your oyster.

Out and About 

I had a lovely night in Albert Schloss at the bottom of Bold Street last week. Live music and a comprehensive German beer list. Fab stuff. This week, I've finally got my new bed (after ordering it in April) so I'm staying in. And I'm starting some healthier habits. Instead of falling asleep as I scroll on my phone, I'm reading at least one chapter a night of a paper book. Anything at all, as long as there's turny pages. The recent news is that Kenneth Branagh's new Poirot film will be based on Agatha Christie's Halloween Party, so I've started with that. Not so much Out and About, this week, more Under the Covers and Comfort Reading. Horses for courses, and all that jazz.

However you're spending the summer, I hope it's manageable. Not too hot, not too wet, and not too scary. Wherever you are, enjoy!

Have a lovely week, folks.

*If you don't mind the added fat content, use standard peanut butter by all means.

The Worst Day of My Life... and Mushrooms!

Fancy a real life horror story? Cosy up around the metaphorical campfire and listen to this. 

Last Monday night, I was watching TV. It was late so I was in my scruffs - baggy trousers, a T-shirt, and bare feet. At one point, I paused the TV action for a quick wee, before coming back to the lounge. As I resumed my seat on the couch, I crossed my legs underneath me. That's when I felt it. My foot was wet. Had I walked in a random puddle on the floor? Had the water splashed from the sink? Had I inadvertently pissed myself? I didn't know. I wriggled a bit, trying to dry the outside of my foot on the couch without paying too much attention. It remained wet. What on earth could it be? In the end I uncrossed my legs to check it out. That's when I saw. Underneath my ankle, on the seat by my arse, was a slug. A LARGE AS LIFE, COCKY BASTARD, HOME-INVADING SLUG. 

Immediately, I recognised this was the worst day of my life. Slugs are bad enough in the garden, so when they TOUCH MY FOOT while I'm trying to watch television, I'm pretty disgusted. I made my feelings known immediately. That consisted of shouting to my partner on the other side of the room. In that moment, we both realised he would not do well in a crisis. He looked confused, dithered a bit, and asked more questions than were necessary. When I eventually managed to alert him to the (approximately 5cm long) BEAST on the cushion - he scrabbled about for a tissue before taking it outside. It's useful to know now, that in the event of a lesser disaster - like a meteorite squashing the house, or a nuclear explosion eliminating all humankind - he's not someone to call upon.

The main question that lingers is, where did it come from? Was it chilling in the bathroom when my pants pooled by my ankles? Did it cling to the bottom of a trouser leg as I walked back into the lounge? Was it on the floor by the settee? Did I energetically sweep it up as I settled back into my 'child in assembly' sitting position? These questions remain unanswered. 

What follows is an update about the rest of my week, but to be honest, it's been a blur. All I can think about is the grossest, grimmest, most disgusting experience of my actual entire life. But look, don't let me stop you. By all means crack on and read what else I've been up to. I'll be over here hyperventilating while you do.

Writing

In a bid to give myself a break from the longest editing period in history, I did my accounts. That means going over my paperwork from April 2022 to April 2023 and screen-shotting all my earnings. Lolz. That made for a depressing few hours. During the financial years that I have a new book out, it feels lovely and productive. In the fallow in-between years, it's a sobering experience. Hey ho. Swings and roundabouts. Leeza McAuliffe Book 2 (working title) is on its way.

This guy (Rodger Corser) is The
Traitors Australia's version of
Claudia Winkleman. 

Culture

Despite the horrors of Monday night, I managed to distract myself with The Traitors, Australia. It's such a clever trick. I can't abide reality TV and am so over the 'vote one person out an episode' format, yet here I am. Obsessed with the concept, and desperate to watch every episode as soon as possible. The Traitors - whether it's the UK, US, or Australian version, absolutely sucks me in. It's on BBC iPlayer as we speak and you could do a lot worse than fill your eyeballs with it this instant. In bigger culture news, I watched the Barbie movie this weekend. I never had Barbies, I wasn't into dolls for long, and I can't stand pink... but it was fantastic. Greta Gerwig remains my favourite director. Anything she does is brilliant. Forget Barbie dolls. If you liked Lady Bird and Little Women, you'll like this, regardless of your feelings about the toy in question.

