Monday, 30 December 2024

And That's A Wrap...

Can it be? Can three hundred and sixty five days have passed since the start of the 2024? Well not quite but almost! It's nearly done; about to be consigned to the history books in the same way that past favourites like 1985, or 1994, have been. The day after tomorrow, 2024 will be in... the PAST.

But stop right there! Before we say a final goodbye, let's linger a moment on the highlights of the year. And what better way to commemorate an entire year than a look back at this blog's Long Rambles. A treat for us all! 

Before we begin, I must make a small admission. This has happened before so you'll be fine, I'm sure. For some reason, despite my best intentions, my Long Ramble in November, did not happen. I've no idea what happened. Bad planning on my part, obviously. We'll gloss over it now and say no more. Are you ready to reflect? Are you ready to reminisce? Are you ready to Ramble? Hurrah!

A gif that looks like a dictionary entry. It says, 'January (n) A giant Monday.'
January
We start with a writery one. Some thoughts on suspending disbelief, and how much fiction I can push a reader into believing, before it gets silly. How Far Can I Take You? answers all that and more.

A gif od bright pink balloons, made to spell out FEBRUARY.
February
What do you do if you suddenly remember how much you enjoyed roller booting as a child? You Buy the Boots, of course! Insights into my new hobby, plus strong thoughts on people who say things like, 'You're too old for that.'

A calendar page for March. SpongeBob Squarepants hurls himself towards it.
March
This is where the fanfare for my fourth book kicked off. Breaking News was both a cover reveal as well as the publication details for Leeza McAuliffe Has Loads More To Say. Reading it back makes me tingle. I birthed a book this year! Can you believe it?!

A jack-in-a-box jumps up, wearing a jester's hat, with the caption saying, 'April Fools.'
April
More writery nonsense, but hang on one second. This is probably the best thing I've written this year. Like an existential howl from my soul, this still reads like I've peeled away my skin and invited you to judge my core. Not all writer's have this process, but it's completely and utterly how I find it. The Highs and Lows of Cycling is everything I know about the book-writing process, condensed into one handy post. 

A flashing gif, with the words MAY written on a white background. There's a beach scene in the letters that stands out against the white. There's also a flower next to the words May.
May
More high culture - it's time for Eurovision! In Getting to Grips with Eurovision I give you my 2024 highlights. It's interesting to see how I rated eventual winner, Switzerland, or that my faves, Poland and Czechia, didn't make it past the semis. 
If you want to relive the hits, the links are contained in this post.

An animated calendar page for June. It starts off looking plain, but then a rainbow sweeps in and covers the page, and the words, 'happy pride month' are written in rainbow colours above.
June
This month's Long Ramble sees the first of two posts with fangirling in the title. I never said I was a wordsmith. (Except it's sort of implied with everything I do.) This month I was all about the actor, Andrew Scott. He's my fave. His films are my faves. I was prompted to write Fancy Some Fangirling because I'd stumbled across the entire version of his Hamlet on YouTube and it was excellent. If you're into brooding, dark, angsty roles, he's your guy.

A seaside scene, with blue water and a pale blue sky. The words 'hello July' are written in the sky. The sun is smiling.
July
I spent five days in Oslo, heard a couple of facts, and decided I knew everything there was to know about social, economic, political, and cultural Norway. With that implied caveat made clear, I stand by every word of Norwegian Vibes.

Snoopy, jumping up in glee against an olive green background. The caption reads, 'August rocks!'
August
Now for the second fangirling of the year. August saw the Democratic National Convention take place in the US. With the support of a packed arena, four nights of inspiring speeches, and a shit-tonne of positivity. Months later, none of that has changed. It was inspirational. It was full of positivity. There was widespread support for Kamala Harris and her presidential bid. Sadly, we now know, not enough. But reading back over DNC Fangirling reminds me that having hope for change is never a bad idea. Sometimes that change takes a bit longer, that's all.

Lois from Family Guy is standing in the kitchen. The caption says, 'Oh my God, is it September already.'
September
Some more writer's introspection. Despite How Far Can You Go? sounding similar to January's Long Ramble, this one's about censorship. It's the age-old question. Should you include 'bad language' in a tween/YA book if that's realistically how people that age, talk. Thoughts were explored in this month's post.

An orange and autumnal looking leafy tree in a park. The caption in bubble writing says, 'Hello October' with glittery orange letters.
October
If it's October, that means only one thing. No! Not Menopause Awareness Month, but thank you for your support. Nope, October is Halloween. Here's a post - one I've used before - that outlines some of my favourite spooky TV and films, despite not enjoying horror or unsettling scenes one tiny bit. A Spooky Rehash is here for your records.

A cosy scene. A tray is placed on a beige/oatmeal coloured covered bed, with a mug, and autumnal fruits place on it. Hello November is printed over the gif.
November 
I DO NOT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. SOZ.

