Clambering Up the Learning Curve...

Circa 1986

A memory from 1986 popped into my head recently. I was eight, and during a moment of frustration with school life, I calculated there were only eight more years of statutory attendance before I could leave Education behind. I only had to relive my entire lifespan in order to be done with it all - getting up in the morning, school uniforms, Maths... it must have been a bad week in Junior One.

I'm sharing this now so we can communally laugh at my naivety. Not only were there eight more years of school life, not only did I sign up for Sixth Form, University and a PGCE, but even now - at a time in my life when no one officially makes me do anything - I keep having to learn new things. TRICKY new things.

So in a bid to ease the annoyance at the situation whilst patting myself on the back over my achievements, I share with you now... THINGS I HAVE LEARNT THIS WEEK.

A screen shot of part of the page.
It's aligned, and clear, and 
linked to other pages, and ev.

How To Create a Webpage

Because I was done with general education by the mid-90s, no one ever taught me about webpages. I learnt everything I know about the Internet from adult trial and error. So when it came to attempting a website - as discussed last week - I knew it would be challenging. The good news is I was right. Hurrah! The even gooder news is that, despite this, I've made some progress. I've got four pages so far. Three of them are a bit dodge. I'll definitely be changing them before I go live. But one of them - the one that contains my book information - does the job perfectly. I've learnt how to add a BUY NOW button to link to a bookseller. I've learnt how to scroll across the book covers. I've also learnt how to add new books as and when I write them. When I step back and look at it, it appears real and legit. I'm so chuffed with myself. 

How To Get More Book Reviews

In the past I've relied on people I know to spread the word about my latest release. This is a risky strategy and means I beg far more than I'd like. I know how few reviews I've written in the past - before I knew it was important - and I get why people tend not to bother. But still, I need reviews. I need the algorithms to smile on me. The good news this week is I've found a company that can help. Love Books Tours puts you in touch with lots of reviewers who, if they like your book, will post their review online on an agreed date. It's a gamble - as is every new strategy I've tried over time - but it's one that means my book will get read by a lot more people in the early release stages. Woohoo! Bring on October!

I'll be stamping
this all over
the place

How To Accidentally Branch into Merch

It was while I was buying the books for the reviewers that it occurred to me I needed something a little more personal. I chewed it over, and in the end ordered postcards of the front cover. That way I could write a personal note to each person receiving a book, thanking them for their time. Then I felt I needed something official for the envelope so I ordered a Take-Away-Tea Books stamp. I'll have fun role playing Post Offices, stamping the envelopes - and everthing else - when it arrives. I did consider branded pens. Then I thought about bookmarks. Then keyrings. In the end I managed to calm down - the expenditure column was looking a little full - but one day a line of merch would be a right thrill. I think on reflection, I'd prefer it to be along the lines of Bondie's Craft Beer or Fifty Shades of Black Nail Varnish. Good to have plans, though. 

All the sevens? Quack quack! (Or is that 22?
Can't remember. I know there's a non-PC fat
 ladies one in there somewhere.) Anyway.
 Sevens!

How To Be Weirdly Coincidental

This is random, but let me share. After looking up my books for some reason or other, I happened to see their individual publication dates laid out together. Every time I release a book, I get to choose the date. It's different every time, but I give myself about six months after it's ready to go, so I can spread the word and use the time for promotional stuff. I knew I'd released the first two in Spring and my new one will be October. But - and this is where it's random - it's been on 7th of the month every time. Why? No idea! Just a weird coincidence. But now I've noticed it, I'm going to have to stick with 7th for the rest of my life. That's just the way it is now.

How To Be Crap on TikTok

I'm bossing this. No, really I am. I'm utterly crap on TikTok. I just don't understand it. The only people I know on there are the children of my friends, and the last thing they need is to be followed by an ageing mate of their parents, cramping their style, and trying to sell books on a medium that seems focused on pranks and dancing. But this is where we are. I've posted two videos so far. One - as a practice a few months ago - of the drawings I have blu-tacked up on my kitchen cupboards. It was wholly experimental and not at all on brand. This week I posted a box-opening book reveal. I think I have two followers, one of whom is a stranger to me. None of it makes sense but perhaps the fog will clear one day.

