Geography's Loss is This Blog's Gain...

I know NOTHING of this.

Everything I know about the events of the 20^th Century comes from opting for GCSE History when I was fourteen. For two years I studied World War One, the Wall Street Crash, Prohibition, World War Two, Indian Independence, and Vietnam. I did not - as those who chose Geography did - learn about lakes, rocks, eco-systems and habitats. And who knows who had the more valuable learning experience? It’s a judgement call. One that I'm sure will settle squarely on the fence.

My entire second paragraph,
pithily summed up here.

What I do know, is there're people* who didn’t study the rise of fascism after a financial crisis and who aren’t seeing the warning signs when they’re all around them. There are people who didn’t study the partitioning of India, and so don’t see how a divided country, becoming more and more entrenched within its own side, doesn’t end well for hundreds of thousands of ordinary people. Studying history means the present makes more sense because precedents are understood and recognised when they reappear. It's impossible to learn everything that's gone before. But some stories should be passed on to generation after generation. 

Peter Jackson transformed footage
 like this, by adding colour and sound. 

I was thinking about this around Remembrance Sunday a couple of weeks ago. Blackadder Goes Forth was repeated on TV. The ending of which remains one of the more poignant finales to a laugh-out-loud comedy series. Then, at the same time, I downloaded Peter Jackson's They Shall Not Grow Old.** I kept it on the planner for a week or so before I got round to bothering. I think my general view was that I'd seen everything there was to see about World War One and life in the trenches from school, so this was just going to be more of the same. Yeah, I know. I couldn't have been more wrong. Ever before seen footage of the horrors of war had been colourised, lip-read, with accurate dubbing added. Narrated over that, were eye-witness accounts, adding a warts-and-all commentary to the experiences at the Western Front. It was a million times more informative, and graphic than anything I'd seen through school work. The film made me feel like I was there, not just reading about it from the safety of a hundred years in the future. It gave the clearest understanding of the experiences that thousands of soldiers had. The surviving soldiers that were alive when I was born. The soldiers that died out nine years ago. 

But as powerful as it was, I'm not sure it was particularly child-friendly. The technicolour horrors of war were hard to watch, and the close-up footage of trench foot and gangrene meant I had to press pause so I could finish my tea. On reflection it's probably better for an adult audience - teenaged at least. And yet historical events that shape our present, are not stories to hide from children. They just need to be presented in an age-appropriate way. 

I really like it too, Jodie!

Which brings us back to the latest series of Doctor Who. Last month I wrote - in a slightly tongue in cheek manner - that I was now a Whovian, what with my recent embracing of Doctor Who in all her female-bodied revolutionariness. It wasn't a lie. I've really enjoyed watching the show - a show I had, until recent times, mentally dismissed as being sci-fi nonsense*** for children, not for me. Because of the very recent nature of my conversion, I can't speak with authority about previous series or incarnations of the Doctor. I'm sure they were great, but I've no idea. What I can say is how marvellously educational I've found this current set of episodes to be.

First of all, there’s a whole generation of kids that are watching a multi-ethnic, multi-generational, time-travelling team led by a gender-fluid Doctor. That’s brilliant all on its own. But alongside that, amidst aliens and inter-galactic scenes, there’s real history being told, in a really accessible way. 

Honestly, this episode was superb. The viewer 
was on the bus. The tension was palpable.

Rosa told the story of Rosa Parks' activism that kicked off the Montgomery bus boycott in 1955. It outlined the injustice and unfairness of the society of the time, alongside conversations between modern-day Yas and Ryan about the ways they continue to encounter racism today. The subplot with the alien trying to disrupt the timeline of history, was a nice touch. It added an extra dimension to the story without detracting from the factual events as they unfolded. It also provided the most gut-wrenching of moments when Bradley Walsh realised he'd become the white passenger to whom Rosa Parks was told to give up her seat.**** He couldn't change history by behaving any differently, but the expression on his face was so painful to watch. The whole episode conveyed the realities of being on that bus at the time. It was visceral. How bloody brilliant for young viewers today to feel that historical injustice so clearly. And all as they watched a kids' entertainment programme, too. No history book could do better. 

Then, a few weeks later it was the turn of Demons of the Punjab. This episode of Doctor Who depicted the pain of Muslim and Hindu families in India in 1947, forced to choose between their loved ones or their politics. It reminded the younger generation of characters (and viewers) that their grandparents had once been young, with whole lives lived before their grandchildren knew them. It showed the reality of a nation of people that had fought with the UK in WW2, yet whose country was being divided up by those same UK powers, just a few years later. The bare facts of the situation were, once again, undiminished by the alien sub-plot. In fact, the out-of-this-world nature of the show could have been applied to the unfairness of the policy that forced families to split up in such a devastating way. The reality of a historical situation was clearly presented for a younger audience. It was incredibly powerful.