An outdoor snowy street. there are trees, cars, and everything is covered in white. There are lights in the trees, and the caption reads, Hello December.
December
The most recent Long Ramble is - as is my brand - all about me. When I trained to be a teacher, the PSHE tutor made the point that all teachers are egotists. To paraphrase, she said that if you're willing to stand in front of a class of kids and attempt to control and educate them, then you really do have an inflated sense of your own importance. And yep, she was probably right. Here, in A Very Selfish Christmas Tree I explore my own narcissism, whilst sharing pretty photos of my baubles.



So there we are. We've made to the end - of the year and this post. Thank you for reading, today and always. This year saw a big rise in readers. Either I've been targeted by bots for nefarious reasons, or I'm finally nailing online promotion. Whichever way it is, I'm grateful to every non-bot reader out there. 

More in 2025? Yes? Oh, excellent.

Have a lovely week, folks.

Monday, 23 December 2024

Here's to Wednesday...

Sooo this is Christmas. And what have I done? Failed in my mission, that's what. 

A bare, wintry, tree, outside with a pale blue sky. There are white fairy lights amidst the branches.
You remember how we left things last week? I was going to head into my photo chest and dig out a childhood/teen photo of myself, to put on this week's Christmas post? Previous years have included toddler and small child versions of me, looking excitedly up at the tree, or posing with my presents on Christmas morning - all digital copies I had on my desktop. Testament to the persistence - some might say, unnecessary tenacity - of this blog, I've used them all up now. So, into the photo chest I ventured. 

Ngl, it's absolute carnage in there. There's loads of photos of my wedding. We did that disposable cameras on tables thing, so I've got hundreds of shite photos taken by drunk friends. I've got school trips and college nights out. I've got the Uni years, holidays, and plenty of other people's weddings. What I don't have, is anything Christmassy. Boooo.

Blurry white fairy lights glisten amid a dark background.
This can be viewed in two ways. On the one hand, perhaps I've never had an enjoyable Christmas. Perhaps there's never been a youthful festive experience I've wanted to commit to film. Perhaps I spent the teenage/twenties seasonal periods in a state of ennui. I'm sure there were one or two years around the fourteen/fifteen mark that might be true. But generally I know this not to be the case. 

The second way of looking at things, is probably more accurate. I was having such a good time, seeing friends, going out and about, having festive fun, that I never stopped to bring out my camera or take photos. (Photos that needed developing later. Can you fathom it?!) When I think back to my youth, that's a much more likely explanation.

A snowy scene. Two people stand in a snow-covered front garden in front of a small semi-detached house. There's snow falling from the sky and the people are covered. A short haired brunette is on the left. She's wearing a pale blue polo neck jumper under a grey winter coat and has dark jeans. The boy on the left is wearing tricky pants, a track top, and a beany hat. In front of them is a small snowman.
Me, Dom, and a snowman. 
So what can I impart this Christmas, the year of our Lord, two thousand and twenty four? Here, have this festive-adjacent photo. (The only thing in the photo chest that's even vaguely suitable because it was taken in the winter time, more or less.) It's of me and my brother, about twenty-six years ago. For a while back then, we kinda looked similar. But then I grew my hair out and he got ripped. (Well, as ripped as someone with our genetic legacy can ever be.) We're not twinnies anymore. But back then, the snow had fallen, we were slap bang in the middle of uni and school holidays, and there was only one thing to do. Build a snowman and take a photo. 

The lesson in all of this? Well I'm torn. Initially, I want to say, take more photos. You'll always want to have something to look back on. But you know what? A Christmas well lived, or more broadly, a life well lived, has no time for photographing every single second. If you were busy faffing with zooming and clicking, you'd miss so much stuff! Maybe that's the message. Live in the moment, seize the day, sack off the camera? Who knows? 

What I do know is that twenty-six years have flown by. I feel exactly the same as the person in that photo, short hair and all. And here's the thing... I think the next twenty-six years will be similarly speedy. They'll be gone in a flash, just like that. Except by then, I'll be seventy-two. Seventy-two! That feels quite the mental leap right now. Take photos or don't take photos, that's your choice. But surely the lesson here, is the importance of experiencing every single second. In no time at all, it's game over/end of play/the final whistle. (Insert your own sporting metaphor here.) Living fully before that comes, is the very least we can do. It's our goddamn duty!

A blurry background implying fairy lights and glistening. Animated white letters dance in front saying, Merry Christmas.
Whatever you're doing this week, I hope it's a blast. And if things are tricky and non-blast like, for whatever reason, I hope those feelings ease soon. For now, have a very happy Christmas, a very enjoyable week, and if Christmas is not your bag, I hope Wednesday is the best of days.

Have a lovely week, folks.