I understand now that there's no end date to Education. Every single week, every single day, there's something new to get to grips with. And as much as I get frustrated with the trickiness of it all, learning a new skill is satisfying. Creating a website has forced me to branch out into all sorts of new knowledge. Learning new ways of reaching readers can only ever be a good thing. Even spotting the weird pattern to my book release dates has made me think about how I'll set them in future. Developing skills is fun and healthy. It keeps the cogs ticking/turning - whatever it is that cogs do. And perhaps, with that upbeat positivity in mind, I'll have TikTok sorted in no time as well. The Learning Curve can't be so steep it's unclamberable. Probably. 

Have a lovely week, folks.

Change is Coming... Probably...

Achtung, bitte! I have a small announcement. Well, it's not really an announcement, more an interesting thing that's occurred to me that I thought I'd pass on. In hindsight, my opening German command might imply it's a much bigger deal it is. Apologies. Blame my daily Duolingo. Es tut mir leid! But let's crack on. 

Here's what I wanted to share. In a few weeks' time, this blog will hit a milestone. I'm sure I'll alert you nearer the day, but can you believe it? We're coming up to five years of Ramblings. FIVE YEARS OF BLOG. I know! Is it even possible? Can it be? Hurrah and huzzah for us all.

Oh look, it's me.
With a loo roll in my fringe.

It's been an interesting journey. Yes. I said journey. Apologies once again. But when I started Nicky Bond and Writer's Ramblings, I was in a very different place. First of all, I only did it because everyone said I should. Not you personally. I'm sure you never grabbed my arm or sent an impassioned text saying, 'Nicky, I implore you. You simply MUST start blogging.' No, it wasn't like I was filling a gap in the world. I'd say the trend for blogging was over once we hit the twenty-first century. I was definitely a Jenny-Come-Lately to the whole shebang.

Quite. But five years ago, with
regards to blogging, I wasn't
much more.

But back then you see, I was attempting to establish myself as a Proper Writer. That was hard to do without any books to my name. But all the websites and 'How To Be a Writer' posts, tended to agree. A blog was essential. It was something I had to get onboard with, even if the trend had passed. My first official post was fairly basic. Check it out. The innocence! The naivety! The extra space at the end of each sentence! The lack of GIFs! The solid text of it all! How the world and my hair colour has changed since then.

Over time, I learnt loads. I added widgets, copied and pasted code, and learnt that most GIF sites were American and included a distinct lack of Victoria Wood. Oh the GIFs I could have used if they knew who she was. Such a waste. Just imagine it. THREE BANGLES AND A POLO NECK, THANK YOU. Or, I'M NICOLA, AS I SAY. Or I'M LOOKING FOR MY FRIEND...KIMBERLEH.  But we're getting sidetracked. As the months passed, the ideas flowed. There was always something to say. About the hot weather, about Christmas, about the next book. All the 'How To Blog Effectively' sites emphasised that this had to be a regular thing. Weekly was advised. So that's what I did. And that's what I've done. Every Monday morning for the past five years (apart from missing three weeks over the first Christmas) I've banged something out. Sometimes it's even been something I'm proud of. Goodness.

Ah, you're very kind. 
But I know the score.

But let's be honest. As marvellous as all that is, this blog's in danger of getting a bit samey. (What do you mean, 'in danger?' LOLZ). Yeah, I know. I'm ready to have a rejig. Especially now the five year anniversary is looming. I want to mix things up and have a refresh. It's time.

At the moment the jury's still out on what that will look like. I'm playing around with a few ideas. I still want to post weekly but maybe something that takes less effort. Perhaps I'll write a longer blogpost once a month and keep the weekly blog as a quick update. If you're a subscriber (thank you, btw!) you'll know how the monthly newsletter is briefer than the weekly blog. I like the idea of switching that around.

And then there's the other thing. I've been toying with sorting out a website. It's about time I had a proper home online. Something more profesh. I've used up the free trial periods of several website builders so I think I'm going to have to get actual help on this one. Look, I'm a digital immigrant, I never wanted to be tech-savvy, I remember having to plug in the video remote, etc etc. The thing is, watch this space. I've got (vague) plans and ev.