Food and Drink
The place I go for weekly brunch does something marvellous with mushrooms. I've never worked it out. They exude umami in every bite and I can't get enough of them. In order to work out how they achieve this, I did some experimenting. I tried a few methods - salt, Vegemite, soy sauce - but the nearest I've got was when I soaked the raw mushrooms in a splash of cold water and Bisto before cooking. They sort of caramelised and had a - you guessed it - Bisto taste. I never said this section would be all three course meals and fancy dining. Sometimes, you've got to roll up your sleeves and do some mushroom science. 

Out and About

I've got my walking stride back on. In the last couple of weeks I've done circuits of my local park (1.7 miles away), the park near my first childhood home (11 miles way) and the park where I did my latter-day lockdown walks once the repeated circuit by my house drove me mad (8 miles away.) Either way, I'm quite enjoying it. In related news, I recently got new trainers. The cushiony-soft instep gives my naturally lethargic nature, some much needed oomph. 

So there we have it. That's my week. All that's left to do is burn down my house. Or chop off my foot. One or both should help excise last Monday's memory from my mind. Meanwhile...

...have a lovely week, folks. 

A Water Bottle to Keep My Hot Mind Open...

Me and some makeup brushes
chilling out in the zeitgeist.

I've never been on trend. In fact, I've spent most of my life being the exact opposite. Whether that's because my childhood fashion choices were limited to the clothes of the neighbours' hand-me-downs, or because I preferred to hide my post-puberty body in baggy t-shirts regardless of fashion, I'm not sure. But all that's changed. I'm now current. Part of the zeitgeist. I'm relevant.

Why? Well, it seems I've entered my peri-menopausal years at the exact same time as the world's started collectively talking about the menopause. The likes of Davina McCall, Lisa Snowdon, and a variety of menopause specialists have made a concerted effort in recent times, to raise understanding and knowledge of *whispers like a Victoria Wood character* THE CHANGE. There's even been a recent Channel 4 sitcom on the topic. 

Obviously there's still shed loads of work to do. But as businesses begin to introduce menopause policies and GPs start to get wise to the full range of symptoms, the timing has been perfect for this hot and grumpy forty-five year old. Hot in a good AND a bad way, these days. Like I said, I'd never felt part of any current trend, but recently, I have. I've made it. I am a contemporary socio-cultural phenomenon!

That is, until something knocks me off my perch. Last week I bought my niece a birthday present. She'd requested it and my sister sent me the link. It was for something that all the cool kids are into. Apparently it's sweeping the nation. It's a socio-cultural phenomenon all on its own. It is... drum roll please... an air up bottle. 

Have you heard of it? Do you know what it is? Are you in the know? If, like I did, you're drawing a blank, I can now fill you in. An air up bottle is a water bottle. Except it's more than a water bottle. It's a water bottle with the option of putting a flavoured pod around the top so that you can smell your choice of aroma whilst drinking the water. Then your brain tricks you into thinking you're drinking flavoured water. Ta-daaaah!

First of all, this post is not about air up bottles nor the menopause. Nope, this post is about being part of the zeitgeist. Or, rather, it's about how discombobulating it was to hear of my niece's present request and have absolutely NO CLUE what it was. That feels decidedly non-zeitgeisty to me.

Not having kids is great for a million reasons. And not teaching any more is great for even more. (Solidarity with the teachers!) But both those life-choices would keep me in the loop for longer. This whole water-bottle debacle is the first time I've felt so alien to what's popular with people younger than me.

Water bottles aren't the issue. I know that. And it doesn't really matter if I lose track of teen trends and fashions. But my worry is that it's a slippery slope. What else is going on that I don't know about? When did I retreat into a middle-aged bubble that had lost the plot on what was happening elsewhere? More importantly, I need to do everything in my power to avoid the stereotypical lurch towards right wing politics and irrational fear of difference as I get older. (It doesn't happen to everyone, but the last General Election showed a definite trend.) That's my real concern. One minute it's spendy water bottles, the next it's tutting about 'young people today'. Or commenting on someone's non-white ethnicity, or non-cishet gender identity, whilst being completely ignorant of what's acceptable. I will NOT be that person. I cannot let it happen.

