Politicians! Be Nice and I'll Wee All Over You...

Blimey, I'm knackered. In the past week I've mainlined the BBC Parliament channel like it's heroin. At the time of writing, all sorts of mad political shizzle has gone on. Sibling bust ups, outright lies, sackings and defections. By the time this gets uploaded, a shedload more shenanigans will have occurred. Even the issue of a potential prison sentence has been raised. The urge to rub my hands gleefully and buzz off the drama of it all, is intense. But then real anger kicks in. People's jobs, health, and ability to live in peace are all at stake. Whether you fall on the Leave, Remain, or What's Brexit? side, the current events in Westminster are of huge significance to us all.

I tweeted last week that I had a list of MPs that I wouldn't piss on if they were on fire. That might seem a bit harsh in hindsight. I certainly wasn't advocating withholding of emergency aid in an arson/fire scenario. But to watch entitled, lazy, and unmoved (mostly) men, stand up and bumble their way through a load of nonsense, seemingly in response to an opposing comment but never actually straying from debunked myths and disputed statements, was too much at times. The 'posh white bloke' demographic of a stereotypical MP, was well represented. It was easy to see why many people are turned off from politics when it comes across as an extension of the golf club, or the gentleman's club, or whatever other 'exclusive, elitist, closed to people that are different' club you want to name. I get that, completely. But then there were absolute heroes. Jess Phillips stood up and spoke from the heart. Her anger was fuelled by the fact her Domestic Violence Bill will be snookered by the shutting down of Parliament. Two years of work down the drain so that this out-of-hand chess game can be played. She was fuming and told the new PM so. As well as her, there were excellent contributions from Caroline Lucas, Anna Soubry, Lady Hermon - because FTLOG the people of Northern Ireland must be at their wits end - and Jo Swinson. Then there was Tan Dhesi. He asked Boris Johnson to apologise for the many times his words have been racist. He pointed out the link between his offensive language and the spike in hate crimes. His remarks got a lot of audible support from his colleagues because, let's face it, if the whole House can't get behind the rejection of racism, we're in real trouble. Of course the Prime Minister blustered and blagged, ultimately defending his comments and then throwing in a deflection of Whataboutery in terms of Labour's handling of anti-semitism. (A valid point, but not the point here.) Of course he did. He doesn't care. Other MPs do care about the country. I disagree with the Tory party on much of what they stand for, yet seeing senior members choose the bigger picture rather than their own careers was gratifying. Especially as several were not of retirement age. Twenty-one MPs chose to vote against a bill they knew to be flawed, despite knowing it would be career suicide. Their sacrifice was in stark contrast to the current front bench.

Alongside the anger and frustration at how messed up politics seems to be, there was also the lighter side. I watched incredulously as Jacob Rees-Mogg reclined horizontally across seats, as MPs debated whether to take control of the House. At first I considered he might have a bad back. When I had sciatica a few years ago, I could only sit comfortably if I had my leg elevated. Perhaps that was it? It seems not. Happily, within hours, the first memes came through. We've all seen them now. The one with him in stockings and suspenders, the one where he has a graph of the declining Tory majority superimposed across his sloping body, or the one where an utter beef cake lies next to him, stroking his side, until taking his top off and cuddling him some more. Light relief, and much needed. Not so fun to see, but equally deflating, was the clip of Iain Duncan Smith picking his nose and eating it. Yep. That happened. I'd add the link to it here, but I don't want to repulse anyone beyond what they can bear. A quick Google on your search engine of choice* will see you right. 

Moving quickly on, there have been excellent pundits and commentators who have helped to ease the head-frig as political events spiral beyond belief. Firstly, anything Marina Hyde writes about anything is brilliant, but her column on Friday was particularly eviscerating. (It's worth a click. Do it now, then come back. Off you pop. I'll wait.) On Twitter, I've found @RemaniacsCast, @IanDunt, @davidallengreen, @EmmaKennedy, and @sturdyAlex to be informative and knowledgeable, but also able to lampoon where necessary. To satirise and skewer, to deflate and debunk. Back in the day it was Spitting Image. Now it's sarcastic political comment in 280 character soundbites, threaded together over the course of an evening. Or, as we saw with its return on Thursday, The Mash Report. Perfect timing for the start of the new series. I can only imagine how frenzied the satirical news show's production meetings must have been in the run up to recording on Wednesday night. 

Seems I'm not the
only one tuning in.

So now we have another week of drama. At the time of writing (which has been at several points over the past four days because stuff keeps changing) there's another vote tonight about having an election. I know what I want the outcome to be. I know what I think is best. Whether that happens or not is anyone's guess. But let's wrap things up with some positivity. Despite feeling politically engaged before 2016, I now know I never knew the meaning of the phrase. I can't remember a time in my life that everyone (OK, some people) watched live Parliament all evening rather than Netflix or whatever they were in the middle of bingeing. I now have a much better understanding of parliamentary process (CLOSE THE DOOOOOORRRRSSSSS) and even though I have no intention of being an MP myself, watching the visible pride pour from Jane Dodds as she was sworn in as the new MP for Brecon and Radnorshire, was lovely. The boorish bullies that currently dominate front bench politics, are the minority. I think. I hope. They sit in front of real people with real lives, real constituents, and real concerns. Those MPs might need to shout louder to be heard over the entitlement and bullying of others, but they are still there. There are still adults in position, alongside the overgrown children. If they were on fire, I would piss on them. It's good to remember that.

Have a lovely week, folks.

*My search engine of choice is now Ecosia. Hugely similar to Google but with all profits going towards tree planting. Win.