Clumsy Prose, Back to Basics, and Overwhelmed by FOMO...

The only photo I have of
Copenhagen 2014 due to
a non-backed up phone
swap. Boooo.

The year was 2014. I'd managed to get Eurovision tickets and flew to Copenhagen for five days. Other than the night of the final, I had no plans. I explored the city. I ate and drank well. On the night of the second semi, I stumbled across a market square to find it being broadcast on a big screen. It was great. The final was on the Saturday. I had a marvellous time.

Ahh the good old days. Life was well simpler. There was less social media filling my day, less online Eurovision on my phone, and my Copenhagen adventure unfurled organically. But now? Due to a mix of being very online, along with my Liverpool hometown located down the road, I'm overwhelmed. Liverpool has gone Eurovision mad! Tbf, this is a desirable outcome. I'd have been gutted if the stand-in host city had been a bit meh about the honour. But every time I open Insta or check Twitter, I see more and more fanfare of what's going on. I've cleared a few days in a couple of weeks to explore, but it doesn't feel enough. Liverpool is buzzing. I know when my freetime arrives, I'll be ready to fully embrace the experience. For now, it's like the party's already started and I've got FOMO. The upside of this, of course, is if you're planning on visiting Liverpool over the next few weeks, you're going to have the time of your life.

My prose is less windowpane,
more ugly drapes obscuring
windowpane before being made
into play clothes. And yes, this is
the only window related gif
I could find.

Writing News 

I know my problem. Cumbersome sentences. I've been told that my whole life. Well, maybe not my whole life. Just once, in sixth form, by the guy who led General Studies prep sessions. He said my sentences were long and clumsy. Harsh. As I felt this was an entirely subjective view, I chose to ignore his feedback and crack on with my life. (A sign of my excellent self-esteem, perhaps?) But during the editing process of my novels, I often wonder if he had a point. Here's an example of a sentence that my protagonist, Leeza, records in her diary...

I think Mum thinks she needs to keep asking me if I'm OK. 

Leeza is reflecting, attempting to second guess her Mum. Fair enough. But it's seven words too long. Instead it should be...

Mum keeps asking if I'm OK. 

Straight to the point. No waffle. It must be clear. In John Niven's novel, The F*ck It List, his journalist protagonist recalls the Orwell quote, 'Good prose is like a windowpane.' Orwell was talking about the see-through clarity of a political message, and Niven's character was talking about reporting the news. For me, it's more about face value. Not deterring readers by my less-than-succinct prose. I need to lose the cloudy whitewash of the abandoned building's windows to let the narrative be viewed without obstruction. Too laboured a metaphor? Yeaaahh. Soz. I simply need to tell the story in a way that's... non-waffly. Imagine baggy sentences like the example above, littered willy nilly throughout a 60000 word novel. My delete key continues to be used, and the superfluous words continue to be binned. (Obvs I have no such standards for this blog. Baggy sentences are EVERYWHERE.)

Culture

Seeing as it's already come up, here's a shout for John Niven's The F*ck It List. The first time I read it was in 2020. Tr*mp was in the Whitehouse and it was looking scarily like he'd stay there. This book imagines what could have happened by 2026, if politics had continued to be batshit. Along with a terminally-ill main character with nothing to lose, the action takes place in a realistic but frightening near-future. Reading it now, post Biden's win and with legal processes catching up with the previous Prez, is loads less stressful. Funny, dark, and sweary - if that's your thing, you should give it a look. (Here's the first chapter!)

Food and Drink 

I spent the weekend in a caravan. Loads of fun, but not necessarily involving the best food in the world. So let's have a cheer for the basics. Vegemite/Marmite on toast. Strong Yorkshire tea in a massive mug. Crisps. There were actual meals too, but when the basics are covered, life is good.

Out and About 
I've been to Wales. Hello Aberystwyth! Hello Borth! Hello Cambrian Coast! You were stunning and warm and lovely and windswept and beautiful and chilly and boozy and marvellous. Twelve family members, three caravans, and one sexy coastline.

Hopefully, you're enjoying the Bank Holiday. And there's more where that came from. Next Monday we've got another one. If you're giddy about all things Royal, then I guess this is your time. If you're not, then regardless, make good use of the day off. And if you're none of the above, then crack on and ignore my blathering. But whatever you do, please...

...have a lovely week, folks.