But what do I do? How do I fight what might be an inevitability? As the years pass by, it'll be more than water bottles I've lost track of. Do I do a Steve Buscemi and infiltrate a school? Do I keep an open mind and listen to young people when they share their opinions and discuss the world around them? (NO and YES are the answers to those questions.) Or do I just keep an open mind in general? My peri-menopause is on trend. I don't need anything else to be. But that doesn't mean I'll allow things to slip towards bigotry either. 

Steve Buscemi showing us
one way of staying aware.

So, Young People! Enjoy your water bottles, and everything else fashionable that gives you joy. I will be fanning myself through a hot flush and cheering you on. Even if I've never heard of what you're into, and don't get really it, I'll want to ask about it. Purely in a bid to keep my mind open and any old-aged ignorance at bay. Thank you in advance for humouring me. 

Have a lovely week, folks.

New Cities, Social Media, and Sandwiches...

Oh what a difference a week makes. This time seven days ago, I was bemoaning the boredom that had settled in my life. The sameness of everything; the monotonous grind of non-changing weather, writing routine, and social life. Bad times. But in happier times, I can confirm I took my own advice. I mixed things up. I opened the metaphoric windows. I let a breeze whip through my day. And not, as I explained last week, in an earth-shatteringly dramatic way. Nope, not for a single second. Instead, I tried a new thing. Are you sitting comfortable? Then I'll carry on. 

I did not, you'll be pleased to know, do 
an Oasis walk at any point on my jaunt.

Despite living half an hour away from the centre of Manchester, I never go there. Ever. I've nothing against Manchester. I just happen to live ten minutes nearer to my home town of Liverpool. That's where I go when I feel the pull of a city. So, with a spare Saturday and an open mind, I took myself off for a day trip. Look, day trip makes it sound like I packed sandwiches and woke at dawn. Nothing that adventurous happened. I simply got a train, looked round the shops, went to Afflecks - a place I've heard about since my teenage wannabe-goth days - and then got the Metro back to the station. It was great. I don't know why I don't do it more often. And how fab is the Metro? Since the last time I travelled on it (a very long day watching a cricket match at Old Trafford in 2013), it's all tap and go. Like the Tube! I loved it, and it perked my week right up. I'm just telling you so that readers of last week's blog can have the closure they undoubtedly need. You're welcome.

Catch up on the first Leeza
book before the second 
rocks your world.

Writing News

I read though the whole draft of Leeza McAuliffe Book 2. Again. I still find things to change when I do, but it's getting there. I've told myself I'm going to stop titting about and move on to the next step by the end of July. That next step will be to get in touch with the editor. I'm at the point where every time I read it, I can practically recite it - not bad for a 60,000 word novel - so it's time to move forward. More as we have it. (In more closure from last week, some young people now have their hands on it. I await their honest feedback with fearful gratitude.)

Sigh. They were everything.

Culture

Speaking of new things to invigorate life, I've joined Threads. You know, the new social media app that's aiming to take over the ever-failing Twitter. So far I'm largely sceptical. It's fine. No, it's better than fine. It's just not completely Twitter when Twitter was good. But I'm persevering. I can't tell you how empty it feels to have an honest-to-God exciting day in politics (Johnson getting slammed by the privileges committee for example) and barely anyone's Tweets on the matter being visible. It was so much fun to share thoughts and read decent analysis as events unfolded*. That's what I'm looking for on Threads. Time will tell, I guess. In other, emotionally charged, news, the Wham! documentary on Netflix was the best thing I've seen in ages. (Click that link to see the trailer if you need more convincing.) How lovely were Andrew and George? The answer is very.

Just imagine!

Food and Drink

I'm all about cherries this week. My sister had them in her fridge when I babysat a couple of weeks ago, and I've added them to my weekly shop ever since. I'm assuming it's the right time of year or something, because the basic supermarket ones are as ripe as anything. Hurrah. Alternatively, I'm becoming borderline obsessed with the range of sandwiches from Marksie's Plant Kitchen. A veggie butty no longer has to be egg and cress. Nope, take a look at this bad boy. New York Style Salt Beef on a Pretzel Roll with a Slaw and Dill Pickle. (Sandwich eaten. But you can imagine.) The absolute dream!