Monday, 16 December 2024

The Dying Art of the Photo Chest...

If you caught my TikTok/Insta Reel/YouTube outpouring last week (I KNOW you won't have missed it) you'll remember I've broken up for Christmas. Hurrah! This means, I've put the first draft of book 5/Leeza MacAuliffe book 3 to one side and am forgetting it for a bit. Whoppeee! Apart from being free to fully embrace the season, it means I'll be all the more creative and energised when I pick it back up in January. But I've not downed tools completely. Nope, I've got this blog, silly. Aren't you, and indeed the world at large, the absolute luckiest?!

A large wooden chest is sitting at the end of a double bed. The chest spans the width of the bed, has black metal rings, and dark brown wooden slats. On top of it are resting two sets of dumbbells and a bowl of mini toiletries.
Home to weights and toiletries, 
it's the PHOTO CHEST.
Usually around now, I start to look for a childhood photo of me - from a Christmas of yesteryear. I use it as the focal point of a post about this time of year, and I publish it the Monday before Christmas. It's a nice one to write; seasonal, meaningful, yet relatively quick. I can get it done in half an hour, then get back to whatever's next on my To Do list. That's my job for today. The thing is, when I look through the folder on my desktop labelled Old Photos, it seems I've previously used every single childhood festive snap. I've only got about six to begin with, and as I've been writing this blog since 2017, I'm not sure how I've managed to eke them out this long. So what happens now? Well, I'm going to have to eschew my digital records and - brace yourselves - venture into my photo chest! This is a wooden box at the end of my bed, that holds every physical photo I've ever taken. As my camera-owning days ran from the age of sixteen to thirty five, there's a finite number of photos from that distinct window. Imagine if I were of a generation that didn't have a smart phone in my pocket. The photo chests would take over the house! No matter. That's my job for this afternoon. Open the box, find a suitable photo, and write a festive blog for your reading pleasure. Wish me luck.

An animated yellow notebook with a spiral spine, opens on a page. On the left side it said, This is my notebook, and on the right it says, I'll be petty in it if I want to.
Writing News
I heard the best thing this week. A child I know of, is getting a diary for Christmas... so she can 'be like Leeza'. My fictional protagonist, Leeza McAuliffe, whose diary spans two whole books (available now for stocking filler fun!) is influencing young minds up and down the country. And you know what? I couldn't be more chuffed. I got proper chills and thrills when I heard. Look, diary writing as a youth is SO useful. It's a gift to your older self. You're finding your voice, learning your ethics, solving your problems and having the space and privacy to make mistakes and work out life. A diary is the route to finding yourself. It's the way of moving from being told what to think by the adults in your life, to discovering it for yourself.* So if Leeza and her antics have encouraged just one person (who may or may not know they're getting a diary at this point) to develop their inner world in order to live their outer life, then I am SO chuffed about it. It's not so much writing news but it made me happy and it's book related. It'll do.

A snippet of the Band Aid video for Do They Know It's Christmas. The camera pans over Simon le Bon, Bob Geldof, Paul Weller, Bananarama, Sade, Bono, Sting, and George Michael.
How is this 40 years ago?
Culture
Because of where I spent the past week (see Out and About for details) I rewatched Netflix's A Castle For Christmas. It's not the greatest movie but it was filmed near my recent break so I cracked on, awash with vibes. In more music-focused Culture news, I watched the BBC doc, Band Aid: Do They Know It's Christmas. The song is forty years old this year. And whilst it gets understandable criticism these days, this documentary - showing the stars of the day, awkwardly chatting, nervously singing in front of each other, and wondering if it would all come together in the end - is charming. Plus, the 80s pop nostalgia for those that love it, is unbeatable. 

A white circular plate with a brown pastry topped pie in the centre. The pastry has broken a little on one side, and there's brown meaty mush visible.
My version of local delicacy,
Cottoms hotpot. FIT AS.
Food and Drink
One more week of healthyish eating and drinking. I say heathyish, but what I mean is, 'not crazy.' I'm keeping the cheese, the party food, and the puddings at bay, and trying to eat balanced meals for as long as possible. This weekend I made fish pie, cullen skink, and hotpot.** Warming, hearty, but each one with a decent amount of veg to keep me feeling virtuous.

A dark night's sky. There's multicoloured fairy lights strung between both sides of the high street. There's shops either side, and a church with a clock tower in the distance.
North Berwick, forever in my heart.
Out and About
Ah, guys. I was in Scotland! Obvs you know that if you follow me on Insta - my timeline was riddled with it! But the mid-December week in North Berwick has become an essential part of my year. It keeps me sane when everything around me is not. This year, there was an added bonus. I tend to have a pint in the local pub - shoutout to The Ship - each night I'm there. When you're that close to a cosy boozer, why would you not? Last Monday, there was live music. Not only that, it was the North Berwick Songwriter's group, showcasing their Christmas songs. What started as a quick pint after tea, turned into a gorgeously festive, community-filled evening, jam-packed with musical loveliness. I bought the CD and ev. The night has become one of my top holiday memories and yet I just stumbled across it. Mad, innit?