Good television can be lovely escapism after a long day. Sometimes you just want a double bill of the American Office*****, or a random episode of Friends to watch as you wind down. But Lordy, there's something exhilarating about getting swept up in a story and feeling like you're in it. And when that story is a real-life historical event, it's even more potent. It's the dream of teachers everywhere to make something potentially abstract feel so relevant and understood. So whether it's the partition line that's been drawn through your property, the bus you're sitting on where a brave women makes a stand, or the water-filled trench you're sharing with rats and fleas, television and film are essential in conveying that reality. And yes, there's many a film that doesn't quite manage it (Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter, I'm looking at you!) but there's many more that do. 

I started this ramble by explaining I know some stuff about 20th Century events, because I did GCSE History. But you know what? That's not it at all. At least, not in some dry, academic way. My history teacher (shout out to Miss Duffy!) was the person that encouraged my class to watch The Untouchables, Escape from Sobibor, Gandhi, Schindler's List, Platoon, Testament of Youth, and yes, Blackadder Goes Forth. There's nothing new about my sudden realisation that TV can educate. Good teachers have known this for years. And when episodes of a popular children's programme present lessons from history so perfectly, it makes me wish that I still had a class of minds to mould.****** Some of the time, anyway. 

But enough of all this remembering and revisiting the past. It's worth spending a moment or two imaging the stories from today that will be eventually immortalised on film. My money's on series 84 of Doctor Who, depicting what happened with Brexit, as forces led by an old-fashioned looking, inconsequential back-bencher and a self-interested bore with white-blonde messy hair attempt to destroy the tardis in order to achieve their self-serving goals. Or something.

Have a lovely week, folks.

* #notallgeographers  (Don't @me.)

**They Shall not Grow Old was available on BBC iPlayer for just a week before being removed. A cursory online search informs me there is a 'outcry' about this from Daily Mail readers, and they are 'begging' the BBC to bring it back. *Side-eye* We'll see.

***Apologies to sci-fi fans. I don't mean it's nonsense in terms of a valid genre. It isn't. It's marvellous. But it's marvellous for people who enjoy sci-fi. I do not, and have always struggled with the more extra-terrestrial/supernatural aspects of fiction. Back to the Future remains the one example of the genre that I LOVE, and that's because I view it as a high school/coming of age/family dynamics movie first. (And in this exploration of the film, the Sci-finess of it all isn't even mentioned.) Anyway, as you were.

****I know. The addition of Bradley Walsh's name in a sentence about the injustice of segregated buses, does seem highly comedic. But fair play to the guy. He played a blinder in that scene.

*****The recent weeknightly double bills of The American Office on Comedy Central are currently the best part of my day. It's not dumbing down or tuning out because it's quality writing, acting, and directing. So I am NOT slagging off The American Office one tiny bit. However, I do feel it's a fair point to say it's not the same as watching a WW1 documentary. (Once again, don't @me.)

******I'm channelling Jack Black from School of Rock there, obvs. But the basic sentiment is true.

Leeza McAuliffe Has Arrived....

Evidence of the perils of requesting your favourite
colour as the front cover's background but then showcasing
it where your favourite colour is the blog's background. D'oh!

Da da-da da da da da daaaaaa!

Hopefully that's how to spell a fanfare, because I NEED to fanfare exciting news.

Or how about this? Ta-daaaaaaaaaaa! Buckle up for marvellousness beyond your wildest dreams, because here we go...

Leeza McAuliffe Has Something To Say is pre-orderable NOW!!!!

Click here for all that order-ability. Doesn't it feel nice? Click again. Keep going. It'll be out on March 7th 2019. Get excited!

To say I'm giddy is a bit of an understatement. This feels massive. I've been going on and on about this book for so long and now the end is nigh - in a good way. It'll be published on March 7th 2019, and available from an online bookstore near you. 

I've read through the entire thing about seventeen times in the past week (OK, just three but it's been a graft) and I'm ready for a lie down. But after having it solely in my head for so long, it's beyond thrilling to know it's emerging into the world in just a few short months. If you're so moved, pre-order it now, and then forget about it till March. It'll be a nice surprise.

In terms of audience, it's suitable for children of all ages* but would also be a good read for adults who want to relive the angst of being on the cusp of maturity. Because, hey, isn't that how we feel no matter what age we are? 

Here's the blurb, if you want more convincing.

Intrigued? Excellent. Click here. I'm going to blitz the Internet over the next few days with all sorts of marketing jiggery pokery (aka photos and tweets) but here, for your viewing and pre-ordering pleasure, is the bulk of it all, in one handy place. 

First, the opening pages of the proof...

Even more intrigued? There's more here! And next is my Amazon bio photo. Hello.

And here's my Amazon bio. Are we getting bored yet? 

Each chapter is a new month. FWIW, my favourite is December. Feel the Glow! 