For now, let me give you your weekly reminder to pre-order the Book of the Year*. Treat yourself, or anyone you know that would love to read something fabulous. It doesn't matter whether the blog gets briefer, the newsletter gets beefed up, or a website gets thrown into the mix. The shameless plugging will always be there. Some things never change.

Have a lovely week, folks.

*Book of the Year, i.e the book that I've written this year. 

Writing Group's Back, Baby...

My writing group's back. The Liverpool-based Poised Pen Writers' Group have reassembled post-pandemic*. Fortnightly meetings in the backroom of a Portuguese restaurant have returned. Hurrah!

The ideal reaction.
(Only if I've read something
intentionally funny.)

It was one of the things I missed, you see. At least, I think I did. In the before times, I'd turn up to each meeting, clutching copies of the latest chapter that I'd prepared to share. I knew it was a deeply useful thing to do. Of course it was. To have non-relatives and critical listeners respond objectively to the stuff I churned out was essential to the writing process. It was a fortnightly opportunity I couldn't afford to waste. And then there were the benefits I got in return. Listening to others share their own varied writing. That was as useful to me as it was to share my own. Having to consider how I would tackle that subject, how I would phrase that experience, whether I would express myself differently or in the same way the writer had... it all helped strengthen what I was creating myself. 

Relatable

But there was a problem. Week in, week out. You see, sharing your deepest, darkest thoughts and creative efforts for the judgement of others is not the relaxing, chilled out experience you might think. I know, right? Who knew? It was really stressful and always required a large white wine at the start. To bolster the nerves and to kid myself that this was useful AND social. There were times when I wondered why I put myself through it. Besides, it could feel like a right faff. Schlepping through town and pushing my forty-three year-old self through the buzz of youth spilling out from the student bars, only ever served to remind me how out of the loop I was in terms of socialising and knowing the places to go. Plus, there was a hill. Mount Pleasant is steep when you're pushed for time. My train was always late and I was always in a rush.

But that was then. The last meeting was March 2020 and then - what was it again? - something big happened. You remember? Anyway, the Poised Pen writers were housebound and kept apart for sixteen months. 

A dramatic reconstruction
of the first week back.

Fast forward to now and we've had two meetings back. And you know what? It feels different. First off, the book I was sharing is done so I've not read anything out loud yet. But secondly, neither has anyone else. Not at the first meeting, anyway. That quickly became a wine and chat and catching up and 'isn't it great to be out' meeting. It wasn't a meeting at all, to be honest. No one read a word, no minutes were taken, and it was bottles rather than glasses of wine that were ordered. On top of that, the backroom of the restaurant had changed too. In that, we weren't in it. We were in the refurbed, souped up, twinkly paradise of the outside seating area. It was so pretty. That first meeting, on a warm July evening, with everyone reconnecting after such a long time, was beautiful. Disclaimer. There was a lot of wine. 

Two weeks later, we tried harder. The catching-up-chat only lasted an hour and then three people shared their writing. I even took minutes and everything. 

Getting back to normality doesn't happen overnight. We know that, right? I still reckon that the next meeting will take a while to kick in. People want to socialise and speak to each other in the flesh. It's only natural. The nuts and bolts of writing support will return fully eventually. It's why we all came in the first place. But there's no reason to rush it. It'll come. And unlike back in the day when my glass of wine was to force me to see this as pleasurable, it really is now. To be fair, it always was then, once I'd finished reading. 

For now, it's both lovely and tiring. Fab to catch up with everyone, but exhausting too. Getting a train, walking up Mount Pleasant, attempting the structure and routine of a minuted meeting, gathering courage to read aloud, and then - can you even imagine? - getting the last train home. Like I'm a dirty stopout having all sorts of wild shenanigans. Shattering! Every other Wednesday's now an event. An expedition. A trek. A fabulous trek, nonetheless. But one I hope I won't take for granted again.  

Have a lovely week, folks.

*Yeah. I know we're not post anything in reality.

Was für eine Woche!...

