Funeral Inspo and Good Enough Plans...

Yes Brett! I was banging on
about your podcast!

Once a week, I find myself pondering death. Yep, you heard. No holds barred today. It's because I listen to Brett Goldstein's podcast Films To Be Buried With. Each week he asks his guest a series of questions, including how they think they will die, whether they believe in an afterlife, and what's the one film they want with them in heaven, for when it's their turn to choose movie night.* It's a cracking listen. So when the pod drops each Thursday, I find myself driving to Costa or picking up groceries, soundtracked by all the big questions. Life, death, legacy, and what film did you used to love, but you saw it recently and it doesn't hold up anymore? Like I said, it's a cracking listen.

Legacy is an interesting one. For parents of children, it's a no-brainer. Your DNA literally outlives you, regardless of what else you achieve. Good one. For me, it's less obvious. I don't need to be remembered beyond the lifespan of anyone that knew me for real, but I do like that my books - the fruit of my literary loins! - are in the British Library. I think they're supposed to be there forever. At least their place on a computerised index system will be. Fun! 

Tiff from Eastenders was
killed with a cheese.
It all happens in Midsomer.

What I have given more thought to, is the vibe of my funeral. There's a Midsomer Murders episode with Honor Blackman. You know the one, right? Course you do. She gets bumped off early doors, but her funeral is filled with laughter and music. Cases of champagne are carried into the house as a thank you from someone she once helped. It's agreed by all in attendance that she was a right good laugh, and they toast and celebrate accordingly. (Much to the chagrin of her grown up son and his wife, who were more of the view that Mummy was a bit much.) Anyway. I digress. That's a great vibe for a funeral. Whack on the music - Alexa, play Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves - and crack open the booze. Toast me, enjoy yourself, have a laugh. That's a good enough plan, innit?

Image: from the BBC

There are, of course, other brilliant ways to celebrate a life. On Thursday, Barry Cryer died. When I saw the news, I felt an immediate pang. He'd been famous my entire life. He hadn't retired. He hadn't quietly faded from view because of scandal. He'd written for comedians of all generations and remained relevant and funny in his older years. Here's a clip from Would I Lie To You if you want a refresh. 

This has been shared repeatedly
so I don't know who to credit.
Barry Cryer, I guess.

All through Thursday, my Twitter timeline gathered momentum. I mostly follow writers, comedians, and political journalists, so apart from the latest Downing Street nonsense, there was only one story. Tweet after tweet, tributes were paid. It became clear that Barry Cryer had known, or been friends, with almost everyone that's ever worked in comedy. Young and old paid their respects. New stand ups just breaking through, as well as seasoned comics who knew him fifty years ago. But what was particularly lovely was the tone of the tributes. Rather than the sombre nature of usual RIP comments, my timeline was filled with joke after joke after joke. Anecdotes about meeting him, stories from between filming takes, ad libbed punchlines that he delivered with a twinkle - it was a treasure trove of comedic gold. Everyone shared. I grinned each time I looked. Eventually I felt the need to tweet myself. My opinion is mostly irrelevant almost all of the time, yet I wanted to share what a joy it was to read the collective outpouring. I went with, 'My timeline is filled with love for Barry Cryer and it's so cheering despite the news. What a legacy.'

An artist's impression
of my funeral.

Indeed, what a legacy. What an amazing body of work to leave behind. Wouldn't it be brilliant to have had a career like his. But what became clear on Thursday, was that you don't need to be a comedy writer extraordinaire to leave such a big mark on the world. The main theme of the tributes was that Barry Cryer was a good friend. He made people laugh. He was kind. How lovely is that? And it's achievable for all of us. We might not have worked with Morecambe and Wise, but we can aim to live lives that make others happy. That, along with the champagne and Alexa funeral, is another good enough plan. Innit.

Have a lovely week, folks.

*My first thought is always Before Sunrise. It's my absolute favourite and always will be. But what I love about that film is leaving it years between viewings so it comes at me fresh with each rewatch. Not ideal for my only film for eternity. So instead, I'm going to say When Harry Met Sally. I could watch that forever. And I would have to.

**Wedding Crashers. It used to make me snort laughing but now comes off as entitled man-babies duping women into sex. Yuck.  

Limited Vegetarianism, Copyright Pending, and a Week of Screams...

Lolz. I'm all for
dismissing Blue Monday
out of hand, but I'm
not sure that means
this gif is right.

Hey there, how's it going? Depending on your echo chamber of choice, you may have been bombarded with Blue Monday nonsense last week. Alternatively, you may have remained happily ignorant of this particular marketing ploy. Feeling down can come at any time and generally lasts longer than a day.  So let's knock Blue Monday on the head, yeah? Excellent. And on we go.