Leeza McAuliffe Has Something To Say is available anywhere that sells books online. (That's what I'm told, anyway.) So far it's on the Amazon and Barnes and Noble sites. It'll come across to Waterstones and Foyles soon. It's also available as an e-book, from Amazon, if you prefer. Whichever way you ingest your books, I'd be ever so chuffed if you gave mine a whirl.

So, there we have it. Business as usual next week. I'll be rambling on about female representation in film, or the perils of peaking too soon with Christmas prep. Something like that, anyway. But for now, I'm going to keep googling myself (not a euphemism!) and feel proud that a random idea I had four years ago, about a multi-siblinged family, squashed into a small house, with pre-pubescent angst thrown in, is finally OUT THERE. 

Have a lovely week, folks.


*There are very few parental advisory issues. Nothing dodge, but a couple of things might raise the odd question. There are several mentions of puberty and periods, the word 'willy' and 'penis' are used in relation to a scan photo, and the term 'cow' is used as an insult. At one point someone reports that another character uses the word for a lady dog (gasp!) but that's your lot. Oh, there's a reference to Sex Ed. in school too. Standard primary school stuff. No dodgy language or adult-only content here. Just a good romp of a tale about Leeza's life as it unfolds over the course of a tumultuous twelve months. Oh the drama!

A Preview About Pre-Ordering...

No. This was defo not taken
on Bommy Night. This
is just the universe celebrating
my achievements this week.

I have news! In the drawn-out and (seemingly) never-ending period of time between finishing my book's first draft and seeing it published, stuff has happened. I am now done with editing. Huzzah and hurrah!

This is a bold claim, considering I'll continue to play Spot the Mistake for a while yet, but I've drawn a line. A few days ago I uploaded my manuscript to the publishing company (Ingram Spark) and it was accepted. That means, as far as the automated formatting checks go, it's all good. On top of that, the front cover passed its checks too. It's all kicking off!

Because I've done this before, I know the process still has some way to go. Over the next couple of weeks I need to...

• Proof read an e-copy of the final paperback version
• Spot mistakes and change them online
• Order a proof copy of the paperback
• Swoon at holding it in my hands for five seconds
• Proof read the physical copy
• Spot more mistakes and change them online
• Repeat the process with the final version of the e-book
• Drink 

Like I say, I know the process. I've done it before. There WILL be wine.

One of several stomach churning
moments of the whole process.
Will it be accepted, or are
there technical issues I have
to deal with? Happily, it passed!

It isn't all the same, though. I learnt quite a lot from my first bash at indie-publishing. I know what to do differently this time. And that's what the next few months will focus on. To put it simply, I need all the pre-orders I can get.

Last time, I had no clue about any of this. I just picked a random date for publication, tweeted about it a bit, and then sat back and watched what happened. Some people pre-ordered it, some people waited for the release date, and then -  in dribs and drabs - some more people got on board. But now I know the score. All marketing efforts need to be channelled into release week. And all pre-orders get counted as purchases on release week. So I have a window of time - from when the book is available for pre-order, to when it actually comes out next year - to get everyone signed up with a planned purchase. The more the merrier. Because the more orders there are, the more likely the algorithms that control the world will notice my little book. With a release-day surge, there will be more chance it gets bumped up the chain of command and be promoted by your online retailer of choice. Last time I knew nothing of this. This time, I'm trying to be savvier.

The other thing I've learnt is the importance of reviews. Seeing a review is the BEST feeling. Even bad ones. (Although all my reviews last time were lovely!) Knowing someone has read the book I've written is ace. But even if they don't like it, they've left a review which  - once again - all counts at making the Internet-powers-that-be take notice. I've read conflicting reports. One site said you need twenty reviews for the algorithms to kick in. Another said fifty. I will aim for somewhere in between. I know that since learning this, I've started to leave my own reviews of books I've enjoyed. Especially when they're indie-published or new authors. I know how important it is.

The most recent book I've reviewed. It's ace. Jack of Hearts (and Other Parts)

So, there we are. I've updated you on where I'm up to, and I've begun the begging process surrounding reviews and pre-orders. I now have a week of hardcore proof reading to do. With wine. So, relax and enjoy the next seven days. Because very soon I'll be pestering you silly with pre-order pleas and images of my smiling face holding Leeza McAuliffe Has Something To Say. Don't say you weren't warned.

Have a lovely week, folks.

Festive Viewing, Part One...

Well done, folks, We've made it to November! Memories of the oppressive Summer heat have finally faded and now not an evening goes by without my thighs being insulated by an IKEA blanket. Let's crack on with some cheery festive fun for the next couple of months, ensuring the Christmas glow remains high. Obviously the Christmas glow is significantly dimmed once the stress kicks in. Presents, food, airbeds, siblings, shops, queues, no money, and pressure. All that will come. That's why it's important to fit in the fun stuff around the horror. And as we all know, the fun stuff takes the form of TV and film. That's just fact. 