Another week's over and I'm not entirely sure where it went. Because of a series of random events, I've fallen down a few online rabbit holes and immersed myself in all sorts of stuff. Before you panic that this blog will suddenly turn to anti-vaxxer, climate-change-denier, flat earth territory, let me reassure you. There are many rabbit holes on the Internet. I found some of the ones less catastrophic for humankind. Let's me lead you through the twists and turns of my week.

I do, Leo. I really do.

Last Monday's blog featured a couple of examples from The West Wing. I knew the quotes I wanted from my own head. Having watched the entire seven-season show, several times over, the memorable bits have stuck. Still, in the interest of getting it right, I searched around a bit and found a website of The West Wing Transcripts. So that was the first rabbit hole. I spent a happy few hours reacquainting myself with Aaron Sorkin's best lines. But that wasn't enough. As surely as night follows day, I knew my next rewatch of The West Wing would follow my last one. That was around five years ago. It was time. So far, I'm only three episodes in but I've done the Maths. I've calculated that if I manage three eps an evening, and watch it three nights a week, it will only take seventeen weeks to box off the lot. That takes me to mid-December. I reckon that's a manageable commitment to make. Happy Christmas Mr. President!

Charlize Theron in Atomic Blonde. That film
sent me waayyy into the Internet.

My next rabbit hole went way deeper. Last week I was babysitting the niece and neph. To my great surprise and bewilderment, they were fast asleep by 9.30pm and I had the rest of the evening to myself. What to do? I scrolled through my iTunes library and spotted a film I'd only seen once, a while back. Atomic Blonde. Now then. It's an OK film. Flashy fight scenes, eighties fashion to the max, and a few twists and turns to keep me watching. But that wasn't the rabbit hole. No, it was the setting. November 1989, East Germany, the week before the Wall fell. It made me realise how little history I knew from that period. Even though I was eleven and knew Something Important was happening, I didn't really understand what it was. So that was the next rabbit hole. To educate myself on East Germany. And it's been fascinating. Who knew! I found a documentary on Amazon Prime called Behind the Wall, which features a mix of people who grew up and lived there, sharing their memories about everyday life. Then I found a podcast called Radio GDR, which features all sorts non-political topics about East Germany. I rewatched the Walter Presents series The Same Sky, about an East German 'Romeo' officer wooing Western women that might share official secrets with him. The next thing to do is watch Good Bye Lenin! and rewatch The Lives of Others. With all that under my belt, a chunk of my ignorance should be erased.

I KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS

Finally, and quite clearly related to my GDR immersion, I've started the German Duolingo course. Mainly because I studied German for five years and don't remember much. My theory is, it can't be that hard to revisit the stuff I've forgotten and then move on to the next level. Surely? It's a plan anyway. The good news is that so far, I'm acing it. To be fair, I've only covered family members and 'I am, you are' sentences. Pretty much the sort of thing I did in First Year Seniors. Good to know I'm still as clever as I was when I was eleven.

So that's been my week. I've read more Wikipedia entries than normal, watched more documentaries than normal, and learnt more German than normal. I imagine normal service, in all its mundanity, will commence soon enough. 

Have a lovely week, folks.

To Boldly Go or Boldly Give?...

My kind of space travel.
Button Moon

Besides the Euros and the Olympics, the floods and the heat, there's been another news story skirting the edge of my peripheral vision this month. Richard Branson and Jeff Bezos have been to space. Individually. For a short time. And fair play to them, I guess. Like Gandhi (may have) once said, 'Be the change you want to see in the world.' Clearly for Bezos'n'Branson, the change they want to see is every billionaire being launched into the sky for a bit. And why not? Once you've paid your bills and had some nice holidays, what else are you going to do with your money? Might as well dabble in space exploration if that's your thing. Sounds reasonable, right?

Well obviously not. I mean, I'm approximately the 936th person to point out that there are approximately nine hundred and thirty six more pressing areas that could do with spare cash. Climate change, starving kids, homelessness, curing cancer, the NHS, the criminal justice system, paying tax... I could go on but I know you get it. It's not rocket science. But they persisted. And I've really struggled to work out why.

