Cosy Up with One-Note Chocolates...

Picture the scene: A stranger arrives in a new town. In their initial bewilderment, their suitcase falls into the path of a passerby. Contents spill out. The passerby and stranger bundle things back into the bag whilst having an awkward, possibly grumpy exchange. Our romantic protagonists have now met. 

Cosy Up.
No really, please do.

Now, I don't know if this sounds familiar, but it seems this is very much A THING. Not in my own novel, I might add, but in several films I watched this week. Different films, actors and bags, but the same scenario. What's going on? What happened to originality and creative vision? What films have I been watching where I'm getting the same meet-cute time and time again? 

Let's dial it back. I have some thoughts but first a bit of context.

Flattering, God no.
 Cosy and warm? TICK
My festive, spherical top.

 In a bid to distance myself from pointless manifesto launches, unchecked political lies, and royal family car-crash interviews, I've been getting my cosy on. I bought a candle from Tesco whose fragrance is literally Cosy Up. (Because that's a smell.) I won an eBay bid for a bright red, Christmas themed tunic that contains more than a hint of the Violet Beauregardes about it. (Not for public consumption but oh so comfy.) And then I moved on to Christmas Films. 

I'M JUST NOT READY
FOR YOU YET, KEVIN.

Christmas Films means out-and-out classics. Your Home Alones and your Miracles on 34th Street. But I'm still not ready for those. There's weeks to go, and peaking too soon would be ill-advised. Instead I've turned to Netflix. Their Christmas movie list grows every year. It's like a chocolate box of festive gorging. Rich, luxurious treats to savour over the winter evenings. The reality, however, is a little different. It's still a chocolate box. It's a beautifully wrapped, opulently-presented chocolate box. Proper posh and classy. But when you open the intricate layers and dive inside, it's row after row of coffee creams. All the same. No difference or choice. Beautifully presented coffee creams, but still. Only coffee creams. Boooooo. 

The poster art copyright is
 believed to belong to the
distributor of the film, the publisher
 of the film or the graphic artist.

This week I've watched A Christmas Prince, Let it Snow, A Christmas Inheritance and Christmas With a View.* Apart from high production values, they share other characteristics too. Let's break it down for the group.

1. They're always set in a snowy, small town. In Let it Snow it's Laurel, Illinois. In Christmas With a View it's a Canadian ski resort. In A Christmas Inheritance it's Snow Falls. In A Christmas Prince, the idea is subverted slightly. It's the fictional yet tiny kingdom of Aldovia but it's still covered in snow. Snow and small towns go hand in hand in the Netflix Christmas film planning department, it seems.

The poster art copyright is
believed to belong to the
distributor of the film, the publisher of
 the film or the graphic artist.

2. Once our protagonists meet over an open bag in a snowy town, we move on to another shared plot point. The Character that Stands Out. In all cases, there's a character that is already famous to the other characters. That person is in the aforementioned small town to lie low. To get back in touch with reality. To find meaning. So, we have a celebrity chef (Christmas With a View), a chart topping pop star, (Let it Snow) and a party heiress (A Christmas Inheritance.) Once again, A Christmas Prince keeps us all on our toes by having the famous person (i.e the Prince) NOT lie low. Instead it's the journalist who has gained access to the palace by pretending to be a tutor. She's the one keeping a low profile in that one. But still. Snow. Low profile. Coffee creams.

The poster art copyright is believed
 to belong to the distributor
of the film, the publisher of
the film or the graphic artist.

3. Once the story is underway, there's usually some sort of romance faff that takes place. The grumpy protagonists find they have more in common than an open suitcase, and eventually snog. BUT there is a deception/secret/lying low thing going on too. Why is the celebrity chef in a small resort's kitchen? Why is the pop star ignoring calls from his tour manager? Who is the spoilt hotel guest that has run out of money and is having to clean the Inn to earn her keep? Happiness is thwarted by questions and lies. But then, almost comically on cue, they share their mysterious secret, honesty prevails, and they live happily ever after. No one mentions going back to the big city, not for a second. Happiness, we are told, is settling in small town North America, in the winter time. That is, except for the renegade A Christmas Prince. Here, the lie-living journalist leaves New York behind her for her royal boyf in Aldovia. She actually emigrates. But snow, so it's fine.

The poster art copyright is
believed to belong to the distributor
of the film, the publisher of
the film or the graphic artist.

4. One final point. Despite the main characters being played by largely unknown faces (in terms of mainstream Hollywood stuff) there is always one random actor whose face you'll know. Someone famous from years ago. A reliable, reassuring presence. Someone that, when you see them pop up on screen, will prompt the instinctive thought of, 'Well if they agreed to this, it must be good.' So Joan Cusack, Patrick Duffy, Andie McDowell, and Alice Krige are all there to steady the ship. And fair play to them. I don't begrudge them a thing. Especially Joan Cusack who can do no wrong in my eyes after her brilliance in Working Girl and Broadcast News** a hundred years ago.

So there were are. Small town realness, Christmas romance, and snowy good cheer. My in-depth analysis is complete. 

I realise that reading this back, it might seem like I'm being critical. I bemoaned the lack of originality in an earlier paragraph and I admit there's a heathy dose of sarcasm running throughout this week's ramble. But in all seriousness, I am a recent convert to a diet of Coffee Creams. Just for now, anyway. Homogenous and trope-filled these films may be, but they are utter escapism. Far more relaxing than the news. For the past week, they've been the ultimate cool-down to the end of the day. I fall asleep more easily with one of these films playing, than if I were left to worry about the tactical vote in my constituency, or the Christmas shopping I haven’t done. I suppose these are the Mills and Boon of modern times. Something slightly naff that you know aren't great examples of their genre, and yet comforting in their predictability and similarities. Alternatively, of course, I might just be old. The yooths of today might love these films for realsies. I'm just falling into the age-old trap of thinking stuff from my past is better than now. Another theory for you.

A final wider point about streaming services. Because you know, I'm like an expert or something. (LOLZ). We're reaching the end of a decade. Ten years ago, Netflix may have technically existed but it wasn't the force it is today. The way we view film has changed immeasurably. Maybe the payoff for TV and film on demand means we have less individual, less memorable, less creatively impressive TV and film. Maybe there is something to be said for less is more - when there was a new festive film released every year, not every day. When cinemas were where we viewed movies, not laptops, tablets, and phones. Who knows? Not me. I'm just rambling. For now, I’m sticking with the coffee creams throughout November. I’ll wear my unflattering yet comfy red tunic and doze off to snowy scenes with my Cosy Up candle, any night I can. But perhaps when December comes, it’ll be time to dust off the DVDs and bring out the big guns. The coffee creams will be put to one side and replaced with meat, veg, and roasties. I'm looking at you It's a Wonderful Life,*** you balanced, nutritious and satisfying meal of a film, you. 

Have a lovely week, folks.

*Stop press! Mere hours before pressing the publish button on this very post, I watched The Knight Before Christmas. It's new this year and more or less fits the mould I outline above. Review here for those that want it.

**Trust me. Click the link. This 1m 45s clip from Broadcast News is a mini-film in it's own right. Enjoy.

***The irony isn't lost on me. There's no open suitcase in IAWL, but there is a snowy small town - Bedford Falls - a grumpy protagonist in George Bailey that falls in love, and who has a sort of secret (sort of?) that must be resolved before he can find meaning and live happily ever after. Maybe all Netflix has done is make several versions of one of the all time classics. Yeah, that'll be it. Ignore me and everything I said above. I was just rambling.