Getting to Grips with Eurovision...

I can only assume I am too.

Nothing lasts forever, amaright? Morning! Sorry to start on a bleak note but we are where we are. Twitter, which was once responsible for signposting me to every piece of news, opinion, and shared cultural event, has been out of my life for over a year. Mostly. I've continued to post my blog and book promotion stuff - hustlers gotta hustle - but I've stopped scrolling. And Lordy, how I miss it! Many people would view a reduction in screen time as positive event, but not me. It means I've lost voices I'd come to love. Political journalists whose reporting would inform, comedians and writers that made me laugh out loud, and like-minded Eurovision fans. I miss them the most. Threads, Mastodon, and Insta are great for loads of things, but as a place to revel in the batshit joy of the Eurovision experience, they're decidedly chilly. Without a central place for everyone to connect, I've dropped the Eurovision ball.

It really is.

By now, I should have listened to this year's Eurovision entries at least once. I should have re-listened to the ones I love repeatedly, and I should have firm views about who will win. So far, I've listened to one. Ours. Dizzy by Olly Alexander. People keep asking me if we've got a chance this year. I've no idea. I've no context in which to place our entry. Is it a ballad year? A rock year? Are there loads of solo females or do male duos or mixed groups dominate? I have absolutely no clue. 

That. Stops. Now. Twitter or not, I've got to get a grip... with myself and the entries for this year contest. It's happening this week! I know! It's snuck up on us all. Tuesday is the first semi final, Thursday is the second, and the final is on Saturday. I owe it to myself (and the listeners of Riverside Radio, where I'll be interviewed as their Eurovision expert on Saturday) to fully immerse myself. So, I'm going to make a cup of tea, find the playlist online, and listen. I'll be back with you, in the next paragraph, a whole lot more informed.

I'm baaaaaaak! Well now, so much musical mayhem has taken place since.... ooh, the last sentence I typed. I'm now au fait with every single song. That includes the ones that won't make it through the semis. If you're only planning to rock up on Saturday night, you'll have missed out on a good few. For the casual viewer that enjoys the spectacle but can resist becoming obsessed, I'm here for you. I've cherry picked the songs that stood out to me. Disclaimer: I'm a forty-six year old woman who still loves a 'tune' and who misses the days of dramatic key changes and anthemic singalongs. Sigh. Wasn't the past great? Anyway, there's not much of that, but there's still some stuff to look forward to. Follow me as I give you my sneak peeks.

Austria - It's a bop! We Will Rave will become a happy ear worm and I defy you not to tap your feet once it gets going. Enjoy!

Croatia - Last year, Finland gave us 'Cha cha cha' and this year Croatia gives us "Rim Tim Tagi Dim'  SO catchy. Another ear worm, and one where the energy of the performer is infectious. This will do well.

Czechia - This is my favourite of all the entries so that immediately gives it the kiss of death. Soz for that. Giving me full on Debbie Harry/punk band vibes, it makes me feels happy and nostalgic and energised. What more do you want?

Denmark - This looks and sounds more like a standard winning song. Strong vocals, a melody that builds, and a powerful chorus. It's not reinventing the wheel but it's cycling with proficiency.

Finland - Are you looked for someone with a flesh-coloured dance belt and a T-shirt with pixelated corporate logos? Oh good. Here's Finland's song.  It's fun, it stands out, and it'll perk everyone up. What else do you need?

France - On its own, without the Eurovision context surrounding it, I like this a lot. But come Saturday night, when the wine's fizzing and the sequins are sparkling, its gentle earnestness will probably get lost in the hubbub. 

Ireland - Last year's entry didn't make it through the semis, even though I (and possibly only I) thought it was a banger. A sweeping anthem with singalong chorus. This year, they've gone in a different direction. It won't be everyone's cup of tea but it's as far removed from the safe-yet-unsuccessful entries they've had in recent years. This might be exactly what's needed to get to Saturday's contest.

Norway - If dry ice and lasers can give Loreen a double win, why not chuck 'em into your act too? This is a strong entry that makes a big impact. There's no catchy ear worm or comedic hook to drag you in. Just smoke, lasers, a strong song, and a great performance. 

Poland - Another bop. If the crowd get behind it, this could be pushed into being a great three minutes on stage. If they don't, it might be just a nice song. Let's see what happens!

Sweden - Two brothers singing about an unforgettable woman. This will be a big hit in the arena, what with Sweden on hosting duties. With the catchy chorus and a happy crowd, this will go down well. But win? Probably not.

Switzerland - This is another of my personal faves. It's got a bit of everything, including a rap break, and sits comfortably at the theatrical end of the spectrum. I don't think it will win but let's not forget it's the taking part that matters.

UK - I'd include our entry on my list, regardless of quality. Eurovision and international women's football tournaments are the only times I feel patriotic these days. But look, this one's pretty good. Besides, we're in safe hands with Olly Alexander. He's no stranger to performance and can captivate a crowd when he wants. Plus, he's properly famous. He'll get a good cheer the second he gets on stage. As for the song? It'll be interesting to see which way it goes. It ticks all my boxes. It's got the classic Eurovision/Steps-esque sound that I love - a sound that's rooted in disco and is full-throttle camp. It'll go down well with a live audience and will hopefully reach the voting viewers too. Who knows? Time will tell? However it goes down, I'll be cheering it along with gusto.

So... are you still here or did I lose you somewhere around Rim Tim Tagi Dim? Saturday night is coming whether you like it or not. You might as well kick back with the rest of Europe (and Australia) and bask in the fabulousness of it all. What else are you going to do? Read a book? Watch a film? Be an empty husk of a person? Noooo, you're much better than that. 

Have a lovely week, folks.