But What Can an Ice-Cream Taster Do?...

Isn't it lovely how nice people are being? National clapping en masse, neighbourhood WhatsApp groups all over the show, sporty types streaming PE content to children everywhere. Even Candy Crush have been giving away free lives, willy nilly. Proper heartwarming, it is.

I'm sure it's not intentional, 
but Snow White looks like she's 
taking the piss here.

But living with a frontline NHS member of staff tends to put my own worth into perspective*. Even though I KNOW I'm marvellous, the question has to be asked, 'Does the world REALLY need me to spend an entire day tweaking a paragraph to make it flow better? DOES IT?' 

Well, you know what, at some point the answer will be a resounding, 'YES, IT DOES'. Frivolous, silly, and escapist fun will be back in our lives before long. It might even be keeping some of us going while we're in lockdown. But while creative endeavour has its well-established place in society, I'm happy to accept it's not important with a capital I. Not really. Pharmacists, nurses, doctors and all varieties of NHS workers are definitely worthy of their collective clap, no arguments there. On top of that, there's a fairly large amount of perspective being drawn about a host of other roles too. Cleaners, carers, dispensers, drivers, supermarket staff, refuse collectors, and many many more, are now considered vitally important roles that allow society to tick over in the face of threat. We should have known that already, but it's clear as anything now. 

So what can I do? Well, at the moment I appear to be - touch wood, hello Mr Magpie, stand back as I throw salt over my shoulder etc etc  - the only Bond within a sixty-mile radius not having to isolate for fourteen days. So I can still get groceries and medication to those that can't. But that's not all. Oh no. I can also give you the gift of free books! Yes, there's no point having a couple of novels going spare, if you can't share them freely with the world when there's a global pandemic, is there? That's just basic. 

But there's a snag. Those pesky beggars at Amazon won't let me make my ebooks any cheaper than £0.99p. I vaguely remember having to ensure any price I set ended with .99 so they were standardised. So, if you want the ebook of either Carry the Beautiful, or Leeza McAuliffe Has Something To Say then it's as cheap as it can be via the links above.

Leeza McAuliffe Has
Something To Say FREE
Child-friendly - puberty gets
 mentioned, as does a bit of Y6 SRE. 
I'd say around the 8+age range.

But, I can do more! If you want to get your hands on either book for absolutely-definitely-for sure free, I can offer you the PDF docs of both novels. There is very little difference between those and the ebooks, anyway. Click the link to whichever you fancy, (below the cover picture) and they should be there for you. And you don't need an eReader or Kindle App to access them. Just the old 'tint. They might pass the time for a day or so. Alternatively, they might make you realise that if this is the sort of thing that passes for literature, you could do much better yourself. Rise to the challenge and use the lockdown to get that novel out of your system! Go on, have a go, there is literally nothing to lose.

Carry the Beautiful FREE
Adult fiction. Tilda starts to
wonder about her past?
She pulls a thread that
won't stop unravelling. 
How will it all turn out?

If you want something even more brilliant and interesting to read than my own output (What? Yeah, it's hard to believe, but it's true) here is the link to the screenplay of Knives Out (and some others by Rian Johnson) that I read recently. Rian Johnson released it to help those in lockdown and I read it and it passed a very happy afternoon. Seeing the film is infinitely better, but reading the script afterwards always makes me view things much more deeply. Have a look, if you are so inclined.

So there we go. Free books, links to a cracking script, and heartfelt appreciation for all the people making sure we can function as much as possible. Remember, when all else fails, and books and scripts aren't doing it for us, there's always Candy Crush. Get popping those candies and distract yourself mindlessly for a bit longer.

Have a lovely week, folks.


*This sketch from Mitchell and Webb nails it perfectly and makes me laugh too. It also explains the title of this post.