Smashing the Patriarchy One Challenge at a Time...

Shout out to the international women in the crowd! Helloooo! I too am an international woman. Or at least I was until COVID. These days I'm more of a domestic woman, sadly. Although even pre-pandemic, my thrill of air travel had dampened somewhat, with my developing conscience over climate change. When 'all this' is over, perhaps I'll do a European inter-railing holiday instead of flying somewhere. Except Brexit makes that way tricker now. Maybe I could get a ferry. Tour the Scottish highlands? Anyway. I've quite considerably gone off topic. Let's get right back on it.

Not just Richard Herring either.

Today is International Women's Day! A day to promote gender equality and celebrate women's achievements. ALL women, no exclusions. And it's really that simple. What a fabulous idea! Erect the balloon arch and fire up the party poppers! Let the celebrations begin! Yet despite my upbeat mood, IWD is sometimes met with ignorance and fear. Can you believe it? This year Richard Herring will not be replying to every sarky tweet that says 'International Women's Day is sexist! When is men's day?' His consistent reply used to be along the lines of, 'It's November 19th. Looking forward to your awareness campaign!' or words to that effect. He's not doing it anymore because he did it for a decade and hopefully the point has been made. Last year on November 19th, I tweeted, 'Men! Enjoy your day!' And I really hope they did. It would be lovely for that sentiment to be returned and the concept of gender equality and the celebration of women not attacked. Hashtag not all men, of course. Many are allies. Hurrah! You are marvellous! But the vocal minority are not and might need a smidge more awareness in their lives. 

I'm going to assume that NPH
is a true ally. I can't imagine
he wouldn't be.

This year's IWD has a theme. It's called Choose to Challenge. Or in modern English, #ChooseToChallenge. You've got to have a hashtag. And while I love a good political march, and I'm no stranger to petition signing, or funding energetic people to run marathons for activism, I do find it hard to stand up and challenge every little thing. I might spot an inequality in my head but I have to choose my moment. Sometimes, for example, correcting a stranger's sexism is only going to end badly for me. I have to be sensible about how I challenge. 

But I do challenge in my own way. In my subtle and hopefully non-feather ruffling way. Although, feathers do need to be ruffled now and then, and sometimes I'm well up for the fight. But on a daily basis, that can be exhausting. So here are my tried and tested tips on smashing the patriarchy - the patriarchy that restricts everybody - during the times you need less hassle in your life. All easily done from your own brain. For women and allies alike.

1. Use the word woman to describe anyone who identifies as a woman, over the age of eighteen. Before that, go right ahead and use the word girl. A twenty-three year old woman is not a girl and calling her one is dismissive as well as inaccurate.

2. When someone is talking about visiting the doctor (for example) and you don't know the sex of their doctor, you could ask the question, 'And what did she say?' and let them correct you if they had been talking about a man. In 2016, 52% of GPs were women so odds are you'd be right first time. Doing it the other way perpetuates a stereotype that the data doesn't support. Of course you could be supportive to non-binary folks too and use the word they. That would be even better tbh. They is a great word when you don't know.

3. Think about avoiding language that includes man but refers to everyone. It's nice to use something more inclusive. Humankind instead of mankind, linesperson instead of linesman, staffed instead of manned, and - my personal menu favourite - a Fisherperson's Platter instead of... look, you get the gist. We're swimming against the tide here and sometimes it can sound comical to try to correct a sexism. I remember the snorts of derision at an extended family get together when the Mersey tunnel booths were changed from MANNED to STAFFED. But anything new sounds funny. One day it won't be new and it will be normal. Besides, I imagine there were several cave women who found it hysterical when some wag came up with mankind meaning everybody. It's just as nonsensical to have default male language when it excludes a majority of the population.

4. No matter how harmlessly intentioned the phrasing may be, small animals don't seem appropriate names for adult women. Chick, bird and pet are all teeny tiny cute things. Yet women are powerhouses. It doesn't compute.

5. Don't assume a married hetero couple shares a surname. Or any couple for that matter. By not assuming, it shows you know that women choose to retain or change their name. It keeps their agency. A good thing!

6. Think about the kinds of words that are only used to describe women. Feisty. Uppity. Bolshy. Bitch. You know what? Why not give 'em a swerve. So much nicer not to get into all that. And the words that are only used to describe men don't help them much either. How stressful and pressurised to be expected to be ambitious, strong, brave, and powerful. Many lovely lovely, lovely men don't exhibit those qualities that often. At least not in the traditional way. The way that society expects them to be exhibited. Stereotyped language helps neither those it confines nor those it excludes. The more equal our language, the more equal our behaviour, and the more equally we treat each other. Let's think about what we say. Every little helps.

7. Final one I can think of right now, and it's a toughy. Properly hard to do, but once you get used to it, it's so much nicer. It's fairly common knowledge that women are judged by their looks all the time. Negatively or positively, it's all so reductive. Unless you're a model and your job is to look a certain way (and there a bazillion caveats to that statement alone) it really doesn't matter what someone looks like. So let's not mention it. Yeah? Let's not go there. Unless someone specifically asks you how they look (and that's a question with it's own challenges) there's no reason to comment. I once heard an acquaintance tell the story of a colleague who had caused them hassle at work. They had a legitimate reason to be pissed off and I was sympathetic. I found I lost sympathy, however, when they ended their rant with the statement that the woman in question had a fat arse. That's not on. Mean and rude, as well as subjective. And also nothing to do with the point they had been making. We all get annoyed at times, but insulting women in the same way an abusive boyfriend might, is not cool. But OMG it's hard to be kind, consistently. It's easy with your mates, but not when it's someone who does your head in. But have a go. Give it a try. Criticise or comment on behaviour or words if necessary, but not looks. Lets challenge the assumption that women's worth is only located in their outward appearance.

 

Malala knows the score

And there we have it. A few teeny-tiny linguistic changes we could train ourselves to make. Of course by choosing one or more of these non-confrontational options, you'll be sure to stand out to some eagle-eared sexists. Challenging norms, opting out of gendered language, and refusing to prop up the patriarchy in the smallest of ways, still irritates some people. The ones that think equality for everyone will have some negative effect on their own status. And that's when you have a fight. Even when you've picked the least challenging thing you can think of. It isn't easy. But on International Women's Day, the majority of women and allies are behind you.

Have a lovely week, folks.