Teaching You To Eurovision...

Dust off your VE Day flags, restring your bunting, and prepare your Swiss cheese platter... it's Eurovision! 

Last year's winner, Nemo. They won for 
Switzerland with The Code.

For clarity, let's be, well, clear. Tomorrow (Tuesday 13th May) is the first semi-final, Thursday (15th May) is the second, and then there's the main event. On Saturday night at 8pm BST, it's the Grand Final. Whoop-de-whoop-woooooo!

As is now a long established and, I can only assume, beloved tradition, I'm using the Monday morning of Eurovision week to share my thoughts about this year's songs. At the time of writing, thirty-seven countries are in the running. That'll be whittled down to twenty-six on Saturday. By now, I've listened to every single song. This is the season I look forward to the most (excepting the Christmas period, leading up to and including Christmas Eve.) This is when my energy levels are at their peak. My car speakers are blasting out Europop with every drive to the Asda. I'm humming a Croatian banger one minute and some Irish ouija-pop the next. The evenings are lighter, the rain is minimal, and we come together with our international neighbours for the very best of times. 

At least that's what USUALLY happens. This year? Meh. I'm not quite there. I don't know why. Sure, I've been busy, but that's standard. And obvs, I've kept an eye on my socials for ESC qualifying songs as they've been selected. Nothing new there. But when I sat down a few weeks ago to give each song a proper listen, I was left kind of... flat? I've not listened again. WHAT IS THIS NEW FEELING? I HATE IT.

Let's break it down. I normally listen to the songs around March and a couple of things happen. Firstly, I hear ten or so brilliant entries that I immediately warm to, and add to my rolling ESC playlist. I feel fired up to cheer any one of them on. I usually find the winner among them. 

Måneskin on Jimmy Fallon.

Secondly, I discover my own personal favourite. It's never a song that ends up winning (2021's Måneskin is the exception) but I love it, I build my identity around it, I plan to visit its country of origin (which never ends up happening), and am regularly disappointed when it fails to make a dent with the voting public. Hey, sometimes it doesn't even qualify. (#justiceforczechia2024)

Then there's the UK song. When it's announced, I listen with an open mind. I tend to find it 'quite nice'. That's certainly how I felt about Olly Alexander's, Mae Muller's, Sam Ryder's, and James Newman's. (Those are our last four representatives, btw. Did you remember?) And once I've thought, 'that's nice' I listen again. And again. Then I read about the performer, I watch some of their other songs, and I find my opinion elevated from 'quite nice' to 'it's an ear worm' or 'pretty catchy'. I don't do this with any other songs, you understand. That makes sense, right? In my own way, for one week in mMay, I'm as patriotic as the most ardent Reform-voting flag-shagger. So with repeated listenings to the UK entry, I get myself into the head space that 'this could be our year.' 

Now, let's be clear. Do I ever think for REAL that this could be our year? No! We don't care enough! The BBC half-asses the campaign! It's still seen as tongue in cheek nonsense by too many people! Obviously it's not going to be our year. (This post deep-dives into the UK's problem with Eurovision and it's an EXCELLENT use of your time.) The trouble is, in 2022, Sam Ryder inflated all our hopes and dreams. With his excellent skills and pure luck of the draw (singing an energising rocky guitar anthem right after a run of quiet ballads) he almost did the impossible. That means we could do that again. Couldn't we?

Who knows? What I do know is that this year, the UK entry has stuck out for real. Watch Remember Monday singing What the Hell Just Happened now! It's excellently sung, it's been an ear worm for me since its first listen, and in a field of songs that haven't forcibly gripped me with enthusiastic hyperbole, it's well up there. DO I think this could be our year? Well, no. I guess not. But I'm not as convinced by that statement as usual. 

The problem is, nothing else stood out. Where are my ten or so songs that pick me up and take me away? I'm a broad church. I'll take a banger, a ballad, a rock anthem, or a folk song. Just hook me in. Folks, it's just not happened. 

Kaj, singing for Sweden. 
Sauna vibes right there.

The only song worth pointing out is Sweden. It's been the bookies favourite for ages. It's three men singing about a sauna but it's still good. In terms of vibes, it's piggybacked onto Finland's 2023 Cha Cha Cha. Remember? Course you do! That song came second but was the winner of our hearts. A catchy riff (which you'll have recalled the second I just reminded you) and a bent-arm, side-to-side dance move that united us all. Croatia's Baby Lasagna tried to replicate the vibes last year. His Rim Tim Tagi Dim had a similar hook. This year, Sweden are offering Bara Bada Bastu. It's topping the bookies chart for a reason. I imagine it will win. 

Malta are serving.

The other song that stands out is Malta's Serving. The reason is quite specific. Back when it was announced, there was a minor controversy. The original song title, Kant, had to be changed. It seems a national broadcaster complained about it sounding too similar to a VERY BAD WORD. Stand by for the Beeb to block out the sound of everyone in the arena screaming that word at volume, come the chorus. Would I have noticed this song amid the throng without the whiff of scandal? I'm not sure. Possibly not.

I've given you the tools, now
it's all down to you.
Fly my pretties!

It's time to wrap things up. Do you feel I've short changed you? I hope not. This week will still be filled with fun and frolics. Seriously. If you're feeling down, lonely, or need even the tiniest pick me up, watching thirty-seven countries present an eclectic mix of music, choreography, and sparkles, will ONLY make you feel better. I'm still looking forward to Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Who needs my top picks anyway? Here's a much better idea. Listen to them yourself. Choose your OWN top picks. Let me teach you to fish, and all that jazz.

Whether it's Sweden's night or even the UKs, one thing's clear. It's the MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR. That will never change. Now crack on and get listening. 

Have a lovely week, folks.