I'll leave you now, to your days. I've got to venture into the photo chest, remember? I may be some time. There's always the chance, of course, that there'll be NO festive photos in there. And then what'll I do? I guess you'll find out this time next week. I'll be back, with, or without a photo. Until then!

Have a lovely week, folks.

*Caitlin Moran has more on the power of youthful diary writing, here (2.16 - 4.12)

**Cottoms hotpot is a regional delicacy - all over the place where I live, not so much elsewhere. No matter, my version pictured above tasted EXACTLY like the real thing and I couldn't have been happier.

Monday, 9 December 2024

Real Deal Nostalgia Over Forced Feelings Any day...

You can't manufacture nostalgia.* It pops up naturally or it's not there at all. Not in any real way. Attempts to force fond feelings of yesteryear can only ever ring hollow no matter how much we want them to emotionally nourish us. 

A black and white gif from a film. Greta Gerwig is looking to someone off screen and saying, with a serious face, You might be romanticizing the past.'
How do I know this? Because the other day I found myself buying Twiglets. The reason? Because IT'S CHRISTMAS. The problem? Twiglets were never a Bond family staple, in December or any time of year. I've tasted them about ten times in my life whilst visiting other people's houses. I like them. Hurrah! But I'm pretty sure I've never bought them before. So why now? Don't be silly. You know why. Because IT'S CHRISTMAS! For some reason we spend ages attempting to create nostalgia about a time we may never have experienced for real. It's why I like snowy winter scenes despite experiencing a white Christmas maybe once or twice in forty-six years. It's why I'll watch the entire series of Fanny Craddock Cooks For Christmas even though it was broadcast three whole years before I was born. It's all about the image, the manufactured vibes, the LOOK of the thing. Whether it's filled with the joys of nostalgic warmth is highly debatable.

Charlie Brown's Christmas. The Peanuts characters are grouped around a christmas tree, outside, on snowy ground, with a star-studded night's sky overhead. They're all open-mouthed, looking up to the heavens, and singing carols.
Except... except.. except sometimes it's real. A few years ago, at this time of year, I was walking through Borough Market. It was late-aftenoon, getting dark, and the crowds were dwindling. To one side of the market was a kids' choir. A local school were fundraising; carolling away for the benefit of us all. As I walked past, they began a new carol. Not one of the cosy classics you'd get on a compilation CD or hear on TV. None of your Ding Dong Merrily on Highs, or Away in a Mangers. This one was proper old school; I'd never before heard it in the wild. The Angel Gabriel From Heaven Came. You know it? It's churchy, riddled with organs and incense, and sent me straight back to primary school. The thing is, pre-national curriculum, a lot of my school day seemed to be spent practising carols. The rest of the year that was repackaged as hymn practice.** Either way, that afternoon in Borough Market, I was right back in 3rd year juniors, circa 1987. The smell of the hall polish, the sounds of the dinner ladies behind the shutters, and the sight of the music teacher - often inexplicably in a neck brace - exhorting us to shape our mouths to her specific instruction. That's your nostalgia, right there. It stopped me in my tracks. Literally. I stood and listened and felt huge swathes of empathy for the school kids. I had been them. I was them. It was 1987 all over again. So yeah, Twiglets? A perfectly acceptable shopping item. But let's not pretend they're anything other than a tasty, salty, snack.

A red festive background with pics of candy canes and pine cones dotted about. There are two photos of books - the Leeza McAuliffe Stories are both pictured, with a link to click. (It's not clickable on here as it's a screenshot.) There's a green text box that says, 'The Leeza McAuliffe Stories - a handy stocking filler for your old children, young teens, of the adults that miss Judy Blume novels in their lives.
My Insta story
from the week. All
the links you need are
in the paragraph.
Writing News
Struggling for stocking fillers, presents, or excellent reads for cosy winter nights? Excellent! Look no further. Leeza McAuliffe Has Something To Say and Leeza McAuliffe Has Loads More To Say are available now. For the old child, young teen, or adult who enjoys reliving their youth. Or, if you know a grown-up who enjoys a contemporary look at adults attempting to adult, here's Carry the Beautiful and Assembling the Wingpeople. You could do far worse, let me assure you.