November is the time to warm up gently and use TV episodes to get the ball rolling. No one wants to peak too soon by wasting full Christmas films before it's time. There's room for all that, come December. For now, make a cup of tea, curl up, and let me guide you through the month with some seasonal TV. Best watched with candles, and/or fairy lights, here's Part One of my definitive guide to festive viewing. It starts now.

Ah-haaaa!

The West Wing - Noël

Let's start the season off with a bitter-sweet Christmas special. Yes, it features a PTSD diagnosis and references to an attempted presidential assassination, but it's also got carollers, Yo-Yo Ma, and a big tree. It's not peak Christmas, but it's a good watch, early doors. Leo's speech near the end, where he shows empathy for Josh's turmoil, is moving as hell. 

Knowing Me Knowing Yule

We're still not fully submerged into the festivities yet, but this helps us laugh along the way. Watch Alan Partridge's manic desperation as he clings to any semblance of control he might have had over the guests and events on his fictional chat show. It's easy to forget how long ago this was - twenty three years! Indeed, the audio cassette of this episode was part of a Freshers' Week Welcome Pack I got when I left home the following year. It's testament to the genius of the writers how fully formed Alan is, at such an early stage of his incarnation. Long before North Norfolk Digital and big screen outings like Alpha Papa. He's always been the same. Watching this episode is nostalgic and yet still laugh out loud funny. And Christmassy!

Fanny Cradock Cooks For Christmas

I mention this every year because I love it. It's the binary opposite of the warm and twinkly TV chefs we know today. Cradock's style is more a compassionless school cook than a nurturing nourisher. I've got one hour to feed 500 kids and the hall has to be empty in time for assembly. Now queue up in silence and don't push in. Forget luxury and decadence, too. The ingredients are budget and basic. But there's something about the strand of bargain tinsel that Fanny begrudgingly flaps over the plastic tree that is forever Christmas. It's a subversive joy.

Blackadder’s Christmas Carol

This is a classic in my house and regularly quoted throughout the year. When Blackadder tricks Melchet into signing his own death warrant, he holds the paper close to his face and says, 'I can't read this terrible childish writing.' It loses EVERYTHING in the retelling, but it's my favourite thing to say when I read a hand-written note. My other favourite line is when a disguised Prince Albert tries to pretend he's from Glasgow. 

Blackadder: Ah a fine city. I love the Gorbals!
Prince Albert: Yes the Gorbals. I love them too. A lovely couple - lots of fun.

I'm smiling already and I'm just talking about it! Silly, funny, festive, fun. 

Hercule Poirot’s Christmas
There is a brief moment, five minutes in - before we arrive at the country house full of suspects - where we're shown a wintry, festive scene, with Salvation Army carol singers and snow. It's December 21st 1936, and it's cosy and marvellous. Later, amidst the gruesome death and obnoxious characters, there's another gem. Thirty-five minutes into the episode, Poirot realises skullduggery is afoot and he needs Inspector Japp's help. He goes to get him, thereby rescuing him from the singing-around-the-piano hell of his in-laws' Christmas. We see Japp's discomfort as all around are ding-donging merrily on high. It amuses me lots. It also makes me think that Japp represents what the in-laws in my own family must think when the Bond festivities spill over into drunken musical theatre singalongs.

Midsomer Murders - Ghosts of Christmas Past
Now we're cooking! The seasonal tingles have started. This Midsomer Murders episode is my hands down favourite. The scene of the family returning home from the carol service on Christmas eve is lovely - it's all hot water bottles, bustle, and mugs of tea. (This is before the murder attempt, obvs). Also, the opening titles where Emily and Aiden drive home through the village and see the Santa-hatted carol singers and brass band, is sweet as. (This episode also features Phillip Quast, which never ever hurts.) Tingly, winter, fun. The bleak subject matter makes the cosy bits all the more necessary.

Gavin and Stacey Christmas Special
A modern classic. Forget what you think of James Corden now. Relive the moment that Smithy belts out Do They Know It's Christmas down the hands free as he's driving his van home from work. It's spot on. Plus, who wouldn't want to stay at Pam and Mick's for Christmas? Board games, food, and massive rows. Standard. Despite it's lovely vibe, it never pushes too far into sentimentality. The scene with Smithy and Nessa outside, where he blurts out a half-formed, badly-worded concern for her future happiness, is just right. It's not overplayed in the slightest. It's got cracking music, family dynamics, and all the feels.

So there we have it. If you've timed this right - and I assume you marked a special calendar to spread out the viewing - you'll be about ready to hit December now. And when December comes for real, I'll return with my Festive Viewing Guide, Part Two. You're ever so welcome. No, honestly.

Have a lovely week, folks.