Buy the Boots...

Older woman life goals, 
right there.

Isn't it marvellous getting older? Not only am I lucky to be granted the privilege, but I love how I know myself better. That makes sense, right? The more time you spend with someone, the more you get to know them. I've spent nearly forty-six years with myself. Aren't I lucky! I'm not even being sarky. I actually mean it, even when I'm being a tit. Aren't I lucky to be able to keep on keeping on. And don't I know myself better than I did when I was twenty? D:Ream really knew what they were talking about. 

These random thoughts on ageing popped into my head recently. Triggered by, even more randomly, a mindless scroll on Vinted. Picture the scene: I was in bed, using up my last moments of consciousness, casually looking for boots. You know the drill. You don't need boots, you don't really want boots tbh, but you're scrolling through the listings with all your filters ticked. You're waiting to either a) fall asleep, or b) find the most perfect boots you ever did see. And suddenly, there they were. Not the most perfect boots I ever did see. Nope. Instead, on my feed, was a pair of roller boots.

From the original
Vinted listing.

Not much happened at the time. I remember thinking how cool it was that adult sized roller boots existed in the world. Then I fell asleep. The next day, I remembered again. I thought about Lou Sanders in lockdown, filming her roller boot activities in empty car parks, and I remembered how I'd enjoyed roller booting down the road I lived on (an actual hill!) when I was a kid. And then I cracked on with my day. 

The days that followed saw the thought fester. I searched Vinted for their roller boot options in my size - there were so many out there! It'd be easy to buy a pair - much cheaper than brand new ones - and feel the wind in my hair and the thrill of speeding down a hill. Again, I pushed the idea away but it wouldn't go. So I pushed it away again. I didn't need the constant niggles. It was getting annoying. When I finally stopped to think about why I was being so dismissive of this recurring thought, all my brain could come up with was, You're too old for roller boots'. 

It turns out that even though I love getting older, my subconscious thought is that I'm too old to do an activity I'd started to feel like I wanted to try again. And even though I know myself well, and even though I tend to use the 'trust your gut' instinct to make lots of tricky decisions, my conscious self wasn't having it. I decided to make a stand and go against the ageist nonsense that my head was spewing out. Reader, I bought the roller boots. 

Watch me go!

Fast forward to now. They've arrived. I've had a go and not done myself any permanent damage. Yet. I resembled Bambi on ice when I first tried them out, but OMG I LOVE THEM. It turns out that reattempting a physical skill you haven't done in 33 years, is quite tricky. I started small. The hallway. The lounge. Anywhere in the house that's not carpeted. The kitchen tiles work better than the lino, the hallway tiles feel treacherous - it's all a learning curve. 

An upside which my childhood self never realised is how many muscles it takes just to stay upright. I'm using my core for the first time in years. My leg muscles are doing so much work for something being transported on wheels. It's the best workout I've had in ages. Honestly, not even joking. 

RIP vase #GBNF

There has, of course, been a couple of comedy falls. At one point, my legs went from under me, I landed on my right arse cheek, and skidded with legs outstretched into an ornamental vase, smashing it against the wall. Happily, my immediate thought was, 'Shit, the vase!' rather than, 'Shit, my leg!' I imagine there'll be more of that kind of thing over time.

 
The main takeaway from all this, isn't Bambi legs, falls, and skating round my kitchen. It's simply that when I feel I'm too old for something I'd like to do, I need to call bullshit. I'm not too old for anything I want to try. That's the kind of thing judgey people say when they see someone they're jealous of. It's what unhappy people say to attempt to limit the joy of those around them. It's nonsense. I'm not doing that to myself and neither should you. Wear the outfit, join the dating app, buy the roller boots! Ageing is a privilege. Don't waste a second of your precious time. 

Have a lovely week, folks.