Ralph Feinnes is Cardinal Lawrence. He's wearing a red-wine coloured skull cap, red robes with gild trim, and walking through the Cistine Chapel. Around him are other cardinals looking on. Ralph looks worried.
Ralph Feinnes
is excellent in Conclave.
Culture
There's been a burst of spy shows recently. Are we calling it the Slow Horses effect? No? OK then. The Day of the Jackal's last episode will drop on Thursday. It's been a blast. Then there's a new show on Netflix, whose trailer has similar vibes. Black Doves is top of my watch list, not least because it stars Sarah Lancashire. That's a quality assurance stamp, right there. Amidst all the spy stuff, I've also found myself diving into another genre. The genre of papal intrigue at the vatican! The Robert Harris book, Conclave has been adapted into a film called - well it's obvious really - Conclave. It seems to have got a limited release round my way. No matter, it was proper gripping and I've seen it twice. Clearly not pope-satiated, I remembered the excellent Netflix film, The Two Popes, starring Jonathan Pryce and Anthony Hopkins. It depicts the imagined relationship between Popes Benedict and Francis over the years between their elections. Well worth your time.

A place of food. On the right hand side are salad leaves and cubed cucumber. On the left is a portion of tart. Flaky pastry casing, with cheese-covered leeks and sauce on top. It's a yellow beige colour.
Not the prettiest
 but it tasted beautiful.
Food and Drink
You mean apart from Twiglets? There have been other festive-inspired purchases as well. Asda do chocolate orange dusted almonds which, to my mind, is the only way to eat a nut. I've also got myself into Chai. Usually I've made my own with a pan of milky tea and a bunch of spices. This year I thought, naaah and bought the instant version. Happily, it's good! Finally, in Food and Drink news, I made a leek tart (I had a bunch of leeks to use up) and it was fit.

Out and About
There was a family meal for my mum's birthday. Fourteen of us in my local pub, then back to mine for drinks and cake. Then there was a friend's dinner party, (I can't say dinner party without feeling incredibly grown up and of a higher class than my gut-identity) and finally, I got into my car yesterday, drove for a few hours, and began a pre-Christmas jaunt. More of that next week. Until then...

...have a lovely week, folks.


** I had a colleague whose kids were at a Catholic primary school. She once said in the staffroom, 'They can't read or write but they know how to sing.' It tracked.

Monday, 2 December 2024

A Very Selfish Christmas Tree...

It was while I was putting up my Christmas decs that I had the thought. Or, to be specific, it was while I was lovingly adorning my Christmas tree that it hit.

A silver, sparkly letter N hanging on a christmas tree branch.
Everyone must have their own system. Their own system for collecting Christmas baubles and trinkets. That's not the thought I had, by the way. We'll get to that in a bit. But it's useful to provide context. So, Christmas bauble collection methods? My sister, for example, has a tradition with her family. They have a yearly garden centre visit, where each person chooses a  new decoration. It's meaningful, eclectic, and at times when her kids were younger, totally batshit. But her tree is a true family project, collated over time. In similar-but- not-really vibes, my brother and his partner buy a tree decoration every time they go on holiday. As frequent travellers, that means they've also ended up with a meaningful, eclectic tree. Good, right?
 
My own system is equally eclectic but less to do with a planned vision. My bauble box was retrieved from the loft last weekend, the contents of which are now scattered on my tree's branches. Apart from what remains of the initial twelve red and silver spherical baubles I bought in 1997 for my first adult home, every other decoration has been bought for me. 

OK, that's not true. They've been bought, or they've been given to me as gift tags, blingy bows on presents, or in one instance, as the tartan-bowed instructions of a porridge recipe that was wrapped around a spurtle I once purchased in Scotland. The point is, I've not given tree decs a second's thought since 1997. They've just turned up over the years. I love that. It makes revisiting them each winter particularly lovely. Every year I'm reminded of old friends, ex-colleagues, and a child or two that I taught once. The result is, I have my own eclectic and meaningful tree. Cool, right?

A small purple spherical bauble, with a purple string and gold glittery letters spelling out NICKY, hanging on a christmas tree branch.
But back to that thought that I had last weekend. It's to do with a theme that's emerged from my gifted baubles. Let's look at the evidence. There's the sparkly oversized N that I hung near the top. And the small purple bauble with NICKY written across it in gold. Or there's the chalkboard disc with N.B slap bang in the centre. And then there's the silver cutout of an italicised NICKY in the middle of a bauble-shape. Finally, my fave is the illustration on perspex of NICKY - wearing her jeans, jumper, and glasses, sitting amidst a pile of books. That was a gift last year and I love it. But when it's added to the rest on my tree - a tree I share with another person who's not called Nicky - it does seem a tad self-centred. So back to that thought that keeps popping into my mind. Taking in all the evidence that my tree presents, does this make me...  a narcissist? Or at the very least, am I perceived to be a narcissist by anyone that's met me?