The planner (and additional
notebooks) of dreams!

Writing News

Oh I DO love this stage of the game. My planning notebook's full of blank pages whilst my head is full of ideas. And right now I get to spend weekdays merging the two. Hurrah for my self-indulgent life; this is the fun part! Fun it might be, but I'm still being productive. The past week has seen me really hone in on the overall plot of the next book. I've got a double page spread of the key narrative points, over the twelve months/chapters. That's my planner's control centre. That's what took the longest time to lock in. From that, I've made a page-per-chapter section, where all the smaller details are stored. I'm still adding to that as we speak, but it's filling up nicely. My planner needs to be as robust as possible before I start to type actual sentences. But it's getting there. It really is.

Culture

Last week I told you I'd seen the new Scream film and it had been very good. That's still true. But what I didn't say was how much I'd been unable to shake it off afterwards. The 5th film, currently in cinemas, really hooked into the appeal of the original. I couldn't get it out of my mind. So in the end, I did the only sensible thing possible. I rewatched Scream, Scream 2, Scream 3 and Scream 4, and then listened to the Hello Sidney podcast where an entire episode was dedicated to each film. I am now fully immersed in my 1990s memories, including all those times at school when a masked killer was on the loose. (It is possible some mental lines have blurred.) Either way, I am fully Scream-ed out whilst having had a marvellously retro week of horror. 

Here's what it would've looked like
if I'd have dropped my pan of
chilli before adding the cheese
and macaroni. Hope that helps.

Food and Drink

A TV chef that generally annoys me, reminded me about laksa this week. So even though I begrudge them their career, I found myself popping some coconut milk and noodles into my trolley and whizzing up spices. It was delish. A similar version of what I did, is here. Meanwhile, I can report that I've had the best culinary idea of my life. Is this already a thing? If not, I'm claiming it. First of all, make a chilli. However you like, but keep it a bit more liquidy than normal. But then - and this is the genius bit - add macaroni! Yes, cook the pasta so it soaks up the liquid and softens in the chilli. And then - and this is the second genius bit - stir through a load of Philadelphia and any other cheese that needs using up. Yep, I have invented chilli macaroni cheese, or as I'm calling it on the copyright forms, MacChilli. Spicy, cheesy, warming, and gorge. It's my heartfelt gift to you all.

Lamb curry at Mowgli!

Out and About

Mowgli, Mowgli, Mowgli, you are my favourite of all the restaurants. And it makes me smug to my back teeth that you started life in Liverpool, and have only recently found a space in London. On Saturday night I was in my happy place on Bold Street, eating House Lamb Curry - my vegetarianism has it's limits. Mowgli's lamb curry will be never be kept from me - and feeling all happy about the world. 

Hopefully, happy moments involving food, films, work productivity, and/or everything and anything else have littered your week, willy nilly. If not, they're bound to be on their way for next time. Defo.

Have a lovely week, folks.

Cooling Karma, Year Seven, and Lovely Bob...

You've caught me yawning this morning. Too much Twitter-scrolling at beddy-bies instead of a decent night's kip. If someone could tell the Leaker of Parties that I need some rest, that'd be grand. It's all too compelling, click-baity, and ridiculous to close my eyes. Oh, and utterly fury-making too. How am I supposed to sleep with that shower still in charge? January always hands us Big News Events, doesn't it? But I can't lie. There's something marvellous to be said for karma. The cooling balm of powerful men who thought they could do as they liked without consequence, being held accountable for five minutes. It seems they're all over the place at the moment. More of that please, if you don't mind.

I'm not even trying to be
funny or mock-arrogant,
 but I was really impressed
with myself when I read this
back. It stands up OK I think.

Writing News

Well now, it's begun again. The latest project - aka Book4, aka Leeza McAuliffe Part 2 - is underway. Here's where I'm at so far. 

• Re-read Leeza McAuliffe Has Something To Say. ✅
• Make notes about conventions, annual events, key dates from the previous year. ✅
• Make a list of big events and key plot points that will take place throughout the new book's narrative to bring the drama. ✅
• Make a list of small events, funny situations, and snippets of real life that will fit between the big events and keep things flowing. ✅
• Cut out all the big and little events onto strips of paper and arrange throughout the timespan of the book plan. ➡

You see? We're well underway. We're immersed. The planning of Leeza McAuliffe is slightly different from any other book planning because it's a diary. I need to spread the peaks and troughs, drama and suspense over the period of a year. Which means I need narrative rise and fall, twelve times. That's what I'm working on this week. The rise and fall of all the drama, balanced with the mundanity of everyday life as a girl in Year Seven. Also, I need more info about Year Seven. It was easy writing her Year Six experiences from my know-it-all position as an ex-primary teacher. This time I'm going to have to do a bit of research. Watch out children of my friends who are at high school! I have questions for you!

