The Elongated Fun of Smash Hits...

I recently bought three copies of Smash Hits on eBay. Why? Well, I'd had wine, I was feeling nostalgic after the Pet Shop Boys set at Glasto, and I'd done it before, and remembered how fab it was to read about old bands from the past. We all have our 'things'.

So, they arrived and I devoured them. Slowly, over long cups of tea, on multiple Saturday mornings. I still can't decide whether it's my love of eighties bands or the historical fascination of inspecting genuine primary sources that makes the whole thing so satisfying, but no matter. I don't want to analyse the joy out of it. Instead, I'm going to share the wealth. I've chosen the Smash Hits from 14th-27th March 1985 in which to do a deep dive. This would have cost me 43p back then (it was £2.99 via eBay) although as I turned seven whilst this edition was on the shelves, I know I wasn't a regular reader at this point. Just a sporadic one whenever Wham was on the cover. Anyway, enough preamble. Let's look closer at the historical evidence from March '85.

First of all it's the BITZ section. Three whole pages devoted to info, news, and trivia. I'd love those fan clubs to still be active. Remember fan clubs? Spandau are still going, to my knowledge. Surely they have someone posting out signed photos to anyone that wants one? Sigh. It seems fan clubs are another thing the Internet has taken away. They've been replaced by Fandoms, which seem far more intense and cliquey. Hey ho. Elsewhere in BITZ, we have this exciting teaser...

*Don't be looking for p49. Instead, go to the asterisk at the bottom of this blog, and all will be revealed there. And finally from BITZ, there're the birthdays...

It's unfathomable to me, that I'm currently older than Elton John and Diana Ross were then. Yes, I know this is how time works, but still. It's mad seeing it like this. Also, while I was celebrating the big 7, Pete Powell was cracking on with being 34. We are (almost) twinnies.

Moving on, there's an interview (and accompanying poster) with
Paul Young. The the final Q and As are...

It really was a different time. 

I'll skip past the double-page spread of Stephen 'Tin Tin' Duffy because he just wasn't on my radar then, and move to the next feature. SHOPPING LISTS. Stars of the day are asked what they put in their shopping baskets and it's beyond revealing...

Fresh from the revelations about Martin Kemp's fridge, we have Sade reminding us that we don't know we're born...

Smash Hits was famous for it's song lyrics. This edition includes sixteen, which, if it were then instead of now, would have occupied me on many a family journey at the back of the minibus. (We had a minibus instead of a car. It's not important. No really, let's move on.) Here are two sets of lyrics, on one page, set out just like I remember...

Right, let's move on to some new music. New music for 1985, that is. In this edition, the single reviews have been done by Marshall O'Leary who's twelve. I grew to love him by the end of this feature, for reviews such as these...

And it's always nice to be reminded how long the Eastenders' theme tune has been iconic...

I've skipped past more song lyrics, the crossword (still untouched!) and the GET SMART section. That's where people write in with their pop queries. The first letter asks how old Elaine Paige is. 'Her office make a wild guess at the 34/35 mark', is how the answer starts. Google really did take away all our fun.

There's an interview with Marilyn, another with the Jesus and Mary Chain, and then we're onto the centre poster. It's Steve from Spandau Ballet. He's topless, so I won't objectify him by including it here. We've got another interview, this time with King, and then we get to the pen pal page...

Called RSVP, there are small 'write to me' blurbs from people all over the place. Except, and I can't stress this enough, it prints their whole address. Postcode and ev. Even in the 80s, surely this is batshit? In the interests of GDPR and, let's be honest, sanity, I hid them on the picture. Once again for the back, IT REALLY WAS A DIFFERENT TIME.

I could do this all day, but I need to wind it up. I don't imagine there're any laws being breached for posting now-obsolete magazine screen shots, but I don't want to post the whole magazine. There are plenty on eBay to satisfy any demand I may have whipped up. Two more points to note...

First of all, the adverts are a whole historical/cultural treasure trove of their own. Did you know that in March 1985, Tri-ac was the clear treatment lotion for spots and acne? Did you know the Commodore 64 Music Maker disk or cassette was £29.95? And did you know that WH Smith were selling any album not on the 'hit list', for £4.49 or less? All genuine ads from this edition. And then there's this beauty...

It looks both sweetly dated and marvellously contemporary, and a reminder that gender fluidity is not a new concept. Plus, those colours! Exactly the sort of makeup I would have wanted in 1985. Hurrah for all this history. For the ads, the features, the reminders of how things have changed and how some things are the same. I've so enjoyed cherry picking some highlights for you.

The final point to make, is of course, the credits. Every so often I wonder whether I'd have liked to have been a journalist. I had this chat with a friend recently, who agreed and said he wished he could go over to Ukraine and report on the war. I said I'd prefer the kind of journalism that sees me sit on my couch and write my opinions with a cup of tea. (Hello blogging!) But actually, I'm going to revise that position. If I were a journalist, I'd love to go back in time and work for Smash Hits. It was the best thing to read then, and it's just as enjoyable now. And breaking it down and writing about it here has simply elongated my fun. And as we all know, elongated fun, is the very best fun there is. Fact.

Have a lovely week, folks.

*It's Simon Le Bon!