Narcissist. It's a word that gets bandied about all over the place these days. That's not helped by the fact we have some horrific public figures in the world that seem to fit our collective understanding of the term. But as someone that has an actual qualification in Psychology and baulks at diagnosing people from afar, it's probably best to be accurate. So let's head to Wikipedia!  - a resource sadly not available during my own psychological studies.
'Narcissism is a self-centred personality style characterised as having an excessive preoccupation with ones self and ones needs, often at the expense of others.'
A circular disc. It's small, painted in chalkboard black, and with red and white twine, hanging on a christmas tree branch. The letters N.B are written in white chalk in the centre.
Well then. That's settled, isn't it. Or is it? Can we really take the opening sentence of Wikipedia, along with a potentially one-note set of decorations as the basis for self-diagnosis of a personality disorder? I'm thinking... no. But as I said, the word is attributed to all sort of public figures (well, one main one) which may or may not be accurate. As such it's become a term used much more in every day discourse.
 
The journalists, Dorian Lynskey and Ian Dunt have a podcast called Origin Story. In it, they take a word or phrase that's become widely misused, dig deep into the research and reading, and find evidence to explain the real meaning. It's a brilliant listen. They've deep-dived into terms such as, Gaslighting, Fascism, and Woke, breaking down the misconceptions built up over time and revealing the truth. I'd LOVE them to do an episode on narcissism. When did it make the leap from psychiatrists' diagnostic manuals into public discourse? What specifically has drawn it into popular culture in recent years? And am I really a narcissist? You know, the sort of questions we all have.

A silvery grey wooden outline of a circle. Inside the circle, the name NICKY is cut out with gaps around. It's hanging on a christmas tree branch.
This piece from earlier this year, attempts to answer some of those questions. There doesn't seem to be any mention of me, though. Strange.

But look, let's get back to Wikipedia before we get too bogged down in self-involvement. This is a quote from the second paragraph of the intro (of the really long, multi-section entry on Narcissism, that I didn't bother to read all the way to the bottom.) 
'Narcissism exists on a continuum that ranges from normal to abnormal personality expression. While many psychologists believe that a moderate degree of narcissism is normal and healthy in humans, there are also more extreme forms...'
A small square cream piece of card. In blue lettering, it details a basic porridge recipe. There's a red and blue tartan piece of ribbon attached, hanging on a christmas tree branch.
I stopped quoting when it began to get less pithy and reassuring. Classic narcissist behaviour right there, yeah? Erm, not sure tbh. Either way, I'm going to make a self-diagnosis, right here and now. Ready? Here we go. I probably DO have narcissistic tendencies but I'm calling them a healthy amount. I definitely put myself first when I have the option to do so. And I play the long game. I knew I was far too selfish/selfing* to procreate, so I didn't. I don't like being told what to do, I work much better when I'm left alone to get on with it, and working in a team with its expectations of collaboration and ideas-sharing drives me mad. The final evidence? For years now, I've been spewing out a weekly blog, filled with nothing but my own thoughts.**  Self-centred much? Very possibly. 

But... but... BUT... there are some counter-arguments. I didn't buy any of the baubles with my name on, I give people lifts when they ask me, I baby-sit my nieces and nephews if I'm free, and I throw spare money towards charity when I can. Perhaps it's not as cut and dried as I thought. Maybe hearing a buzzword getting thrown about the media isn't the best way to diagnose a personality disorder. Maybe my friends and family enjoy celebrating my name in bauble form and it's no reflection on me. Or maybe I've overthought this whole thing and sharing it with you now will help you realise you're not alone when you have your own random, spiralling thoughts. 

An illustration of a cosy library is printed onto a circular piece of Perspex. There's a woman, with brown bobbed hair, black rimmed glasses, and wearing a red jumper and blue jeans. she's sitting on a pile of books, reading a book, and the name NICKY is written above. The perspex is hanging on a christmas tree branch.
Whatever judgement call you've made on this; whatever diagnosis you've mentally given me, let's not dwell. We can only do our best with the personality traits we were given and that society has further developed since birth. It's time to move on. I'll be back on Monday with the next Weekly Update, and we'll talk no more of this. Unless you want to. I'm trying not to make it all about me, you see.

Have a lovely week, folks.



*A friend introduced me to this term years ago. Means the same as selfish but without the negative connotations. I like it.

** YOU'RE WELCOME

Monday, 25 November 2024

Metaphoric Gymnastics...

Ready for an opinion that'll split readers down the middle? Snow is brilliant! Yeah, I said it! There's nothing better than going for a walk when the air's biting cold, you're bundled up in layers, and there's a crisp white layer on the ground. Amiright? OK, OK, let's two-side this thing. I can also see that there's nothing worse than going for a walk when underfoot is sludgy, slippery, and treacherous. It's a fine line to balance.
 