I've never had to consider my opinion about space travel before. I wasn't born when it was exciting and new. And I have vivid memories from thirty-five years ago of the grim newsflash announcing the Challenger explosion. I suppose I've always assumed, had I been around in 1969, I'd have been caught up in the frenzy along with everyone else. Indeed, when I watched The Dish - the sweet tale of an Australian town's pride at housing the satellite that sent the pictures of the moonwalk around the world - I was caught up in the buzz of the whole shebang. I think, in the right circumstances, I could possibly be convinced that boldly going is admirable and for the benefit of humankind. 

Sam Seaborn - the fictional speech writer from TV's The West Wing - makes a decent argument in Season 2. When Mallory, his girlfriend, bemoans the money that's being spent on a probe to Mars, the following exchange takes place.

Taken from The West Wing Transcripts.

If we take the worrying 'colonising' tone out of Sam's sentiment, maybe he has a point? Perhaps spending vast sums of money to personally experience space is noble and worthy. At the very least, simply human nature. Perhaps it's the same as the kid who spends his pocket money on a fair ground ride. He has nothing to show for it afterwards, but for five minutes, he's had the time of his life and experienced something amazing. 

Look, who am I to judge? No one, right? So I'll try not to. Even though all that space money could have fixed something fundamental on this planet, I'm going to avoid being annoyed and bitter about rich men pissing away their money. To help me avoid that, the best thing to do is find joy in the opposing behaviour. Long time readers will know how much I love Marcus Rashford. His extra-curricular activity of feeding hungry kids is so admirable. But he isn't alone in using his platform and money for good. Ladies, gentleman, and those who don't adhere to the gender binary, I give you... Dolly Parton.

Look, I couldn't be less arsed about the amount of money people have compared to each other, so I've no idea who tops the rich lists and who's further down the ranks. But let's take it for granted that Dolly's earned quite a bit over the years. And I'm sure that's meant she's had a lovely life. I think it's fair to say she likes a bit of cosmetic surgery, which won't be cheap. But beyond that, she's done some cracking things for the good of others.

Firstly, she sends books to kids. That's it in a nutshell. She ensures children have access to books from an early age. Dolly Parton's Imagination Library is the best kind of charity I can think of. As her website explains... 

'Inspired by her father’s inability to read and write Dolly started her Imagination Library in 1995 for the children within her home county. Today, her program spans five countries and gifts over 1 million free books each month to children around the world.'

How marvellous. I literally love that as a charitable idea. But there's more. For example, in 2017 she gave $3M to support residents and businesses affected by the wildfires in Tennessee. Just because. She saw a problem and could send some cash to help. Then in 2020, the development of the Moderna COVID vaccine was aided by her $1M donation to the effort. How fab to have spare money knocking about and to give it away to help others. I'm a big fan of that sort of thing.

It reminds me of another episode from The West Wing. As the entire show winds to a close and the fictional administration are packing up and moving on, Chief of Staff, CJ Cregg takes a meeting about a potential new job. A character we're led to believe to be a 'Bill Gates type' - i.e a famous rich dude - offers CJ the opportunity to spend his money doing something good of her choosing. He opens his pitch with, 'I'm starting a foundation 'cause if I hold onto all this money, I start to look impolite' What an amazing offer. Take my money and fix a problem. I love it. 

Me. Not judging.

I'm still not judging the recent spate of space cowboys. Instead I'm ignoring them. I'm limiting the money I spend on their businesses, and looking for the people that have got it right. Once you've paid your bills and had some nice holidays, what else are you going to do with your money, right? Well, if I may, I've a couple of other suggestions. 

The Book Trust is a UK charity that provides books for children and their families. I'm not Dolly Parton - no, I know, it's a shock for me too - but they get a couple of quid from me every month because I reckon that even in the most difficult of circumstances, a good book can make things seem a little bit better. 

Alternatively, FareShare is the UK charity supported by Marcus Rashford that works to eradicate food waste and hunger. Defo worth a quid or two if you've got it spare.

I suppose the point of this ramble is multi-faceted. I CBA with space travel, I really miss The West Wing, and I'd rather be a Dolly or a Marcus, than a Jeff or a Richard. But hey, I'm not judging anyone. No way. Not here.

Have a lovely week, folks.