When PJs Won't Do...

Clothes shopping is the worst. The actual worst. I do it so rarely, that I forget how annoying it is. My daily uniform of 'PJ trousers and old top' is very easy to source. It's when I have to dig a little deeper and buy 'an outfit' that I am reminded of the horrors. Last week, when my defective laptop battery forced an impromptu day of fun and frolics, I tackled those horrors head on. I attempted to find an outfit for my brother's wedding. It wasn't pretty.

Here's what I learnt after visiting every single clothes shop* in The Trafford Centre.

1. Every item of clothing is yellow.
2. There are are high necks everywhere.
3. Everything looks stupid.

I will concede that the third point is subjective. I should have said, 'In my opinion, everything looks stupid.' But the fact it looks stupid, is mainly down to the previous two points.**

It's even happening in Tesco. 

I have known for many years, I cannot pull off yellow. It makes me look paler than usual, and subdues any natural sparkle my eyes, hair, or personality may have. This was probably the reason for my strong aversion to Brownies where in the mid 1980s, it was the uniform's accent colour. (That, or the sexism - Home Maker's Badge? WTAF?) Obviously, there are some people that absolutely love a yellow dress, come the spring. I have no problem with yellow clothes existing. It just seemed - during my exhaustive research last week - that there is very little else out there right now. The powers that be have decided that the colour of Spring 2019 is yellow. And there is nothing I can do about that. Or is there? We'll come back to that in a moment. 

But next, high necks! I have a long-held distrust of them. This has come up before, but the revelation that high necks are not flattering to the larger-chested lady was a complete eye-opener to me. Trinny and Susannah informed me of this via their show What Not to Wear, which balanced a fine line between clothing advice and body-shaming. I never like being told what to do, but the second I ditched my round-neck t-shirts for V-necks circa 2001, I liked that they looked better. I liked my clothes better. I liked how I presented myself better. (Let's calm down. My choice of neckline had nothing to do with whether I liked myself better. That's just silly. But in terms of the external and superficial? Defo.) As I walked around the shops looking for anything with a deep V, I found high neck after high neck staring back at me. When I did stumble across a V-neck tucked away, it was just my luck that it was yellow. Infuriating! Again, it's not that I want to ban this neckline for anyone else. If a high neck/slash neck/polo neck is your jam, then that is marvellous. I just want there to be more choice. 

So what can be done about this. What can be done for the discerning clothes shopper that prefers to buy styles that suit, rather than styles on trend? Well, it's good old Ebay innit. The evening of my shopping trip was spent watching and bidding on a whole host of suitable options. Some New With Tags, some Used, all lovely. It was empowering to be able to select a colour, neckline, and style and be offered hundreds of options to choose from. (Obvs, some were rubbish. It's not a shopping Utopia. Let's keep it in perspective.) But now I feel like I'm back in control. I can find something to wear, and be reassured that I won't have to sacrifice my strong views on neckline just to fit in. I'll be comfortable - my absolute favourite of all the emotions. 

Splats not spots.
Photo from the John Lewis website.

Despite all this, I did not come away from the shopping jaunt empty handed. Oh no. I found a black and white shirt dress in New Look, a white shirt with black splats*** in John Lewis, and a leopard print scarf with turquoise edging in Accessorize. None of these items are wedding-worthy, but they're all top-notch birthday presents I shall give myself next month. You gotta find an upside.

Have a lovely week folks.


*Clarification: I probably visited about a tenth of that list.

**Other factors include my refusal to do legs, my 'longer than a cap-sleeve' requirement, and my non-negotiable 'it has to work with shoes that can be walked in' demand. I do admit I am a tricksy customer.

**This amused me. At the till in John Lewis, the woman explained how staff can wear spots on their clothes (she was wearing a black top with white spots as we spoke). However, the shirt I bought had been designated as splats. Splats are not acceptable. Down with splats!