The view from my front door when the snow started. It's constant, and coming down regularly, and illuminated in the light outside my front door. In the background, there's another house, and the side of a car on the driveway is visible.
The first flakes 
of the season.
Round my way
anyway.
Happily, last week, the first set of circs came about. I had two days of the loveliest winter walks. There's something inherently marvellous about returning, rosy cheeked and breathy, ready for my first cup of tea of the day, and warming up in a hot shower. Yeah, yeah, privilege much? I know. I do honestly know that. To keep me in check, there were more days last week where my second wintery weather description led the way. Slippy, sludgy, icy ground seemed the norm. It wasn't much fun and I ended up ditching a couple of my scheduled walks for safety. There's no real problem with that - I can do what I want, right! Except it meant there were instances last week where I was pacing the kitchen come evening in order to get my steps in. (Or, lets be honest, shaking my phone vigorously in front of the telly, trying to mimic an energetic stroll.) Skipping walks has consequences, kids. Regardless of my own personal issues, if you had snow last week, I hope it was top safe fun and you had somewhere to warm up

My messy desk is in the background, with a large notebook sitting on it. The book is open, and a long pullout piece of paper (several A4 pieces stuck together end to end) is being held out by my hand in the foreground. It's full of typing - black ink on the white paper, but the words have been obscured by a white scribble that's been digitally added. You can only see the edges of the paper and the black type on them. It would be impossible to read, even if someone zoomed in.
Chapter 7's plan
redacted for 
national security.
(Lolz)
Writing News
Do you remember my problem? I'd got sidetracked by a cold and felt generally rubbish, so had avoided starting my next chapter. And then there was the fact it was the biggest chapter in my planning file. A massive concertinaed piece of paper, making me feel overwhelmed and inferior before I even began. But like all scary, overwhelming things, I looked it in the eye and said NO. I RESFUSE TO BE COWED. (I didn't actually say that. But I defo thought it.) 

I forced myself to sit down and start at the beginning. And you know what? I was pleasantly surprised. Turns out, the reason the plan was so long was because after the first few bullet points, I'd pretty much typed up the chapter in full. Honest to God! Much of it could be copied and pasted straight into the manuscript. It seems Past Nicky had done Present Nicky an absolute solid.

A scene from the court when Anne Boleyn is being presented to Henry. She is kneeling, with her arms outstretched to the side. She's wearing a white and silver jewelled dress. Behind her are courtiers in red outfits, attending .
Wolf Hall. Every scene
is like a painting. As is every
paragraph in the book.
Culture
Isn't Wolf Hall brilliant? Yep, I'm up to date and on the ball. I've finally caught up with the 2015 BBC series about Thomas Cromwell and his shenanigans in Henry VIII's court. Just the nine years late. No biggie. The thing is, I'd read the first of Hilary Mantel's books but forgotten everything, so the TV series has been a reminder of the intricate beauty of her writing. The new series that's just out, is dropping each week. I'll be diving in asap. 

Andie McDowell and Hugh Grant are in black tie gear presenting an award. It is recent times, they both have grey hair - Andie is wearing a black evening dress and Hugh is in a tux. He gestures towards her and says, 'Still stunning,' then gestures towards himself and says, 'Basically a scrotum.'
Love me some self-deprecation.
In very different Culture News, I fell down a Hugh Grant rabbit hole last week. Fun! I was bored on YouTube and found loads of vids - and trust me, I watched them all - where he talks through his previous roles. He's reassuringly awkward and self-deprecating about lots of them and I had fun remembering his films. But better still, when I left YouTube and looked at the TV listings, Four Weddings and a Funeral was on BBC1. Spooky! Despite it being ostensibly about posh white people being posh and white, it holds up fairly well.

A wooden tray with two plates. One plate - a large blue one - has mini spring rolls, little beige fritters, mini quiches, and two dips. An orange one and a brown one. The other plate is long and thin. Like a serving dish for garlic bread. There is no garlic bread, but instead little potato roosts stacked with chorizo and a white sauce.
About 25% of my
picky tea. Reader, there
were leftovers.
Food and Drink
It's another fine line to balance. Is the last week of November, too soon for Christmas party food? I've decided, no. As I *may* have mentioned in previous years, my Christmas gets crazy stressy and busy from the middle of December. November is my chance to feel the full glow of the festive season without the headaches. On Saturday I had a festive picky tea after putting up my tree and I loved it. I was soundtracked by Christmas songs, jollied along with fizzy wine, and entertained by the next Christmas film on my list. (Netflix's Single All the Way. It was the best.

Out and About
Apart from the snow, I've been dodging rain showers, and Storm Bert all week. Regardless, I made it to Wednesday brunch, and Thursday Costa so not all bad. I'm also at the stage of Christmas shopping where most days see me having to retrieve parcels from a local lockbox. Is that a social life? Hmmm. It's another fine line isn't it.