Out and About
In my continuing bid to support the teacher's strike and show solidarity to former colleagues, I babysat the niece and neph again. Yep, they had a strike day off school whilst their parents worked. This meant a 5.30am start to avoid the potential madness of an M62 and M1 rush hour. It was a genuinely lovely morning drive; an open road filled with podcasts. And lovely to share the day with the niece and neph too. Aunt's Bants should be my official side hustle.

May your own weeks be full of open minds, great sandwiches, and new experiences as desired. Alternatively, crack on with whatever you want to do, however you want to do it. It's fine either way.

Have a lovely week, folks 

*See also, Eurovision. Live-Tweeting the final used to be brilliant. So much engagement, so many connections made. This year, the social media side of things  was decidedly less good. I'm counting on Threads to ditch the algorithmic timeline for a chronological one for future Eurovision bants.

Airing the Boredom, Relatable Comedy, and TXT SPK...

 I know how you feel, Britney.

Everyone I know is on holiday right now. So it seems. I see photos on WhatsApp and social media, of outdoor restaurants and airport pints, and get a pang of jealousy. Even though I've got my own jaunt planned for the end of August, I'm so ready to escape. I think it's the weather. I'm bored of it. It's been the same for weeks. Or maybe it's because I've been editing my current manuscript forever (cough *seven months*) and I'm bored of that too. Either way, I'm ready for something different. 

So I have two choices. I can moan, or I can mix things up. I'm going with the latter. I mean, I'll probably moan too. I'm not above that. But for the rest of the time, I'll be looking for new things to do. These don't have to be life-changing and dramatic. I've not got the energy. No, it'll be the small stuff. A new route for a walk. A different Costa to work in. A change of supermarket for a big shop. I'm not trying to upturn my life; just blow a bit of fresh air around the gaff. Hopefully a few tweaks will tide me over until I escape with my own airport pint. It's a plan, folks.

This is MY era of teenager.

Writing News

What's the latest editing focus for the new Leeza McAuliffe book? Well let me tell you. I've found a couple of real life teenagers. Yep, actual people the same age as the characters I'm writing. Whilst I don't want to change the entire vibe of Leeza and Jake's voices, I do need to check a few things. For eg, Would a teenager in modern day UK, type GR8 instead of GREAT? Would they use MSG instead of MESSAGE. If a real life teenager wants to say thank you via text, would they write THNX or is there an even briefer way of conveying gratitude? These are the burning questions I have. Basically - and even though it sounds silly, it's important - I need to know if my attempts at youthful message chat sound plausible today. Or do they, as I fear they may, sound like a forty-five year old peri-menopausal woman trying to be down with the kids? That's where we are this week. 

Bridget Christie
rocks The Change.

Culture

It might be my age, but I absolutely devoured The Change on Ch4. Bridget Christie's sitcom is about a woman who hits the menopause, looks at her life, and thinks sod this. Actually, it's not that dramatic. She looks at her life, thinks, I'm going to take some time for myself, and goes on holiday for a few weeks. It's laugh out loud funny, with engaging characters and massively relatable exchanges. I loved it. In movie news, I stumbled over A Love Song the other night. Continuing the trend of films I adore where nothing ever happens and no one says much, it's an absolute delight.

Cucumber salad (with dill and pickle
 juice) along with salmon, prawns,
peppers mushrooms, and
halloumi. 

Food and Drink

I had a late-night Maccies last weekend. Lordy, it'd been a while. Possibly decades. Despite my usual pescatarian lifestyle choice, I hoovered a cheese burger and fries once the pub had kicked out. A subversive delight. In other food news, there's been a lot of BBQed fish and salad on the go. (Much more photogenic than the Maccies.)

Out and About

After a weekend of staying in with no plans (boooo) I rectified it by a last minute jaunt to The Wine Club. See, mixing it up already! Who doesn't love a cheeky bottle of wine to beat the Sunday night blues?!

If you're on holiday, woohoo! If you're counting down to one, more woohoo! If you're bored to tears and life's become mundane and ennui-filled, enjoy choosing ways to inject excitement. I imagine there are even better things to do than swap supermarkets or coffee shops. If you can fight through the boredom to think of them, that is. Best of luck!

Have a lovely week, folks