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| I'm doing this on the inside. |
At the time of writing, there are many unknowns. Tomorrow's semi-final will knock out seven countries. Thursday's will see off another eight. Right now, Saturday's final line-up is anybody's guess. Other than host country Israel and the big five - UK, France, Spain, Germany, and Italy - we have no clue who'll be in and who'll be out. The excitement is PALPABLE.
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| Last year's winner, Netta! |
MY CONSIDERED THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS
In the time between writing the title above, and this sentence, I've listened to every single 2019 entry. I KNOW. That's forty-one songs to you. A whopping two hours and three minutes of ESC joy. So, what are my faves? What are the notable mentions? Do I have any tips to share? DO I EVER.
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| Moldova have form. Remember the Sax Guy? |
Moldova
Remember the Sax Guy from 2010 and 2017? Or cast your mind back to last year's door-ography. Moldova have got form. This year they're giving me Gaga and Celine vibes with Stay - a twisty-turny power ballad that builds to a singing-with-a-hairbrush-in-the-mirror anthemic climax like nothing else. Come on Moldova!
Israel
No one wants the hassle of winning for a second year. Europe learnt big time from Ireland in the nineties. But, Home from Israel is a valiant effort. It doesn't fade into insignificance like most host countries' songs do. With a big old choral vibe going on, it prompts involuntary swaying with a candle or illuminated phone. I like it.
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| This is Miki, singing for Spain. He will give you a beautiful ear worm. |
Ah, I LOVE this. Like a Summer holiday hit from a time when dancing to a summer holiday hit was all you wanted to do with your time. You WILL tap your feet and sing along whether you want to or not. La Venda treads a fine line but manages to avoid crossing into cheese territory. Just. It makes me smile. Sometimes that's enough.
San Marino
Did someone mention cheese? Well how do you like these apples? It's Say Na Na Na from Serhat! Serhat has a cult status within the ESC fandom, despite not making it to the final of the 2016 contest. There's something about Serhat, there just is. In the wrong hands this song could veer into novelty. But in Serhat's hands, it's as smooth as a waxed back, sack 'n' crack. Something of which I'd bet money Serhat has knowledge. Say na na na. Say it indeed.
Notable Mentions
Iceland
I'd heard about Hatari long before I listened to their song. They are definitely memorable. (According to this blog, 'their look is described as bondage-synth-punk, industrial goth, and experimental art pop'. So that's new.) Their sound, with Hatrið Mun Sigra, put me in mind of Lordi from 2006 fame. Not sure if that's doing them a disservice or not. I'm looking forward to seeing them perform on the stage though. They'll definitely make their mark.
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| Jessica Mauboy sang for Australia in 2018 and was robbed. She came 20th. |
Australia have been a performing member of the ESC since 2015 when Guy Sebastian secured a respectable 5th place. Since then, they've attempted to replicate that success with a succession of power belters. But this year, there's a bit of a change. Kate Miller-Heidke* brings us operatic yodelling with Zero Gravity. The risk might pay off. Or it might bomb. Hard to know, but you'll have an opinion.
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| Remember? |
Another returning star. Sergei Lazarev is back. Remember when he climbed up the big screen in 2016? Of course you do, it was huge! Russia seem to get mixed reactions when they perform. Their 'problematic' politics, specifically surrounding LGBT+ rights, mean there's been boos from the audience in the past. Sergei's inclusion might counter that. He's a familiar face. In 2016 he came second, and this year's song, Scream, isn't bad at all.
Denmark
Forgive me this non-musical comment, but I LOVE Leonora's outfit choice. At least the one she wore to win her national final, anyway. Every year I have hair and clothes envy for someone, and this time the honour goes to Denmark's Leonora. Braces, fitted shirts, a traditionally masculine style over a traditionally feminine body. If I had a clothes mood board, I'd stick her picture all over it. Here's the video for Love is Forever so you can adjust your own mood boards accordingly.
If you skip the semis and dive straight into Saturday's final, the chances are that every song I've singled out will have missed the boat. I NEVER get it right. (I should have mentioned that earlier. DON'T bet your hard-earned money based on my thoughts.) But I feel I should impart some wisdom and learned experience. It's the least I can do. Here's some viewing guidance for the evening. I know of what I speak.
- It's a marathon, not a sprint. Go to the loo before it begins. You're in for the long haul.
- There's NO TIME for trips to the fridge once we've started. Choose your drinks carefully. Red wine, needing no refrigeration, is a good choice. Or keep a massive ice bucket by your side all night.
- Print off your score cards from the BBC. Even if you think you don't care, you absolutely will once it kicks off.
- No heavy meals. No knives and forks. Finger food and sharing platters are key. If it can spread out over the evening, it'll sustain you better.
- Go to the toilet when they recap the songs. Missing the interval acts is a gamble. They could be rubbish, but they could also be Riverdance. Don't be the person that wees during Riverdance.
- This year's interval acts have been a hubbub of rumour and intrigue. Will Madonna be involved or was it just a load of big talk? Either way, keep the toilet breaks short, quickly replenish plates and glasses, and have a couple of stretches to refresh. Then sit down and don't move.
- Eurovision Twitter is a fun place to hang out. Keep an eye on the comments as you watch. There'll be a variety of hashtags but #Eurovision2019 isn't a bad place to start. A dull song can be enlivened by an international piss-take.
- Don't be the joyless cynic in the corner.** No one likes that person. The more you embrace it, the more fun your evening will be.
- Shots, drinking games, and obscure European spirits really really help.
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| Spookily accurate. I probably won't bother with the blanket, there'll be a plate of prawns and blinis nearby, and I'll be glowing from the inside out. But other than that, yep, that's me. |
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make her drink. I've done my best. Now it's up to you. Enjoy every bloody minute of this week. I'll be live tweeting on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday night. Follow @BondieLa and join in the giddy thrill of the best week of the year.
Finally, it would be remiss of me to ignore the fact we have a horse in this race. Michael Rice will be doing his best for the UK with Bigger Than Us. It could be the dark horse that sweeps the jury and phone votes, and brings home the trophy in a blaze of glory. Or, more realistically, it might place on the left hand side of the score board if we all wish hard enough. Let's keep it real, everyone. No point getting carried away.
Finally, it would be remiss of me to ignore the fact we have a horse in this race. Michael Rice will be doing his best for the UK with Bigger Than Us. It could be the dark horse that sweeps the jury and phone votes, and brings home the trophy in a blaze of glory. Or, more realistically, it might place on the left hand side of the score board if we all wish hard enough. Let's keep it real, everyone. No point getting carried away.
Have a lovely week, folks.
*A few weeks ago, Kate Miller-Heidke was hospitalised for a week after a blister became badly infected. This was definitely not a PR stunt, but might provide some additional votes for her generally being a trouper. We'll see.
**A recently sacked BBC 5Live presenter was swiftly unfollowed by me, when he tweeted bitter negativity during the ESC a few years ago. A joke, a piss take or a bit of debate is welcome. Spluttering about wasting licence fees and the like, is absolutely not. TOO FAR, SIR. TOO FAR.
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