Simone Biles, the US gymnast, is standing on a beam, she does a handsfree cartwheel and lands perfectly on the beam behind her. She stretches up and presents her arms to show she's finished the move. There's a US flag in the background.
Simone Biles with her 
excellently balanced,
dramatic interpretation
of my week. 

Lots of balancing this week - gloomy expectations prior to writing and then happy surprises after; the beauty of new snow versus the dreary grey of old; and when is the correct time to start Christmas festivities? Like the most agile of gymnasts, we have to walk a fine line through every decision. I hope your own balancing acts are going as well as can be expected. Heads up, don't look down, and confidently arm stretch at the end. Sorted.

Have a lovely week, folks.

Monday, 18 November 2024

Root Out the Nuggets...

The fairy lights along the bannister are on! Sadly, the 2024 switch-on wasn't soundtracked by excited crowds counting down in unison. Nope, it was a much more sedate affair. I simply decided that if the political landscape of the West was now this precarious and scary, I needed nice things in my life. The switch got flicked and the warm white glow of a hundred little lights lit up my home. 

A smiling white woman, with brunette hair and closed eyes, has approximately ten McDonalds chicken nuggets thrown at her face.
Nuggets of joy?
So what else have I been doing to stop my brain working out the logical end game of, for example, putting up a known anti-vaxxer to be in charge of US health? Well, there's been lots of mashed potato. That, along with thick gravy, is cheering me up. I've begun working through the official Christmas Watch List - a list of every Christmas film or TV episode that I rate, starting with the basics and peaking on Christmas Eve. (The list starts with the Midsomer Murders episode, Ghosts of Christmas Past, and ends with It's A Wonderful Life.) Besides that? What else have I been doing to keep spirits up? Ngl, it's been a tricky one. What with everything else, I've got a stinking cold, and two lovely people I know have just died. It's not been a terribly upbeat time. All the more reason, then, to keep searching out the nuggets of joy. Mashed potato, fairy lights, or Christmas films will do for now. There'll be more to come. Part resistance, part celebrating each new day - finding the joy is the least we can, and must, do.

Jennifer Aniston, as Rachel from Friends, is sitting in her kitchen, with a white tissue stuck up each nostril.
Me, played by Jennifer Aniston, 
dealing with my sniffles.
Writing News
Argghh. The dog ate my homework! I left it on the bus! Or, to be less metaphoric and/or cliched, my snotty, sniffly cold meant I couldn't be arsed getting into the next chapter. This is bad! I know! I even missed my writing group, which doesn't often happen. This week I have to knuckle down and push through. Chapter Seven, with it's massive pull out section in my planning notebook, will be started this week. Defo.

A young Daniel Brühl, wearing a blue denim jacket, is standing in front of a huge red and white Coca Cola sign, holding a home movie camera on his shoulder. He is trying to direct someone off screen.
Good Bye Lenin!
Culture News
Besides the aforementioned Christmas films, I've been hammering the German cinema stuff. All since my Berlin holiday. So, it was a rewatch of The Lives of Others - I talked about this last week when I visited places where it was filmed. I also found Good Bye Lenin! It used to be on Prime but now seems only available on YouTube. No matter, it was great, and provided plenty of times where I could say, 'Oh, look, it's... (insert Berlin street name/square here).' Finally, in non-Christmas and non-German film news, the revamped and modernised series of The Day of the Jackal is on Sky and it's BOSS. Grippy and slick, but with no hugely stressful real-life peril to deal with. It's a hard recommend from me.

A white bowl, with carrots, sausages, and mashed potato. In the centre, there's a jug with thick, brown gravy.
Food and Drink
Along with the mash, I made dark beer onion gravy from a recipe online. I'm not sure it worked - a bit too bitter in the end - but it SMELT amazing. As well as that, I made pretzels. Get me! It was another online recipe but this one worked. 
A white plate with a pretzel on it. It's large, covered in salt crystals, and has a blob of yellow mustard next to it.
For the rest of the week, I had soup for tea so I could have a legitimate daily pretzel accompaniment. But now? Now I've got to get back to a semblance of balance and health. At least before silly season kicks in. More veg, less mad carbs, and back to mixing in my non-alcoholic with my alcoholic drinks. It's a plan!

Out and About
In spite of my sniffles, on Saturday I had a day in London. My aunt's just relocated so this was the first visit we did as a family. It's a bit of a trek, I'll give you that, but near enough to a tube station to navigate to easily enough. It's always exciting when someone you know moves to a new area -  hello Ladbroke Grove! It certainly keeps things lively.

So, how are we going to tackle the week ahead? What nuggets of joy are we going to seek out? It's good to wallow and mend for a short time - whether it's from having a cold or feeling utterly fed up at the state of things. But the thing about a short time is that it's over pretty quickly. And then? Then we defiantly and definitely crack on. 

Have a lovely week, folks.