Culture

Bob Mortimer's book, And Away, is utterly lovely. If you've had a health scare and are coming back from a near-death experience, this book's for you. If you loved Vic and Bob's Big Night Out and all the subsequent Reeves and Mortimer stuff, this book's for you. If you like fishing, or the TV show Gone Fishing, or Paul Whitehouse, or the 90's comedy scene in general, this book's for you. I picked it up for a quick look and put it down four hours later when it was done. I'd had a lovely afternoon. 

TBF, I've had to
zoom in quite
a bit here.

In other culture news, I've finished Netflix's Stay Close. It was gripping and enjoyable as well as preposterous and frustrating. I shouted at the screen whenever Cush Jumbo drove from her Blackpool-based home to where the rest of the plot took place, via the Runcorn Bridge. The toll charges she would've wracked up would bankrupt her! And then of course, there was The Dream. Yes, St Helens' very own 'big head sculpture' made several appearances. As I can see it from my landing, it made the Blackpool coastline location all the more confusing. For clarity, I cannot see the Pleasure Beach from any part of my house. All this has done is make me feel solidarity with the 1980s residents of Jersey when Bergerac was being geographically wrong all over the shop. TV develops empathy, folks. Let's never forget that.

This is the exact opposite of
what went down. No chickpeas
no dancing, no energy.

Food and Drink

Last week, I had planned an interesting tea that I'd found on Pinterest. It was a chickpea thing with a sticky maple marinade, and jasmine rice. But events conspired against me. A mixture of pre-menstrual backache, as well as an overwhelming lack of desire to marinade chickpeas, led me to order a mid-week Dominos pizza. And Reader, it was fabulous. Made all the more fabulous by my last-minute, devil-may-care, frig-the-calories, attitude. I heartily recommend such spontaneity to put a spring in your step.

Out and About

I had a Friday night meet up with my sixth form friends, which was just excellent. What with all the nonsense, it'd been about 18 months since we'd done that, and last time it was in a freezing back garden. I also had a cinema outing when I saw Scream 5 at the Odeon. It was - and I will NOT mince my words for anyone - really good. Stand down, Kermode. No other reviews are necessary.

For those that like the lighter days, I hope you're enjoying the daily extra minute's sunlight. All the light began at 8.18am today. Sadly, because of my vampirish lifestyle, this plays havoc with my mood. I miss you, Shortest Day of the Year! We'll meet again, one day! Still, on we go, regardless. Hope all is well where you are and with what you're doing.

Have a lovely week, folks. 

Waiting on a Notebook...

My cleaning routine? Of 
course! Slather cheapo
cream all over your face and
 neck, then hold a hot, wet
 cloth onto your face for a
few seconds before
scrubbing it all off.
You're welcome! 

How are the resolutions going? What about those lifestyle changes? Anyone ditched the new gym membership and sunk back into a box of biscuits? Yes? Marvellous. We're all as shit as each other. As for myself, my personal belief about New Years Resolutions -they're a waste of time so don't bother - took a battering approximately ten days ago when I vowed 2022 was the year I would cleanse my face on a daily basis. So far, it's still a thing, although I can't promise I'll be saying the same next Monday. Hey ho, on we trot, making mistakes and blagging away.

Writing News

It shouldn't be a big deal but my new notebook hasn't arrived. And I know I can buy all sorts of notebooks from all sorts of shops, any time I like. But you see, I'd sourced an utterly lovely one from Etsy that was going to be the Notebook of Dreams. It was going to make planning Leeza McAuliffe Part Two (working title) a doddle. And I'm loathe to jump in with an inferior product. So in terms of Writing News I've been making a vague and non-official list of all the things I need to do once the notebook arrives. Mainly, I still need to reread Leeza McAuliffe Part One (not working title!) and make notes as I go. Damn you, errant notebook, holding up my plans, and my excellent ideas!

Fairly near the top of my TBR pile.
Also on there is Bob Mortimer's 
And Away, and Chris Brookmyre's
Flesh Wounds.

Culture

Isn't New Year telly brilliant? One minute I'm mourning the end of a month of festive film viewing, the next I'm being offered an absolute feast of quality TV to see me into the next year. Did you catch A Very British Scandal? A wittily written yet ultimately true story of the marriage and divorce of the Duke and Duchess of Argyle. Not your thing? How about The Tourist? A mystery thriller set in the Australian outback with enough humour to keep the potential creepiness at bay (and with added Jamie Dornan to boot.) Perhaps you prefer something with more emotional punch? The story of Anne Williams, the mum of a lad killed at Hillsborough, packs just that. Anne was on my planner when everyone - that's EVERYONE - was saying how powerful and moving it was. When I finally watched it - four episodes in one evening - it was just as they had said. Intense and exceptional. I urge you to give it a look. In other news, I saw The 355 at the cinema last week, which was perfectly fine, and then I ordered some books with my Christmas vouchers. A couple of thrillers by Lisa Jewell have arrived and are ready to be devoured.

