It'll Take More Than Loo Roll...

Booooo to panic-buying. Can we all have a minute? Whenever there’s a bit of snow forecast, or before Christmas week when the shops are shut for a day, people go mad. Remember the petrol crisis in 2000? The pumps were drained, not because of the protest, but because upon hearing about it, people drove en masse to fill up. If everyone calmed it for a sec, there may well be enough for all. Now, supermarket aisles are decimated and you can only get a sliced loaf in exchange for a lung. Coronavirus UK. Literal scenes.

This made me chuckle.
God love you, Kathy Burke.

But what do I know? I’m lucky. I take no essential medication and I've got a drawer full of OTC basics. I bulk-buy my loo roll every ten weeks online, and it’s not long since the last delivery. I won’t be scrapping in the Asda for half a roll of Cushelle, not this week, anyway. Food wise, I’ve no reason to panic, either. Over the years, I’ve inadvertently cultivated a shelf of half-full pasta bags and a mishmash of rice. As long as I’ve no problem mixing shapes, and combining different grains, it’ll be fine. Then there are the remnants of my No Deal Brexit Drawer. (Don’t worry. It’ll be gradually restocked if no extension's agreed in the Summer. I’m not daft.) I’ve mostly got tinned tomatoes, butter beans and spices left. In the event of getting symptoms and self-isolating, or experiencing a national lockdown, my meals would be uninspiring but I’d manage. There are a million worse positions in which to be.

Chickpeas, mustard, and Philadelphia. 
It looks shocking, but it's a meal. 
(The chip in the bowl does
 nothing to lift the bleakness.)

For me, the bigger panic of a lockdown comes from not being able to leave the house. Despite isolated-working as standard, I need to stretch my legs and see daylight every so often. Be it Tesco, Costa, or a walk in the park, I get antsy if I don’t break up the indoors with a burst of outside every couple of days. It’s with this in mind that I’ve started to stockpile something more important than basic groceries. I’m stockpiling ideas. Yeah, I know. I sound like I’m stoned but it’s true. I can’t be caught short with no plan in place. If it’s suddenly announced that the schools are shutting and everything's closed, I’ve got a list of strategies to make it work. To keep me sane. To delay the claustrophobia and provide some mental respite. Wanna hear them? Oh good. That’s a relief.

Plenty of old favourites
to re-read here.

   1.  This is home-working 101 but important to remember. I can’t sit in the same room all day. I need to shower at some point. And the TV can’t go on until 6pm. I’m used to this a few days a week. I just need to be consistent.
   
2.  If all the funtime venues are shut, there’s a gap to fill. Italy are kindly providing their citizens with free Pornhub, so that’s sorted. But with no cinema, no going to be pub, and no communal hobbies, what to do with all the spare time? The TV can’t do all the heavy lifting so it’s time to read some books. I'll re-read old favourites, I’ll make a dent in my TBR pile, and then download new stuff willy-nilly. I recently read Nick Hornby's Juliet, Naked, which reminded me how much I love Nick Hornby books. Revisiting his back catalogue would be a very happy way to lose myself in the long evenings of not much else.

   3.  Most nights I’m happy to watch repeats of Murder She Wrote as I eat my tea. Or Father Browns, Poirots, and Murdoch Mysteries. Whatever’s on the Alibi channel; I’m not that discerning. But these aren’t normal times. The TV can’t be background noise like a bog standard evening. Not when it’s the only portal to the outside world. In the event of a quarantine, I’ve already decided. I’m going to re-watch Last Tango in Halifax. Every single episode. It’s a masterclass in writing, acting, and directing, and the latest series has been a treat. If I’m hauled up inside with boring food and cancelled plans, then I’m bringing out the big guns. It's Last Tango for me. Alternative quality TV is also available.*

Just a cheeky 9.5%er left
over from Christmas.
I've got a few random
 bottles like that, that
would make an empty
evening fly by.

  4.  Wine. Wine and beer. Wine, beer, and gin. I’ve got a drink stash left from Christmas so my Friday and Saturday evening’s alcohol intake can carry on for the foreseeable future. But there's more to life than booze. No, really. The other luxuries and vices that pepper my week need to be planned for. Chocolate? Face packs? Cigs? I don’t smoke, so that’s covered. But my dry skin would hate to run out of moisturiser, spoilt cow that it is. And even though I don’t usually keep chocolate in the house, it feels remiss to assume I won’t get a sudden craving mid-quarantine. I need to think of the lovely things as well as the basics. I do understand people’s urge to ensure their household supply of toilet roll is robust. I get it. But if ALL you’ve focused on are literal basics, then it’s going to be a long, hard road ahead. A clean-bottomed one, but still. We need to remember the nice things too.

Abso-frigging-lutely.
Perspective and empathy are always handy.

Maybe I’m overthinking. It’s highly possible. But the need to be in control is an embedded part of my personality. I’m not happy when decisions are made for me. So if we’re told to shut our doors and ride it out, at least I’ve given it some thought. If I get a cough or a temperature, I can self-isolate in the knowledge I'm mentally prepared. But for now, things are positive. I'm in good health and don't think I’ve had contact with any coughing, face-touchers. I am still going about my business whilst maintaining a clear buffer zone to preserve my personal space. No change there, then. It’s just reassuring to know, that in the event of a national emergency, I will spend the evenings with wine, books, Sarah Lancashire, and mis-matched pasta shapes. As I said, there are a million worse positions in which to be.

Have a lovely week, folks.


*I've also earmarked a rewatch of Queer as Folk, all of Taskmaster, and the film Reality Bites - which I loved when I was 20, and I want to see if it holds up.