Mushroom, sweet potato,
and brie pie. Mmmmmmmm.

Food and Drink

Due to inopportune positive COVID tests, the vegetarian option for Christmas dinner went uneaten over the festive period. That meant that last week I defrosted said vegetarian option - a pie! - and ate it for a Monday night tea. And it was fit AF. Mushroom, sweet potato, and brie are now my favourite pie contents in the world. (Huh. Egg custard might pip that. Let's just agree that they tie.) Anyway, after devouring the Marksies version in the week, I found a similar-ish recipe online, tweaked it to add sweet potato, and made my own. Here's the link if you're moved to try it out. You won't regret it. (Unless you don't like mushrooms, sweet potato, or brie. Or pies. )

Out and About

The routine is coming back slowly but surely. Brunch on a Wednesday, Costa on a Thursday, and the cinema on a Friday. The rest of the time I'm at my desk, making lists of what I'll do when my notebook turns up. (I'll fill it with more lists. That's what.) It's a bit of a tightrope now, isn't it? Avoiding COVID but supporting the businesses you want to keep afloat. I've got my mask and my triple jabbed status, and I'll sit outside wherever it makes sense to do so. I'm not sure what else I can do tbh. Of course when that notebook comes there'll be no time for getting out and about. Writing graft will take over. Fingers crossed! Hopefully! Who knows?!

Have a lovely week, folks. 

First Blog of the Year...

HELLO 2022! You're here! You made it! Welcome! And if it's all the same with you, can we have some nice, calm, healthy, non-stressful days ahead, please? If it's not too much to ask, like. I don't want to be a nag but it would be great if you could ease us in gently. None of your lockdowns at a moment's notice, or political insurrections of last year, if you don't mind. Thanks awfully.

Writing News

In 2021 my third book came into the world. I love writing books. It's the best feeling when someone's read one and tells you they liked it. Even when someone says they've read it but then say nothing else. You know that means they weren't fussed, but it still feels amazing. Because all the hard work, doubt, and wondering whether you'll have anything to show for it in the end, was worth it when someone's read it and formed an opinion. So even though it takes ages and you lose your mind more than once and you repeatedly decide your writing's shit, it's part of a process that must be endured to reach the end result. And now, after a small mental break of a couple of months, it's time to start the process again. Next week, Leeza McAuliffe Part 2 is getting started. I say getting started, but my first job is to reread Part 1 to remind myself what went on. But yeah, that's the writing news for this week. I'm warming up and doing my stretches ready for the next writing adventure. Bring. It. On. 

Culture

I finished Nathalie Normann's Christmas Island on Christmas Eve - an enjoyable romp about a woman finding both love and Christmas baking on a Norwegian island. It provided pockets of escapism when the madness of the season got too full on. Since Christmas I read Chris Brookmyre's Fallen Angel which I absolutely loved. Much more dark and cynical, and befitting of my post-Christmas mood. I've been nowhere near the cinema since early December due to a lack of time and remaining COVID-free, but I've caught up on all my favourite post-Christmas films at home. Those are films I first saw at Christmas when I was younger, so have a festive association for me. I've boxed off Dirty Dancing, Shirley Valentine, and Crocodile Dundee. And don't worry, I've not neglected my Agatha Christies. Peter Ustinov's Poirot remains my favourite and I've managed to fit in all the films he made in the role. 

Elevenses 

Food and Drink

Lolz. Let's cut the waffle and keep this simple. Cheese. Cheese and crackers. Cheese and bread. Cheese and olives. Cheese and chutney. Cheese and cheese. Cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese... need I go on? Good.

I captured my
mood, mid-shift.

Out and About

Annoyingly my post-Christmas slump of PJs and sofa-clinging was interrupted by a staff shortage in the business of which I'm a silent partner. Over the past week I've been much more audible, what with all my 'typing numbers into a computer' work I've had to do. I feel far too qualified in life for basic data entry, sitting on my arse, uploading info in such a monotonous way. But it turns out, I'm qualified for nothing! Unless you want some kids taught from a curriculum that was ditched once Gove got his hands on it, I'm next to useless. Hey ho, let's start the year with some positivity. We're here, we're braced for what the year will bring, we're going to be OK. Woohoo!

Have a lovely week, folks.